7 Signs of a Narcissistic Father | Father/Daughter Relationship

This video answers the question: What are the signs of a narcissistic father in the context of a father daughter relationship (paternal narcissism)? What is the Electra Complex? What are daddy issues in the context of narcissism in relationships? What the difference between narcissistic possessiveness and narcissistic indifference? I answer this question by providing seven signs of the narcissistic father.

Seven signs of the narcissistic father:

1. Father sees his daughter is an extension of himself
2. Father tries to control and shape the daughter into the perfect child
3. The daughters emotional needs are not attended to
4. Father will be perceived by others as extremely caring
5. Distorted view of value
6. Adored today and forgotten tomorrow
7. Daughter blames the mother for the perceived flaws of the father

Narcissism:

There are two types of narcissism: With grandiose narcissism we see characteristics like being extroverted, socially bold, self-confident, having a superficial charm, being resistant to criticism, and being callous and unemotional. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, a tendency to be introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, and shy.

Herzog, J. M. (2009). Father hunger and narcissistic deformation. Psychiatric Annals, 39(3), 156–163.

Finzi-Dottan, R., & Cohen, O. (2019). Involvement and acceptance of custodial fathers: The role of narcissism and caregiving. Psychology of Men & Masculinities, 20(1), 82–92.

Kilmartin, C. T., & Dervin, D. (1997). Inaccurate representation of the Electra complex in psychology textbooks. Teaching of Psychology, 24(4), 269–271.

Powell, S. (1993). Electra: The Dark Side of the Moon. Journal of Analytical Psychology, 38(2), 155–174.

[missdolittle]

I grew up with the “he doesn’t mean it that way, he just doesn’t know how to show love’. Ya right.

[hellybelly]

Society has made the term “daddy issues” so condescending like it’s the child’s fault for their abusive upbringing.

[Mamaroo]

I idolized my dad as a child and it’s only now as an adult that I realized how uninvolved and emotionally disconnected he was from me throughout my entire childhood. My rose-colored glasses are broken. 😥

[RandomCreationsChannel]

Sounds like my dad in a nutshell. Can make you feel like the most special person in the world when he’s happy with you. On the other hand, can completely tear you down in the blink of an eye when you don’t live your life like he wants.

[randomaccessmemories]

“The father needs the daughter to succeed, when the daughter fails, he’s embarrassed” explains A LOT

[lutendodombo]

A moment of silence to all daughters who cried while listening to this

[Zynny.p]

My father has cause me so much terror, emotionally and mentally, yet he keeps pretending he's innocent (in fact, people outside my home thinks he's the "world's best dad" lmao), never takes the blame for anything, and acts oblivious to the damage his actions has on my life and health.

[edwoodruff]

My father is pure evil. People in the public thinks he’s such a good guy

[renaissancep]

And after all this trauma.. the daughter chooses partners resembling her father... I have tried everything but I can't break this pattern. His shadow is going to chase me to my grave..

[itslaurenbrennan]

Thank you so much for this video. 22 years of abuse and trauma and I’m finally breaking off everything with my dad. I’ve always felt an enormous amount of hate towards him. Yet, he always claims he is the victim. He has always been jealous of my mom because I had a better relationship with her. I didn’t know so many other people dealt with this

[joannecartwright]

They are so good up to a certain age when you blindly adore them. But once you start to succeed or question their status it can have the opposite effect. You can be put down reminded you are not better and he is the one, the one who knows everything . Your successes are nothing special. Pointing out flaws in the mother is so true.

[allyb]

They love posting those fake pictures " happy moments " on their social media for praise from others. Thank you for these videos!

[LuciaInman]

It's also interesting to see how there's an over-involvement of the narcissistic father when it comes to the child being successful, and yet an extreme under-involvement when it comes to emotional connection and emotional development between the father and the daughter.
Thanks again for a very informative video (as always).

[fernandasilva-tzyq]

I really identify with this. My dad always did everything for me, but always to live the way he wants. He was always full of anger and I’ve never had space to share my feelings. Always a lot of pressure to follow an academic career. Now a days, I have no idea what my real goals are, I struggle to open up in relationships and I feel like everyone hates me because of the mistakes I make. I never feel good enough.

[maureennewman]

I didn't realize how narcissistic my father was until I was a grown woman. It explains a lot of things but especially his sole focus on himself, everything funneled back to him, whether or not it was intended. He took EVERYTHING personally. If I didn't think exactly like he did it was an affront to him, a disrespect. As I got older, it was obvious to him that I had thoughts and opinions different from his, he would get angry and say "who put those thoughts in your head!"...like I was incapable of forming my own ideas with the information around me. He was also extremely vain and needed constant ego stroking that he was handsome and looked young for his age...to the point that when I mentioned I visited a friend (as an adult), his first question was "what does she think of me, what did she say about me?" I just looked at him and said "We actually didn't talk about you at all" He was floored...how could that be? Of course he would be brought up in conversation! Here's an example of when I was younger, like 6 or 7...I would be watching cartoons and he would come home from work and announce "I'm HOME!" and if I didn't IMMEDIATELY get up and run to him, he would start with "Oh, I guess I'm not important anymore, working hard all day to put food on the table at a job I hate, just for YOU! You don't love me anymore!" And then I would have to spend however long convincing him I still loved him....I knew the way he was acting was not right, but didn't know what it was. After years of it, I came to understand why my mother drank.

[clarewarp]

So true, my dad was a popular guy with lots of friends. I totally internalised the emotional abuse and blamed myself for falling short.

[marlo.candeea]

I might add an 8th one: being jealous of the child's achievements, even if they contributed to these achievements in the first place and even if the child never really cared and was rather forced to go for it. This jealousy can be channelled into emotional blackmailing such as "if it wasn't for me you'd be nothing". In this way the narcissistic parent has an outlet for resentment and can keep the child from seeking independence.

[TigerLilyNo]

Like others have mentioned, my NPD father was my hero until I was in my early 30s and I began to see him for who he was. The manipulation and bullying was unreal. Sending out love and healing to other survivors of narcissistic abuse. ♥️

[j.h.]

One of my dad's favorite activities when I was growing up, and even now, was trying to bond with me by tearing down my mom. For a man who tried to amplify his intelligence whenever possible, it wasn't the brightest move. Even though my mom had her own issues, I was much much closer to her growing up (mostly because she didn't fly into a rage and abuse everyone like he did) and never fed into this need for him to pull me into putting her down.

[OceanaK]

This describes both of my parents. They were only interested in how they looked as parents to the rest of the world, not if they really tried to be good parents.