How To Cope With Feelings Of Guilt

Twenty-five years in clinical practice and over 20,000 appointments later, it still amazes me how powerful feelings of guilt can be.

In my experience, feelings of guilt are often widespread and can be particularly damaging for mood.

And as we learn more about feelings of guilt through research, it seems that some people are particularly prone to feeling guilty, which can make it even more challenging to manage.

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There’s a heaviness to the word ‘guilt’ that seems to come with simply pronouncing it, and this feeling is even heavier to carry.

By definition, guilt can be described as “… a cognitive or emotional experience that occurs when a person believes or realizes – accurately or not – that they have compromised their own standards of conduct or have violated a universal moral standard and bear significant responsibility for that violation.”

But why do we experience feelings of guilt?

Based on a 2006 study by Dr. David Amodio and colleagues, their findings provide support for 2 popular theories of guilt.

First, that guilt is about punishing the self, and second, this feeling of guilt provides an impetus to undo the damage we’ve done.

Now that we know what guilt means and the purpose of guilt, I am going to discuss 2 initial steps that can help you cope with this uncomfortable feeling.

First, It’s important to identify when you feel guilty.

So, over the course of a day or two, write down which thoughts and situations create feelings of guilt, as well as the frequency and intensity of these feelings.

And second, I want you to review the thoughts and situations you’ve listed in your thought record and ask yourself, what would be an appropriate amount of guilt to feel for these thoughts or situations.

Or, said another way, if someone else had these same thoughts or situations listed, how much guilt do you think they should feel.

So, I hope you found this initial information about the purpose of guilt and initial steps for coping with feelings of guilt to be educational.

Thank you for watching, and be sure to watch part 2 of my video about How To Cope With Feelings of Guilt, which will be released shortly.

[nynomadfjc]

On a daily and hourly basis i feel Guilt, Shame, Failure, Loneliness, Numbness, Fear, Isolation, Lost...

[JM-ieuf]

I came up with a list of 50 items that make me feel guilty within an hour. Including "feeling guilty makes me feel guilty", "wanting to reduce my feelings of guilt makes me feel guilty". This video helped me sort through that list. My two mentioned items got removed from the list when I thought about whether I would find it fair if someone else felt guilty for these reasons and I did feel a sense of relief. I think one of the reasons why I kept these feelings of guilt is because I like riddles, I wanted to know the "why". The solution to this one turned out to be for me "being *filled* with feelings of guilt has no use".

I trust the speaker because he is not famous (yet), so I think he can still focus on what he is most knowledgeable in and does not have to start giving an opinion about everything (sidepunch to JP). I also like that reference to research is included as well as mixing in some jokes to lift up the mood. Makes it very legit to me. Thank you, Trevor.

P.s. I want to share a statement that I believe is true, that a therapist said on another video: AI, self help books, or self help videos are not threatening her job, because she has the opinion that "People do not lack knowledge, they lack taking action" and that's where she steps in with them. Keep that in mind!

[homelessalcoholic]

Leaving my mark on a lonely video; good work, good info!

[Hrat_]

What about when your guilt is justified? I hurt someone I love. I deserve to feel guilty, I just don’t know how to process it and make it right.

[zurileon]

I feel it's important to mention that guilt can alsi stem from lack of action. I have suspicions my sister might be being assaulted, but i have no proof, and everyone to whom I've brought it up tells me it's just my trust issues. But she looks so horrible and it's eating me alive to not be able to help her.

[cypherpunk]

