The Narcissistic Father Daughter Relationship

In this video Darren Magee discusses some of the typical dynamics in a relationship between a narcissistic father and his daughter. Dynamics can include controlling behaviour, emotional abuse, neglect, over protectiveness and / or indifference. Looking also at some of the long term affects this behaviour has on the daughter.

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#narcissisticfather #narcissisticfamily #narcissism

[DarrenFMagee]

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[realhealing]

I was terrified of my father. He used fear to control me. In fact, my entire family used fear and guilt to control me. I am the youngest in the family and a girl. Life was so hard growing up in a narcissistic family.

[sw-nksf]

If you are a daughter of a narcissist father or mother, and if you start dating, make sure they are NOTHING like your parents. It may be scary to try to navigate that world when you are unfamiliar with personality types who are not like your abusers, but it is a rock you can stand on. IF THEY REMIND YOU OF YOUR NARC PARENTS, RUN!!!

[ggabrielledavies]

My father tore me down and destroyed me since I was young. As I grow older I see how truly weak and pathetic he is. Almost like a child grasping for control

[meghanperrone]

Ugh "...the unkind humor" hit me hard. My father has invalidated me in many ways, including using me as the topic to some of his "jokes", but any negative reaction I may give, I was told to not take things so personally or seriously. If he wasn't yelling, belittling or making fun of me, I was entirely neglected. I have a lot of consequences from growing up in that environment but am so lucky that my husband, whom my father did not want me to marry, is nothing like him. I am healing more and more with my husband's support. Love is no longer something I need to earn.

[ayaalhaddad]

Growing up with my narcissistic dad made me fear becoming like him

[petrapewpew]

My dad was my first bully, but he also wanted/still wants me to be his biggest cheerleader. I have so much resentment and disdain for him these days.

I've always wondered what it would have been like to have a dad who actually championed me for what I wanted to do and accomplish rather than belittle me when my goals don't align with his.

[PassionateFlower]

I was trying to stand up to my father after years of his gaslighting, intimidation, minimization, invalidation, and hypocrisies. Then one night last year I got sexually assaulted by a complete stranger who invaded my home. After escaping and telling police, at first I was grateful to just be alive and thought I would set aside my differences with my father and just enjoy whatever kind of relationship we had while we're both still alive but on Thanksgiving my dad said, "Sorry about what happened to you but you can't have it both ways."

That's the closest thing to compassion he could muster for his daughter who got raped and almost lost her life to a masked stranger threatening me with a gun. So I haven't spoken to him ever since. You really can't have it both ways. You can't assert your needs and boundaries with a narcissistic father and still expect him to care about what complete strangers do to harm you. If you don't choose complete blind loyalty to your narcissistic father he will be apathetic and dismissive to your pain and suffering inflicted on you by criminals who are out to target you.

[AwkwardlyIntroverted]

My dad was physically and emotionally abusive. He always had to be in control. We walked on eggshells around him at home. He never hugged us or said I love you. The clothes on our backs and the roof over our heads meant that he loved us. At least that’s what he said. He once told me I wasn’t all that pretty. He hated my now husband while we were dating. He made our dating life hell. He claimed that he wasn’t good enough for me. My husband treats me like gold. I couldn’t ask for a better man. I finally mustered up the courage to stand up to him at 23 because I couldn’t take it anymore, and he slapped me to the ground. I stopped talking to him for a while after that. My mom begged me to fix the relationship in order to “keep the peace”. 10 years later we talk every now and again. I keep my distance. But you know what’s funny? He wants to know why I don’t call or come around that often, or why I don’t spend time with him. He’s given me compliments on how pretty I am. Like I should forget my childhood and how he treated me. He acts like it never happened. He’s delusional. I refuse to do any of those things. How could I? I see him enough in my nightmares. Literally!

[hb-okus]

My father only made me cry... All my life

[juliemango]

Blaming the mother....that sounds so familiar. When I finally began to challenge him he blamed my mother for turning me against him. So there was no way I could and should have been able think and reason for myself. I tip toe around him the best I can, trying to keep my temper in check because it is my mother who feels it behind closed doors.

[peacefulliving]

I was invisible to my father. Unless he was tearing me down. I never could do anything right in his eyes. Even though I was a good kid and never got in any troubles. Walked on egg shells daily when I lived with my parents. As a teen, If I seen my dad I would walk the other way. My sister is the golden child.

