Feeling bad for your kids for having a narcissistic parent

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[SeiichirouUta]

So many parents in this comment section. Let me add my two cents as one of the children. We love the heck out of the parent who protected us, stood up for us and themselves or who suffered for the sake of us. Thank you for being the anchor of our childhood, for showing us that we are loved and how to love. Don't feel bad. Feel proud. Your path isn't/wasn't an easy one. We see you. We see your pain. And we see that you are the reason we experienced good despite the bad. I'm 42 and I am still grateful for my mother's strength 30 years ago, when she stood up against my father and his family. And I am sure your children (will) see your strength, too.

[janfalls]

Not speaking badly about the other parent is SO hard. Especially when they're the ones causing so much pain.😕

[shinaerazo]

😭 😭 😭 😭 I feel a HEAVY burden of guilt for not only marrying a narcissist but having 3 children with him not knowing what a narcissist even was. I feel awful for my poor children. My heart breaks 😭 😭 😭 I needed this! Thank you!! ❤️

[exx]

Yep. Knowing that the only other person in the world who was supposed to protect your kid in fact hurt them the worst

[noelafflick]

Never feel bad, the point is to remain supportive of everyone's emotional wellbeing.

[aroper]

This is just the video I needed to hear. My 15-year-old daughter and I talk about this often. I’ve apologized to her and wish that I hadn’t stayed so long in the marriage and that I thought I was doing the right thing. We are still trying to get out of this toxic situation but she knows I am trying and unfortunately family law doesn’t always resolve things quickly. I just try to always be there for her emotionally and validate how she is feeling and tell her that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I also told her that she will be so much more wiser than me because at her age I did not recognize narcissistic behavior.

[jb-zeyh]

I’ve said this so many times. So much guilt about choosing a toxic selfish father for my son. I’m working through this every day, but I’m healing and growing and being present as much As possible. Great video

[dyoung]

I didn’t know what a narcissist was at the time but when my son was every young, I told my son that his fathers behavior was not normal or nice and I was always a safe place for my son to vent and/or cry. He’s now a successful happily married father of one(another on the way❤️🍼).

[Wildevis]

This really hits me hard every time and sometimes my children have been angry at me and all I could do was keep on loving and being there for them. Recently my daughter blew up a bit, but she had a terrible experience and eventually I asked her, " do you think I should have stayed with your dad then?" She immediately calmed down and said "no, your leaving, gives me courage every day to stand up to unfairness and toxic behaviour" So yes, one stable loving, caring parent goes a long way to grounding them. I am so proud of my 2, both university graduats, an Architect and a Computer Software developer, I could not ask for better children. And yes, I would marry him again to have them exactly the way they are, but I still beat myself up occasionally when they get hurt from his behaviour and treatment of them

[genevalawrence]

"The tyranny of narcissistic abuse is that we blame ourselves for the narcissistic person's behavior." BAM. This is what I needed to hear. Thank you, Dr. Ramani!

[gilsonrd]

This is my life’s story: I unknowingly fell in love and married a narcissist. I was always the peacemaker and fiercely protected my children from his cruel and selfish behavior throughout the marriage but didn’t know this behavior had a ‘name.’ It took me years to divorce him since I was terrified of letting him spend time alone with them for extended periods of time. Now that I have, I realize the traumatizing life I was living along with my children, but feel it was worth it. They are now grown, successful, and absolutely beautiful people, inside and out. I don’t look at it as a ‘sacrifice’ - these are my children, my life, my breath, and I did and will continue to do everything in my power to keep them safe. ❤️❤️

[pipersisk]

Just thinking about how deeply the golden rule (treat others the way you want to be treated) was instilled in me and how that rule absolutely didn’t serve me in my narcissistic family system.

[sonyashelton]

The issue I've been having lately is not only did I choose a narcissistic husband who emotionally hurt our children, but I fear that because they have been raised in a narcissistic family system, like I was, they will choose narcissistic partners as well and perpetuate the cycle. But knowing what narcissism is and talking to them about it now that they are adults gives me hope for breaking the cycle. Thanks, Dr. Ramani.

[janeloraine]

"The world needed this kid." Thank you for that reality check. 🧡

[barbdoane]

Thank you for this video. I have ruminated and beat myself up over not doing more to protect my kids from their father. I didn’t leave the marriage until they were all grown and gone, and wonder if that was the right thing or not... the problem was, I didn’t know what a narcissist was until 5 years ago, and he ticked every box! So I am trying to be kind to myself and use self compassion to let myself off the hook for allowing this to happen...not easy, but I am trying.

[VizAnyaMSC]

I felt so guilty when I got divorced because I was able to escape him, but I couldn't get the kids out. I spend a lot of time telling the kids that their parents aren't perfect, they make mistakes, and their behavior and words are their own and not the kids fault. I don't say that one parent, I say both parents, him and I. But I think never telling your kids that their parents make mistakes gives them a sense that they are the problem, instead of the narcissistic parent.

[yamlwoz]

I grew up with my mother constantly telling me that my father was a giant problem. She didn't know the word narcissist or she'd have used it. She ran down his character many times every day. He was the problem. She only stayed with him "for the sake of you children". I wondered so many times why she didn't take us to safety if he was that bad. Until I read my first self-help book in my mid 20s and discovered that the problem all along had been her!!! I was so shocked and so angry. The anger, that I never dared show to her, lasted many years before I could work through it. I couldn't afford counselling. Very different healthcare system here in Australia. But anyway, the truth began to set me on the path to healing at last. And to forgive my father for his quiet innocence that I was coerced into never having seen. He's never shown any emotion whatsoever. I've seen him smile twice - ever! But his version of love had been there, underneath, I could see it once I saw mother for the 100% narcissist that she is. I write too much, but it's healing to be able to speak out in public, when everyone around me sees the 2nd face, the public lies of sweetness and helplessness that make up my mother.

[autiejedi]

I really needed to hear this. Daily regrets about this is awful.

[nattileking]

You just explained my feelings in one video. I blame myself and feel responsible for my daughter having to deal with her Narc father. It eats me up everyday. My anxiety is through the roof.

[sharont]

Thank you for this video. I have beaten myself up often for being married to, having children with, and then divorcing the narcissistic. It felt like nothing I did was ever good enough. I loved my kids and took good care of them, but I wished they could have been raised in a loving 2 parent home like I was.