Getting Childhood Neglect Out of Your Adult Relationships | Jerry Wise

In this video, I discuss the impact of childhood neglect on adult relationships and offer practical strategies for overcoming these challenges.

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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 10,000s of people heal from family dysfunction and become the true self they were never allowed to be. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he leverages 45 years of experience to help clients permanently break free from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a strong sense of self.

****DISCLAIMER: THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED TO SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. BE SURE TO CONSULT A PROFESSIONAL TO HELP YOU INTEGRATE AND UTILIZE THESE CONCEPTS.****

[jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇

[nancybartley]

Emotional neglect is so damaging because if your basic needs for survival are met, you equate that with love. It isn't. Social services for people who are homeless provide the same kind of care our parents did. it comes from a sense of obligation and even guilt. No one spends time talking to these people. No one includes them in their lives as friends, companions. They know no one really cares. They want to be included.

[freeandfabulous]

Neglect reinforces to you that you are not worth anyone’s time or effort. You don’t matter, life goes on no matter what you are experiencing, need or feel. That’s the terrible damage of being cast aside by original care takers. It’s in the fabric of your makeup. You can’t fight against it like you can name calling, shaming or physical/ sexual abuse. It’s insidious and sometimes can’t identify it.

[steevo]

I remember when I was a teenager I was being sexually harassed by a middle aged employer, I told my parents, they looked at each other and rolled their eyes then went back to watching TV. I finally went to the employer’s secretary- BIG MISTAKE. I was fired soon after. I told my parents - they said it was my fault for getting fired. They continued to do business with the man who sexually harassed me. I felt such shame. I now look back on that and think- ‘how messed up is that’?

[whatthis]

At the age of 50, I just realized that I have been neglected by my family for years. I felt shame, self doubting, desperately wanted to get their caring and that invites more negligence. Thank you wholeheartedly Jerry for all the information you have been provided. I identified my issue and this is a great start to heal my inner child

[adimeter]

At the age of3-40 I knew that I was not comfortable ANYWHERE. That's the very word I used, not comfortable anywhere. What a disgrace to do that to a child.

[buddyneher]

I'm glad this 'silent' form of abuse is starting to be understood better and talked about. Thank you very much for the list of resources; I can see there's another big book haul coming for me.

[adimeter]

Between my mother, father and older sister there was no one to talk to about my feelings or fears. Now I trying to defeat the codependency that developed in me. WHEW!

[Artlover]

My mother needed kids because she was lonely and fed up of her neglectful husband now we are 3 putting up with toxic environment created by unhealed wounded parents.

[lambchop]

I highly recommend that anyone watching this video (which is excellent, by the way), that they also read Gabor Mate's book "When the Body Says No". He even references Family Systems Theory in it. But he highlights how tough childhoods set people up for physical illness. Parentification is perhaps a particularly lethal trait to instill in children, via neglect, as personality types (according to Dr Mate) who tend to compulsively look after others and neglect themselves, feature very strongly in study after study of cancer patients and those with other serious illnesses like ALS, arthritis, MS and others.
Edit: The material taught here by Jerry Wise, and similar standard of help on healing Codependency and inner child wounding...should in fact be required learning in schools. And our society should be remodelled so that emotional health is finally properly recognised as crucial to welfare, really it should be a human right. Hopefully making this a reality is closer to us than far from us. I really hope so.

[adimeter]

Growing up I could only have 3 sets of underwear. One on my back, one in the drawer and one in the washing machine. I maintained this self neglect long after I was married and making my own money. Than one day the lightbulb switched on. And I said well I can afford more that 3 sets of underwear. So I have been treating myself to nice reasonable quantities of underwear.

[mayobenderas]

I’ve been in therapy for 4 years now. It is in my 30s that I have learned proper hygiene and self-care for the first time. I struggle even to exercise because I feel I don’t deserve to take that time of leisure and idleness for myself. I have to constantly remind myself I am allowed to spend time and money on me. I still have so much progress to go, but at least I’m learning how to provide myself with the basics (like a warm jacket every winter!) and I have items in good condition as needed. I hope everyone on this painful journey can recover. God bless you all for your efforts.❤

[natureasitis]

Man!
I received metal, physical and neglect abuse! Yet,
I still moved forward with my life and it’s still difficult setting boundaries. I appreciate your help! Thankyou!

[JustMe-bllb]

Thank you very much! Yes, the neglect from parents is like a silent killer. It's even worst if both of the parents are neglecting your needs. And that's a classic example of narcissistic parents that do even much more harm a part from the neglecting part.

[InfiniteMindset]

Believing, understanding, & working through one’s personal Neglect is life-long. Outstanding communication Jerry!❤

[bernadettenelson]

My mother never cared about what I wanted. It was always about her, and what she wanted.

[adimeter]

I never felt like I belonged anywhere, even at my best friend's house. Now I know why.

[margaretchaney]

I felt different than my peers, who could express feelings so easily & I was raised by a mother who thought expressing feelings was low-class. So I bought a feelings wheel & I've been working on identifying my feelings. I feel a new freedom in my soul.

[sawdustadikt]

I had the hardest time with boundaries, with anything, myself, others, situations, etc. I think it was mainly that I had the perception that boundaries made me less flexible to adapt to the constant shit show my life has always been. I learned otherwise and now I look forward to using my creativity for building boundaries instead of using my creativity for CRAPFITTING.

[lambchop]

I've watched so many videos and read so much on this topic. This has at last hit the nail on the head for me in explaining certain things I've struggled with. Consequently, it also lessens shame I've carried on top of things like poor boundaries and too much automatic absorbing of others' criticism. ...That's a big deal, in fact.