[wendydavidson]

My father couldn’t have cared less about me or my brothers. He never ever showed affection, never went to any of our functions. Never cared about our achievements. Didn’t really know we existed. Wondered why he even had kids.

[briarts]

This is a very good description. My father was indifferent/neglectful until I was about 12, then he turned very controlling.

[lofotguri]

I’m 47. I don’t understand why my father always hated me😭. I have fellt wrong since I was born. My mother is the enabler. I feel like I lost her, because of he talks lies/bad about me to her. She is loyal to him even he is treating her like shit. I’m hurting inside when seeing/listening to him blame her for everything. I defend her, but she never defends me when I’m attacked. She keeps quiet watching me get emotionally abused. My brother is the Golden child. Also enabler. I have decided to distance myself to them, in order to protect myself, as I get mentally and physically sick of the toxic dynamic in the family. Now they hate me even more. My alarm system is blinking red. I also attract only narcissistic men, so I have chosen to live alone for the rest of my life. Peace to all of you that struggles.

[LA-tzzr]

When confronting my dad on how he treated me growing up, he basically said, "I don't get it. Did I HIT you?". Basically invalidating all the emotional and mental trauma I went through on the basis of not having physically hurt me (he did, however, physically hurt my mother). This video is helping me understand the relationship from a more academic lens. Much appreciated.

[sftie]

8:50
That part stunned me.
Growing up my dad criticized me and my mom for a lot of things even when he was the problem.
He constantly yells at me and criticizes me, I can’t think of a day where he hasn’t yelled at me for anything. I’ve learned how to stand up for myself and protect myself from him since I was around 10 years old. I’m not about to let some 47 year old man disrespect me when I haven’t done anything wrong. My mom apologized for him, saying how he’s had a rough day or something. She always sides with him because she knows what he’s like. She knows there’s no point in arguing. And then call me a brat, a pig, stupid, and ungrateful when I call my dad out.
For example, a couple days ago I went to Target with my mom. We were shopping together and finally getting a long. No arguing no nothing. He calls my mom and starts criticizing us and yelling at us for absolutely no reason. When we left target my mom looked at me and told me not to say anything. Not a word, not a sound. Nothing. Because she knew I’m done dealing with my dads bs. She said to do it so we don’t have to argue so we can just live in peace. I told her again that she shouldn’t let my dad talk to her that way but she’s always saying HES JUST LIKE THAT. I can’t take it anymore.
I knew there was something wrong once my sister (actually my cousin but I see her as a sister) mentioned how she was too scared to stand up to my dad because of how she’s seen him yell at me for anything.
He’s a monster in my eyes.

[bhavyaprem]

Things my narcisstic father did to me as a child:
1) Shouted at me constantly
2) beat me up because I was too shy to say hi to a relative who visited us
3) tore my certificates because I didnt feel like flauting it to my relatives
4) threatened to stop my education if I didnt choose to be a doctor or an engineer
5) humiliated me everytime in front of my cousins
6) if I was late from university, I was beaten up
7) told me constantly I am useless without him
8) criticised me for my looks although I participated in beauty competitions and won.

Things my dad did to me as an adult:
1) did not attend my wedding
2) never met my son
3) while I was pregnant told me my husband will leave me and my unborn child and ill be helpless and he wouldn't help me
4)demanded me to support him financially
and when I declined after supporting him for almost a year because I was on my maternity leave and couldn't afford to spend 1000s of dollars on his luxurious lifestyle, blocked me from talking to my mother
5) bad mouthed me even when I supported him
The list goes on and on

[justinephillipson]

This video perfectly describes my family dynamic; and perfectly described the troubles i struggled with in early adulthood. The best decision i ever made was to get into therapy and to remove my toxic father from my life. But even when you remove the narcissist from your life, they still find a way to make it known that they dont approve of you.

[missj]

I'm an only child. My father was indifferent to me unless I was taking my mom's attention away from him. Then he was verbally and physically abusive. My mom is an enabler. She did everything to keep him calm and quiet. I was the bad and wicked child because I'd call out my father's abusive behaviors. I'm the scapegoat child and still gaslighted if I highlight the toxicity of other family members.

I married a narcissist, but we are now divorced. I have no idea how to attract a healthy male, so I've given up on romantic relationships.