Believe it or not I feel extremely guilty about a fish I had to euthanize. This fish became ill because I didn't know how to keep the aquarium correctly, despite following all instructions the fish still ended up in a bad way, and eventually could not move and was floating on the surface, still breathing, and it could not eat food. I wanted it to die in peace so I left it peacefully in the tank to die in its sleep. 3 days later it is still alive, starving, suffering and can no longer see. Now I felt guilt about letting it go so long, in my defence I did buy the medication and it still did not work, there was nothing else I could do.
I looked online about how to humanly euthanize a fish. Some seemed quite terrable, things like putting it in the freezer or taking a knife and decapitation of the fish, one even said "put it in boiling water." I found one that explained that putting aspirin in a cup and putting the fish in would kill the fish in seconds, it explained that the carbon dioxide from the tablet removed the oxygen from the water fast. I put the sick fish in the cup, appologised for letting it suffer so long and dropped in the tablet, I made a huge mistake. I should have put the aspirin in the water first and let it build up the CO2 first. The fish started to panic threw in 2 more aspirin as quickly as I could it lived about 30 or more seconds. I can't be sure exactly how long it lasted because the aspirin bubbles made it move. I know that fish are cold blooded and do not feel pain the fish had already been slipping in and out of consciousness so this was nothing new. Finally I asked if I were in that situation what would I choose, well 30 seconds of stress rather than another few days of starvation. Given all this I can not feel better about my actions. The crazy part is I'm ex military and have shot people. I don't feel guilty about this as these people deserved to die, and would have shot me if I didn't shoot them. I also eat fish, that due in less humaine ways than my sick fish. I feel this guilt because I didn't care for the fish properly and it got to this state because of me. In my defence it was an honest mistake, I read all the labels on the bottles and measured exactly. But my mistake meant something I purchased for my entertainment died, I had a duty to look after this tiny life and I failed. Had the fish gotten older and died of old age I would have been fine with this, but this one was young. Why do I feel such horrendous guilt over something so simple?

[hannahduggan]

I feel guilty all the time. When I was a little girl, I often bullied my dear baby brother Seth. Since he was a late talker, I bit his little ear, pushed him down the stairs, pushed him off the rocking chair, and hurt him in so many other ways. Now, I'm almost 28 years old and he's 23 years old. We still live in the same home together. Whenever I apologize to him, he says, "That's okay. I love you very much." When I was 12 years old, I called my newborn baby brother Jeremiah evil. He's 15 years old now. Whenever I apologize to him for that, he says, "That's okay. I don't remember any of that. I will always love you." Whenever I remind him that the real evil person was me for saying that about him, he says, "No. You're not evil. If you love and believe in God and Jesus Christ, you're not evil. I love and believe in God and Jesus." I also feel extremely guilty about how I treated my music teacher when I was in elementary school. When I was in the 1st grade, I loved him. When I was in the 2nd grade, I started getting annoyed by him. When I was in the 3rd grade, I started hating him. When I was in the 4th grade, I accused him of doing things that he never did. When I was in the 3rd grade, he was teaching me and my class how to play Down By The Station on the recorder. I threw my recorder at him and yelled, "I HATE YOU!" I always write sincere apology letters to him, but he never writes back. He probably hates me now. Also, when I was 10 to 11 years old, I accused my loving parents, especially my loving father, of child abuse. Whenever I apologize to Daddy, he tells me to forget about it and that he will always love me. Whenever I apologize to Mommy, she tells me that I have already been forgiven a long time ago. Last year, when I was 26 years old, I felt extremely guilty about lying to my elementary school guidance counselor when I was 10 years old. I often told her that Daddy was hurting me, which was a big fat lie. So, at 26 years old, I decided to write her a letter, telling her the truth. When she got the letter, she called the police department. The police department then called my home while I was helping Mommy do laundry. When a handsome young policeman came to my house, he talked to me about the letter I mailed to my elementary school guidance counselor. He told me that she already knew that I lied to her at 10 years old. Every night, I just lie in bed thinking about what a horrible person I am for treating all these wonderful people so horribly. The only thing I want to do right now is go to my elementary school music teacher's house, apologize to him in person, and have him teach me how to play Down By The Station on the recorder. He retired in the mid 2010's. If he is still doing anything with music, that's great. Even if he's just lying in bed while listening to music, that's great, too. My elementary school music teacher was such a kind man. He was also very handsome. I saw recent pictures of him on his Facebook page. He has grandchildren now. He is still as handsome as as when he was my elementary school music teacher. I want this same guy to teach me how to play Down By The Station on the recorder.

[flatsamiscool]

I grew up in a religion where I was taught that my guilt needed to stay until I told my bishop and talked to God about it. I’m no longer part of that religion, but I had that drilled into me so much that I have no idea how to handle guilt and how to let it go without telling someone. Often telling someone would only cause problems that wouldn’t be necessary. Either that person wasn’t involved or I feel like I’d be bringing up things both of us would rather move on from. It’s confusing.

[yeebby]

Unfortunately my family engraved the hate inside of me long before I even realized it. Let’s just say, it’s been a long and painful road to healing.

[jodrichy]

I know why I feel guilt. I keep feeling like I don't want to be here.I know I should appreciate my life because the world is lovely but I don't feel like the I fit in and what they humanrace dose to the earth and to each other hurts my heart everyday.

