Working with Abandonment – One Common Therapeutic Mistake

When we’re working with a client’s fear of abandonment, it can add a unique challenge to the therapeutic relationship.You see, the client already has their rejection radar up. So we might become overly cautious to avoid doing anything that could feed into their fear.

Problem is, this approach can sometimes be counterintuitive. Not only that, it also might lead to one common therapeutic mistake.

In the video below, Christine Padesky, PhD will get into what that is (and how we might work around it).

She’ll also share some key findings that can help reshape how we work with a fear of abandonment.

How have you worked with a client who had a pervasive fear of abandonment?

Please share your comment below.

[hersley]

Hi. It's not really about a fear of being alone but rather a fear of anyone but you choosing making a choice which leads to you being alone without your say in the matter.

[annika]

This video was so empowering to watch. I’m struggling with abandonment trauma. I started seeing a therapist because of this and she also had to stop seeing me. She didn’t refer me to anyone else. I know she didn’t abandon me but a part of me felt this. After hearing the client story about feeling empowered after this happened to her, it was a kind lesson for me to see the good and practise emotional self regulation. Thank you for this video!

[ange]

I don't think so. My therapist quit suddently 8 months ago, and I am still trying to cope with the anger and the sadness. I have even more trust issues now!

[suzan]

The key is to learn how to listen to people show empathy and compassion with an active plan of tools and resources for client and accountability. Win win situation not 1 up 1 down. This way if therapist drops client the client can refer to resources for CBT or DBT groups of support etc. Good therapists are like looking for a needle in haystack.

[cptsdfree]

I completely agree with you and redirect clients if they show signs of fear coming on so that their independence and confidence is reminded and encouraged.

[angelinasamson]

I’m aware I have an abandonment wound, I work it on most days
However when I go into a relationship I subconsciously slip back into it and yes that needy energy repels people
My nervous system goes into fight or flight even when I’m aware that relationship wasn’t healthy for me ❤

[PrivateUser]

I'm writing this feeling pretty raw right after a therapy session with my therapist. I feel this so much. I'm at a stage right now where I'm pre-grieving the loss of my therapist. It just hurts so much and I can't get over that. :(

[thewholedamnflame]

I have abandonment issues, yet I'm indifferent to all relationships. Therapists are a dime a dozen unless they are offering a unique therapy. Cutting off a client such as myself is no skin off our ass. Next???

[PHOTOLOIART]

we re all abandoned; we were dropped off here.

[sori]

i have never actually been physically abandoned, but i definitely feel a strong fear of abandonment in all of my relationships, that underlies and guides all my interactions. why might this be??

[fridajohansson]

I rather avoid relationships (because of trauma) cant open up/trust people and dont let people in and leave. Im afraid of abandonment.

[emilyb]

I found joining pds (thais Gibson) has helped me work through this and the core & the change is so profound. Learning to look for ways im not alone & matter and feel them has been part of thst work. I agree a therapist can act as an attachment figure but without resolving the underlying deep fear and longing - just providing it with some temp comfort.

[maureengriffin]

I have NO fear of being alone… I’m more anxious in a relationship then when I’m not in one.
And not clingy at all …🤷‍♀️

[Sameoldfitup]

I think we are all wired differently. I'm trapped for 58 years in fear of abandonment.

[Sameoldfitup]

I was abandoned on the street by my stepmother when i was six years old, i spent all my formative years in foster homes and children's homes.

[hominidaetheodosia]

Can abandonment issues be part of CPTSD?

[hanunahannah]

I saw comment that makes me laugh. That was so good. Thank you for making me laugh

[lestudio]

How do you know these studies are true or unbiased?

[kkelly]

Sounds too simple and one sided. I am the most independent person I know. I don't attach easily and I am the first to cut cords for good if my needs aren't met continuously. I enjoy being by myself and reject bad company. I know that I don't need anyone because I had to do everything by myself my entire life and I am the only person I can trust and rely on. I don't need a therapist to realize that.

[Sameoldfitup]

The fear of Abandonment never leaves you, ever.