HEALING ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE | DR. KIM SAGE

LINK TO FREE CHECKLIST: DOES MY PARENT HAVE NARCISSISTIC OR BORDERLINE TRAITS?
FREE COURSE: IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT

This video describes the caregiving styles which contribute to the development of an Anxious Attachment Style and to the types of healing needed in repairing and healing Attachment Wounds (as part of a larger series).

There are 15 research related concepts which are explored in this video and which are related to issues in need of healing our Anxious Attachment Style.

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HEALING ATTACHMENT WOUNDS SERIES:

This series begins with understanding the primary issues around Attachment Theory and healing Attachment Styles, and will then go deeper into issues around Attachment wounds and related trauma and relationship issues.

I will be posting daily 5 to 10 minute videos after this one on Healing Attachment Wounds and Understanding Attachment Styles and Relationships, as well as tying these topics where appropriate to Complex Trauma, and challenging childhoods and parenting.

Many of you are already very familiar with Attachment, so I hope to add some additional research and topics you will find helpful, and potentially new ways of understanding yourself and life.

While we cannot fully heal attachment wounds without being in relationship with others, these videos will be providing some exercises you can use to enhance your healing journey.

I am so passionate about the relationships between Attachment, Trauma and Relationships, and I truly value your thoughts and ideas, so please share and add any additional information or stories you feel will also be helpful in healing our lives!

xo

*************************COURSES COMING SOON on THINKIFIC.COM !!!!*******************

COURSES COMING ON THINKIFIC:
BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA

FREE COURSE: "INVISIBLE WOUNDS". IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT

LATER COURSES COMING:
"RE-MOTHERING" (RE-PARENTING)

"HEALED PARENTING,"
PARENTING TRIGGERS FROM YOUR OWN CHILDHOOD IMPACTING YOUR PARENTING TODAY

***ALL COURSES INCLUDE WORKBOOKS AND JOURNALS, GUIDED MEDITATIONS

Thank you so very much - I truly and sincerely appreciate you, and the time and thoughts you share here:)

xo

[chelsealance]

I just started down the rabbit hole of attachment theory a few weeks ago, when my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me. After sifting through the plethora of videos out there on this topic, I came to realize that I have an anxious attachment style, while my ex was avoidant. This particular video has shed SO much light on where my attachment style comes from. I am blown away at the accuracy. For anyone else hurting out there, there are millions of us on a healing journey, and I love you. If you are here, you are obviously wanting to take a step in the right direction. ONE DAY AT A TIME.

[evolvingflame]

Read This Somewhere: If you have an anxious attachment style when that person is away. Or you often don't feel loved/valued/wanted by them when they are away. Think of a time/memory when you did feel that from them and use that memory to help you come back to reality and keep your mind from wandering. This may help calm your nerves and make you feel less anxious or worried.

Your imagination/memory can really help you to not become overwhelmed with thoughts and ideas! And feel more centered.

[thisisqmusic]

I lost my girlfriend because i have anxious attachment style. I’ve honestly cried the last 3 days about it! It hurt so much! My love and my intentions were pure. My anxious attachment style cost me my relationship 💔

[notfalling]

Yesterday was an eye opener for me. For the past year I've had this anxiety take over my life. I had so much fear of losing my wife and I kept sabotaging myself over and over again. I'm always alone at work for over 50 hours a week. I cried yesterday after watching and listening, I thought I was a lost cause but now I know what it is I go through, it checked every box. Thank you so much for this, today starts my healing!

[actionjackson]

This video was really reality shattering. I knew I didn’t have the best childhood but I didn’t realize how much that impacted my relationships. The one thing that stood out to me was that this attachment style has helped you survive your childhood but it won’t help you in your adulthood. I just imagined the kid version of myself being always anxious, scared and clingy since my parents were never really around. I thought I had worked on myself so much to the point that I am where I need to be. But my relationship has taught me that, yes I can workout, yes I can journal sand meditate, yes I can be very social. However, when it came down to my last relationship, I exhibited symptoms of all the protest behaviors when I felt a lost of connection. I thought of myself as so confident and sure of myself but it wasn’t because I didn’t have problems, it was because I couldn’t see it. I hope to work on myself not just physically and mentally but also emotionally so that I can be that shining light. Setting boundaries is also hard to do, but if you’re a boat without a captain, you’re no different than driftwood in the ocean.

[theSaint-]

The best way i have found when feeling anxious in a relationship is to stop over thinking . . I remind myself that silence is powerful..more often than not im so relieved that i didnt react to feelings of anxiousness. "Time and pause " is good advice..and my mantra in these situations is to respond, rather than re-act. I used to turn to alcohol to assuage those negative feeings. Only a temporary solution.