[sunishabali]

My six old daughter got sexully abused by a 12 years girl i blame my that i not good mother i was able to protect my child can't sleep at night . I cry i get bad headache. I dont what to do.

[Hinaamir]

I feel guilty because I lost a lot of things from my past life just because of other people advice . When I was going through that phase of life i was in extreme pain for some reason . I hurt myself and other people a lot .I dont have my own opinion over anything .I feel ashamed of it😢..This iss the same reason I lost the love of my life . Now I alone and guilty at same time .

[woman]

You can learn here guilty feeling s your feelings of guilt tremendous kind of phychology and experiment

[AnshikaYadav-djpu]

am girl when I entered in new school in 9th standard. Classmates and dthat school was somehow seems like to give attention to beautiful girls and only talk to them may be they are not mature enough. So I was not beautiful I was skinny and I had not have dressing sense and before that I have not realised that I am lacking something in me. So whey whispers in ears that I am not beautiful I am looking or I am walking bad there eyes and all says everything so there was a boy in my class who was not good looking so they add my name to him and even girls who are beautiful they are very much proud of themselves this all give me depression or anxiety and I show that I am happy and I don't feel bad what they say. But inner me was saying that where I am i awant to leave this place right now I was young and also want that attention because emot a single friend there so I always start to find bad company. And I failed in that class. And repeat that class sma ehappened in that class too boys whispers and said I am a boy because ei don't have figure and all and how bad I am looking. And that was my age where we all need male attention. So I start lying by making fake Facebook I'd that I have a good family and they are good looking talking to one or three of my classmates and theys tart talking to me in class for five ten minutes but that was enough for me they also got to know I am good at study but I am repeating the class. After conversation one become my friend and after sometime I fall in love with them and he also but he never considered me beautiful and never praised even I know deep down he loves or support beautiful but somehow he loves my conversation. So he is connected deeply. Because whenever hsi friends and all say bad about my face and body or they spread rumours he present there but never defend me I was feeling more sad. Whom I love I can't even tell truth about those fake I'd and how I am in depression my confidence was low. And there was no empathy in classmates. Whatever beutiful girls said they believe. And after some in my class 12th one person gotbto know that I am using those I'd because I talk a lot to two three people and he got to know and I was using picture of someone beautiful girl s sister or brother who was always feels me down and and that boy said to everyone how can she do it I was talking to her because ei thought that were her sister or brother who are beautiful I never talk to her he said to my bf that leave her she is a liar. After that I also scared I closed every account and that boy and my whole class against me he tell mor ethings he said I have bad intention towards texing them and all he said slut and all things make fun wherever he goes. I stayed away from my bf he was confused and also feeling betrayed I was not able to tell truth because I never want to hurt that he can't even trust girl and I don't want myself to look down in his eyes. And after sometime when he start researching he also got to know. He got some idea that I was lying. But I had promised that I have to tell something before this happens but I was unable to he went to delhi he falls in love with another girl when I watch that photo on Instagram I couldn't hold my tears from 4 years I isolated myself I tried to message him when he asked me I scared and tell more lie about my family so I stop texting and he also got to know ia lways make false story I regret. When I was in college I thought I should make new friends but those eclassmates of mine they tell evryone that she is a liar don't talk to her. Talk to her if you want to enjoy. I am feeling guilty since 4 years I am not doing significant in life even though I had big dreams

[skandamurgan]

I feel guilty because I ruin my dream of getting my dream job. I had done several guesses in negative marking and miss cutoff by 2 marks. After crossing 3 stages . I ruined my 6 months of hardship

[GTRliffe]

single incidents no matter the size help children grow

small snippets of trauma does wonders to children, they get too experience hyper-reality for a brief moment

children are less human today, that’s for sure! Learning technique is different, discipline techniques are also different..you need too add some “hyper-realism” in order too snap away from the digital sphere there usually in

[fumubsy]

"what's fair in this situation" is not useful because

Every situation and person is unique

And "fairness" is similar or jealousy

It's not about the other, what they do, it's about are YOU living your life as your Unique Self or not

If you are living your life aligned with your Unique Self then there is no jealousy because you're enough, you know your Unique Self is the source of your dignity and prosperity

"Fairness" is not useful also because it's similar to "equality" and the universe creates everything Unique and no two things are exactly the same, so equality and fairness are most likely a part of magical thinking or a similarity bias