Coping with Guilt After Ending a Toxic Relationship

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#Guilt #ToxicRelationship Counseling #relationshipadvice
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Anger is a reaction to a threat.
Guilt is anger at yourself for something you think you should have done, but didn’t or shouldn’t have done but did.
Guilt indicates you did something that threatens your self esteem and/or causes you to fear being judged and rejected.
Sometimes it is appropriate to feel guilty because we did do something wrong.
Other times we may feel guilty for something that is out of our control
When a relationship ends it is almost always painful.
We often second-guess ourselves and minimize or deny the problems to try to convince ourselves to go back (and stop the discomfort) Sometimes “known” pain is less terrifying than unknown pain.
Guilt is another way we may try to convince ourselves to go back. If something is “all our fault” then maybe we can fix it and stop the pain.
Unfortunately, when relationships end, it is often the result of multiple factors, some of which are out of our control.
When evaluating what is going on, consider your part, their part, the influence of other people and the circumstances.
A healthy, meaningful relationship will bring out the best in you instead of causing distress or bringing out the worst.

Video by Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes on integrative behavioral health approaches including counseling techniques and skills for improving mental health and reducing mental illness.

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This video is so so helpful and clarifying. It addresses ALL the narratives that run through an empaths mind that keep them stuck. Stuck in hope, stuck in not loving yourself, stuck in false narratives, stuck in feeling responsible for a grown adults toxic behavior. People need to listen again and again to these clarifying truths. It doesn’t matter if the partner has ptsd, CPTSD, Narcissism, covert narcissism, or is somewhere on the NPD spectrum or is just selfish. Offer them a great therapist, tell them about EMDR, tell them you are not qualified to help them and that unless these start therapy you cannot participate in the “chaos”any longer.

lreevesnyc
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You mentioned it already but when I look at past relationships I sometimes find myself thinking, "If only I had said things the right way." or "If only I had been more assertive." The truth of the matter is neither of these options would have made any difference. I like where you state something to the effect of it takes two people to make a relationship work. Each contributes the same amount most of the time.

CTSCAPER
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Thank you so much Dr. Dawn-Elise, this video was exactly what I needed to hear today. Sometimes it helps to hear common sense out loud!

lougf
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Thank you for the flower and fence example. This helped me greatly.

cutescorpio
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Excellent video, Dr. Snipes! I would love to see one on differentiating between a simply toxic relationship and an outright abusive one. It is a fine line that is *really* hard to see when you are in the middle of it. I think it is really important for people to know when a situation has become potentially dangerous. Thank you so much for putting these resources out here! :)

badraster
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Divine timing... I have been healing from your videos these past weeks..Grateful 🙏

vedanirvana
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This was so good! I got so many good journal prompts that I know are going to help me!

itsRobBass
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Thank you! Such great information. Really what I needed to hear. This validated some of my thoughts concerning the end of a very toxic relationship.

ms.a
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Hey… I hardly comment on videos but this one spoke to me. I ended my longest term relationship I have ever had, 2 1/2 years, a month ago… it got unhealthy for the both of us but I can’t help but feel guilty for my part to play. I was addicted to marijuana and relapsed after getting back together with this girl a a year and a half in. Things were going great for two months while I was sober, but my relapse and continued use destroyed the relationship slowly over time… she couldn’t set boundaries despite me asking her to, so I guess that would be her part to play, but when I weigh out her parts to play against mine, I just objectively outweigh her in terms of problematic behaviour…. The guilt of how toxic I was is killing me.

owentaylor
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These videos are absolutely amazing! Thanks doc! You are opening up my eyes to my own value.

rachellemackay
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This was helpful. Thank you. My spouse is addicted to alcohol and other things. I just can't live in the chaos anymore.

HypnotizMindZ
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I have donated to your channel Doc Snipes because I can attest that you have been a great help to me. I want to thank you so much for helping me thru the videos that you do. Wishing u more happiness

ronjasonaborita
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Thanks so much for this, I ended my relationship with my mom last summer and recently have guilt setting in as I found out she is sick with Covid, and its been 2 weeks for her. I have no idea what her condition is, and feeling lots of guilt. Everything you have said about boundary violations, control and power, and this hits hard, as she is definately BPD/ Narcisstic. Thanks

justanotherfan
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Thank you Doc. You have an impressive power of talking very directly and give good advice on very specific situations. I was feeling really devasted, and I really did felt spoken to here. Everything you say is always 100% on point and you somehow always understand me. Thank you for you work!

fabios
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Thank you for a wonderful channel. I am watching and learning so much, and you explain things so perfectly that it finally all makes sense. 🙏🏻

nmparmar
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thank you for this video god bless you

nonotreally
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Thank you, I needed to see this video, for I have been guilty for taking a stand in a toxic relationship...

aneeqahdinmuhammad
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She’s amazing 💎 I learn so much from her .

phinelia
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Makes sense to me.
Timing is everything.

davidforbes
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Great wonderful information thank you Doc Snipes! You explain things so clearly and articulately 🙌🏻🌞

dee