Anxious attachment and boundaries

#anxiousattachment #avoidant #avoidantattachment #dating #situationship #relationshipcoach #fearfulavoidant #dismissiveavoidant #relationship #insecureattachment #attachment #healthyboundaries #boundaries

[Flower-vw]

I really needed to hear this today!! I didn't enforce my boundaries. I made efforts several times but then backtracked, I feared losing him. So he kept on, until he violated my rock bottom non-negotiable boundaries, and then I had no choice. I cut off all contact and blew like a volcano. Actually it's like an earthquake, where 2 plates underground move in opposite directions against each other, and there's a spot where they get stuck. When the plates must move, they do so with such force that there's a huge impact. That's the earthquake, and that's what it felt like. A huge long earthquake that went on for months. And now I'm nothing but boundaries. I'm a fortress that he can't penetrate, I've been ghosting and blocking him totally for over one year. I've finally gotten to the point that I don't want him back and will not take him back or even allow him into my life in any way. I see him for what he is, and I see that he is not even capable of adding anything to my life, only of destroying my peace and happiness, and I will not permit it.

[johndevivo]

Perfectly stated. Be secure enough to set those boundaries and brave enough to see what happens. We sell ourselves out, we don’t feel our worth, we don’t recognize what we bring to the relationship, and we don’t have the courage to see what they will do when we set boundaries. We don’t think we are lovable and replay it with these equally impaired Avoidants. The only difference is that we are interested in changing and they………………you know the answer

[Flower-vw]

I watched this video again. I have had times in my life when I lived in terror of being abandoned. I am currently "processing" what Eckhart Tolle calls the pain body. In deep meditation most of the time. My primary core wound is betrayal and I now believe that abandonment is my secondary core wound. I didn't think I had an issue with abandonment but I guess I do after all. But what I realize now is that my abandonment issue is with myself. When we sell out ourselves to get or keep someone else, we de facto abandon ourselves. I have in essence put someone else above me, made them more important to me than myself. I've abandoned and lost myself. I'm now finding myself again, and resolved to not repeat my mistakes. Idk what attachment style I would be classified as, probably disorganized. But actually, my attachment style is now detachment. Especially while I'm going through the rough spots in my spiritual journey. Loving the peace.

[CryptoTaurusMoon]

Good luck with that! Enforcing a boundary with an avoidant will feel controlling to the avoidant and push them away. Everything eventually pushes them away

[The_Bit]

I was just thinking that my avoidant ex was just gaslighting me and I just laid down on the couch in frustration and opened YouTube and this was the first video. Thank you

[techi]

I love the take on anxious attachment. Its really us that need to make the change

[thehorus]

The algorithm is scary sometimes...
We were on a way to get back together and when i realised that I'm more or less breadcrumbed I set strict boundaries yesterday resulting in Option 2 - escalation, no accountability and seems like she's a ghost now but before being hurtful...and then this vídeo shows up...right on spot.
Sad thing is to know that she's aware about her feelings for me, that she will realize and suffer also.
It hurts, but I know that I did the right thing (for me), many thanks and greetings from Germany!

[srxx]

I didn’t start stating my boundaries until the end of the relationship & he gave up & left only a few months later. Even though I should have been the one to enforce them & leave myself first.

[SalihT]

I really love your work so much.. Please make more videos about anxious preoccupied attachment style..

[louisbrantmeyer]

Are you having some sort of workshop? I would definitely attend such a workshop. Your content has been FIRE and so helpful lately.

[justinkantner]

Thank you! Anxious here 🖐 In more ways than one haha.. 😅

[SinguSoon]

How can two people have an open and honest romantic relationship if they are both surrounded by thick protective boundaries/walls, though? Isn't part of being in a loving relationship supposed to be about being vulnerable to the one you love? If we have to maintain these walls with another person in a relationship that is ostensibly supposed to be about trust and openness, then maybe it should really be looked at only as a relationship of temporary practicality, while abandoning the notion that it has anything to do with any actual heart-to-heart 'love' connection, which should be looked at as nothing but a complete fiction. Sounds pretty bleak. What a wonderful world to be dating and in a 'relationship'.

[shandi]

The problem is that when I set a boundery, sometimes I feel good at first and later I feel guilty and I regret that it pushed the person away... I did put a boundery when my avoidant ex said that he wanted to still continue to see me and to enjoy time with me even if he said he doesnt feel ready to be in a relationship with me and I said no. He said he understood but later he got mad at me. I know that I made the right decision but Im sad that he is mad at me and sad that I can no longer talk to him.

[aspiringrootwoman]

Anxious fear: poor baby, watch out for those bad people who want to take advantage of you

Avoidant fear: you're a horrible person and nobody deserves to experience your poor excuse for "love"

Give me a break. Sincerely, anxious avoidant aka best and worst of both worlds

[aspiringrootwoman]

Anxious is also toxic. Anxious is also "not emotionally healthy." This is a sad biased take. I need YouTube to stop sending this my way. Where are the videos warning avoidants how to manage anxious attachers lol ... Where are the videos treating avoidant attachers like victims of anxious attachers overload and passive aggressive emotional strong-arming that is also a pseudo or unhealthy love