[davysmith]

This is very much me. I had an emotionally volatile mother. She’s was always up one day and down the next. She said enumerable hurtful things to me growing up and greatly damaged my sense of self. I was constantly having to read her. I never realized how much that impacts my romantic relationships. I’m always on edge, expecting her to reject me and leave me whenever she takes too long to reply to a text or seems different in any way. I feel overwhelmed and lost though on how to fix this. When you’re always expecting to be rejected and abandoned, especially when that
Is what every romantic partner has done to me, relaxing feels so vulnerable and honestly foolish. I wil say this, my mother has gotten better over the years and I have a pretty good relationship with her, but dating is still a very anxiety inducing thing for me even though I great long for a lasting, committed relationship with a woman.

[rebeccathompson]

Dr. Sage, you have taught me more in the last eight minutes than my therapist has taught me in 8 years. I am looking forward to learning so much more from you. Thank you for what you do

[flossifer]

Actually have goosebumps watching this. This anxious attachment has worked its way into every relationship I’ve ever had, and broken me each time. I have never felt more seen. To know this is a ‘thing’ is so soothing. I’ll be delving into my own healing now. Thank you!

[dwdrawings]

I have realized I have anxious attachment style due to childhood traumas and my past 3 boyfriends all have had avoidant attachment which now I realize mirrors how my parents were with me as a child so I think it’s a normal representation of how love and romance is supposed to work. I’m officially on my healing journey

[debadityanath]

Anxious attachment styled people become co-dependent in their relationships because they always try to validate themselves by serving the other person they put in a pedestal. But when they get busy, the co-dependent person feels abandoned and anxious if they are good enough for else they'll be left behind. I had nothing but love for her in my heart but still ended up losing her because I loved her too much and dived too deep- that I lost myself and my self image in that process, becoming so worthless to her that she just didn't feel like I'm worth fighting so much for...
I don't know what to do. I know i should be more self loving but also sometimes it feels like this guilt- of losing such a beautiful partner because of my shortcomings even though i strived to maintain myself so much, and got so hurt in the process still held on, the guilt and regret will forever reside in me and weigh me down.

[graciekerrigan]

I had recognized my anxious attachment after my first relationship which was mentally abusive. I worked on myself and was so confident happy and calm. I could calm myself and my anxiety. I then got into a second relationship. I trusted him completely and he messed me up really badly. I don’t know how to not be anxious anymore. I’ve been treated badly and left in both of my significant relationships. I’m too scared to trust someone again. I don’t know how to manage the idea that things will be repeatedly bad in any relationship I will have.

[stormjj]

I took a quiz, and I found out I have this attachment style. This video could not have been more spot on about how I operate. I know there’s something beautiful about being empathetic, but I tend to put myself on the back burner for the sake of others. Thank you Dr.Sage for your insight! This was truly an awesome video.

[sierraschooley]

This has helped me tremendously. I am so thankful you have this video up. I was single for two years after a very bad relationship and made a decision to learn more about myself and develop myself because I know I have flaws from my childhood that created emotional distortions.

The one thing I hadn't conquered recently as I have gotten into an amazing relationship, is this anxious attachment style. I didn't realize why I was having these feeling and I am so grateful for this information. I am all about self development and I have had to do so much work to feel "normal". Thank you so much. I am now working on this to better my relationships and am praying God allows healing in my life ❤️

[elysegambino]

This video is immensely helpful. I am so thankful that I have become such an excellent caretaker of others. I am ready to turn that inward and get to know myself and honor the shit out of my needs and wants!

[savajandric]

I used to struggle with panic attacks myself, but today everything is much different. There was also anxiety. I wish you all a speedy recovery❤️

[artsandcraftchica]

Is funny how quickly this just clicked in my head. Put everything in perspective so clearly

[RaSheedapower]

I just know there was consistency early part of my life. Although I was safe around the adults in my life. I wanted a stable environment with my mom and dad.

This is eye-opening and I'm glad I came here

[MournfulMystic]

The point at 30 seconds in really hit me - how the attachment and nervous systems are linked. I've been through some very bad trauma recently and my nervous system seems to be very exhausted. Have been going through severe nausea and dry mouth constantly. After getting my physical health checked out and nothing was wrong there I realised it must be the impact of trauma on my nervous system, especially in relation to attachment trauma... The book The Body Keeps the Score highlights this dynamic well. Thanks for your videos.

[cm]

Thank you making psychology available for people who cannot afford getting psychological help. So many people can't afford therapy. This is so useful for financially struggling people.