One Impact of Abandonment Trauma (and How to Work with It)

A history of abandonment can cause even the most successful clients to question virtually every social interaction.

So how can we help these clients move forward with confidence – both in their relationships and within themselves?

In the video above, Dr. Joan Borysenko shares the strategy she used to help one client overcome patterns of insecurity in his relationships, despite his fear of abandonment.

[andreamoore]

The abandonment wound cuts deep. Rejection is seen in all situations and we end up attraction the very people who are going to abandon us. Mine was years a d years of constant obsessional thoughts, I had a kidney infection and didn't even realise I was so unwell due to obsessional thoughts taking over. It is possible to heal this wound and I have anf it js liberating- I used EFT tapping, not a quick fix but worth every bit of the effort to find freedom.

[deathuponusalll]

This has afflicted me for so long 😢 now as a middle aged man I feel there’s very little chance it will ever change and it scares me

[a.k.]

Thank you. This story you told sounds kind of familiar to me.
For me it's more that i fear to be judged and made responseable for the frustration and the punishing outbursts my mom had. I resent at myself for not being good enough for not meeting the expectations to deserve being treated respectfully. Conscious i know that's not true. That if my mom had been able to, she had been kind and respectful with me. No matter if i meet her expectations. She would have been able to get to know me. If she had the ability inside her. But she is a childhood trauma survivors herself and couldn't learn lots of skills needed when guiding children.

I feel so lucky that, with seeing and aknowledging the depth of the hurt your client have felt, that he also had caring foster parents.
I didn't and i am glad for everyone who had support in earlier years. I have survived staying with my family until age 12.

How could this what i have experienced be called? The wound of being left without orientation, plus being constantly and critical judged? Being also parentified as sometimes when my parents have been drunk i had to take care for me and my younger sister? As my dad died (me, age ten) i felt like i have to take over the second parents role.
My mom confronted me with these high expectations?! To do adults quality housework but without proper guiding?
My problem these days is, I break down i literally go direct in freeze or collaps, when expectations are there. And i fear social interactions or more my internal reactions if i am bold enough to be kind and open up, or when emotional reacting, i shut down when i interact socially then my fawn response take over and i feel a lot physical and emotional pain afterwards, what keeps me painful isolated. So that's for true a problem and a motivation to heal this. But how to name it... The wound of being judged and critiziced? Of to high expectations? Not meeting them? And the being cut out or lashed out against? And shamed Infront of others or made fun of... It's like bulliing in family and school with complete no contact allowed (in school) plus being shamed and made fully responseable for the experience by my mom.

I don't have words for this experience, and would aprechiate some inspirations to try what feels right as words are such an important tool to understand the hurt parts within myself. To foster care for them by myself now. ♥️

[sarahgartner]

I felt abandoned in my childhood. And shamed. With life threatening trauma. And i lived AS that pain amd blamed for decades but I repressed my truth. I have since spoken up but now Im learning to disidentify from being a victim and learn to be empowered and forgive and become active and move towards creating me as I AM within, instead of being the reactive me Ive lived as for 35 yrs

[Sonia-qzxv]

Thank you so much! I really needed to hear this as it is my story of my father dying and mother leaving me when I was 2. I stayed with abusive neighbors and Mom was drunk when she was home. I'm 62 and never married and no children, no family and losing people still because of the abandonment. I'm so sad and tired of being alone past 15 years. I will work on this and thanks anyone for sharing. I don't feel all alone. Is there a support group for this particular issue?

[LifeinGlow]

Thank you for the video! 🌷 Love how you told about this fear and possible ways to work with it. Also many people have it from their pre-birth experiences, say if the baby on some level felt rejection or doubt from his/her mom. Work more often with emotion-image therapy with that. It is shocking how much fears and emotional disbalance might be rooted in very early experiences, and even transgenerational trauma (e.g. WWII years were brutal on many families on Eastern Europe).

[lenaccarlsson]

Thank you! This story resonated deeply with me and was very helpful.

[lusilapinon]

Ok so he knew he had to heal it… but what did he do?
Ask myself “do I like me?”
How does that help?
Someone please explain

[lusilapinon]

So what did he do? What is the solution?

[malinliljeblad]

Can I please see this piece of paper 😂