10 WAYS TO STOP RE-ENACTING ABANDONMENT TRAUMA IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS | DR. KIM SAGE

*FOR MORE INFORMATION ONLINE COURSES AND FREE CHECKLIST:

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Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):

1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA

(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)

2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"

(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).

3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT (FREE COURSE)

CHECKLIST IS INCLUDED IN ALL 3 COURSES!!**

xo

* Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents (due to state licensing and insurance requirements for myself) for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.

[Inveggible]

This journey is really hard.. wishing everyone with trauma issues the best because it’s not easy 😢 hang in there ♡

[invisible_is_here]

10:09 start of 10 ways of healing abandonment trauma

[reallythere]

Sad to assume that everyone had a partner or a safe person. I didn't for almost 60 years. To all the alone and lonely, I wish you well ❤

[melissabeach]

I try to remind myself that I am who I am despite of my parents, not because of them. It reminds me that I have a choice in how I show up in life.

[PrancyBiscuit]

All of this was so accurate, thank you. You feel like you're broken and a waste of space bc you can't get your needs met, which leads to self-hate. Becoming the inner parent and trying to meet your scared, hurt, angry, and untrusting inner child's needs is a process

[BecomeConsciousNow]

Good video! I never understood what people ment by "shame" from childhood. Yes you're right, it comes from not getting the love and nurturing from your Mother, so now you feel unworthy of love and not good enough. So you feel ashamed about who you are because of the rejection you felt in childhood. It's all very complex and confusing!!

[JenniferKastelic]

This (and other videos you've made) has been enormously helpful. Listening to this is helping regulate my nervous system! I have 3 kids and when they were very young, they had a mom (me) with undiagnosed CPTSD and we also lived in a fairly rural area with lots of isolation. It was very rough on all of us. Luckily I recognized I had some responsibility to heal and have worked diligently for well over a decade. I have made great strides and we all openly talk about our mental health. Still, all 3 have their own mental health issues and my guilt is very strong. Being given tools that I can share with them is wonderful. Thank you.

[jamaicaism]

1. How am I showing up? What does my nervous system look like, especially when I feel triggered around abandonment in my relationship?

2. What can I do to increase ventral vegal connection?

3. Develop a plan for abundance?

4. What does my inner child need?

5. Where am I people pleasing?

6. How does my hypervigilance show up?

7. What feelings do I suppress when I am in pain?

8. What is my inner/outer critic doing that sabatoges this connection?

9. What mindful practice can help?

10. Where do I abandon myself?

[ellebelle]

I've been avoiding watching this video because I knew I'd get called out, lol. Self-abandonment is no joke, and I'm taking every single one of these questions into journaling/prayer/meditation. Thank you for this video Dr. Sage, it was the gentle kick in the pants that I needed. 💜

[freeandfabulous]

Childhood trauma and being devoid of primary love is in my cells. Consequently, I don’t know how to care for myself without shame and have no real idea about connection other than what I know from book knowledge. How do I work out of it when it’s an integral part of who I have always been? I was treated like a trash can. Dumped on, name called, raged on and kicked when I was down. I was not treated like a human. I never mattered.

[michellemurray]

Dr. Sage, I can’t thank you enough for all of these videos. I am finally beginning to truly understand where my constant feelings of “never enough” and desperate loneliness come from. I wish I didn’t live on the opposite side of the country from you! The process of finding a therapist to help me with self-discovery and healing is just too overwhelming (I don’t have the energy to sift through unknown people until I find a good fit), but these videos help so much. I am confused by my own reactions to things I have expected since having children—namely having them move away as they become adults with their own lives and families. I want them to have a good life of their own choosing! It is what we have been working toward since they were born, but my deep sense of confusion and hurt when they move away to have their own adult lives is so SO painful and confusing! I struggle with the inner voice (as I always do) telling me that they are moving away because I have been a bad parent and they don’t want me around. The pre-language foundational abandonment of being the oldest child of a narcissistic/histrionic mother and and alcoholic father who was never around, is so basic to being me that I struggle to recognize it, but these videos are so extremely helpful. I wish you could be my therapist! :) ❤

[sodakhanart]

Question. As someone who was abandoned by my bpd mom as a child has made me SO TERRIFIED of ever neglecting my own young daughter. To the point that i’m slightly obsessed with proving to myself that i’m not like my own mom that i’ve made my entire life about being there for her and i kinda lost my own identity. Can anyone else relate?

[kks]

Very accurate video. Struggle with trauma from being really young. it’s a constant battle. This video is very helpful. Can’t get too close to someone before pushing them away. It’s hard. Wishing everyone who deals with the same thing the best

[mrs.elsasser]

You are helping me so much and i appreciate that so much! I'm 49 and have struggled with mental health issues since my very traumatic childhood. Those wounds have csrried over into my adult relatiinships and with my 3 sons. I live in fight or flight with a narcissistic husband who also suffers from these issues, but carries them differently than i do. I have recently started seeing a psychiatrist and a trauma therapist because i found you here on YouTube! Thank you Dr. Kim! You are making a difference!! 💜💜💜

[virtuoussoulhealer]

My parents loved me. I never doubted that. They were broken themselves and did the best they could in their brokenness.

[theresapaulse]

I was abandoned at birth as a newborn. I was adopted by a loving family who weren't perfect but I love them. My adaption always made me feel embarrassed and like an outcast. I do not know my biological history. I never asked my mom because I didn't want her to feel like she was not good enough. I don't know how to go about healing the abandonment part. I am extremely codependent. Always held onto toxic relationships, I just can't see myself being alone. I lost my 3-month-old son, my died during my first pregnancy, in a crazy toxic relationship and I am extremely dysregulated. People believe I am psychotic. I feel emotionally sick inside.

[chimeracleshappen]

I don’t agree that only children can be abandoned. I find this theory to completely bypass aduts with disabilities that are really as vulnerable often times.

[uxnne]

I’m 27 y/o and just felt like a 2 y/o bawling my eyes out in the middle of the street, experiencing my mum walking away from me (like when I was little). I really want to feel more in control of my emotions and learn to speak up for myself. Thank you for this video, it feels so gentle 💛

[megana]

This is amazing! I’ve been looking for a video exactly like this. I feel so seen and understood and I’m so grateful to find this as I’m also working to heal myself

[karencoburn]

What about abandoned at birth, given to an orphanage for 3mo with instructions not to find that person's mom?....