Do you push people away? The truth about avoidant attachment

Key Points
00:00 - Avoidant attachment
00:18 - What is avoidant attachment
01:45 - Signs of disorganized attachment
02:47 - Core triggers in relationships

[moongoddess]

This is me to a T! Overprotective mom, strict Dad. I was praised for being the easy one. It’s not easy to be the easy one.

[Salty_light]

The irony is that I'm always willing to offer help to other people or listen to them when they want to vent their feelings, but when it comes to me, no way, I have to figure it out by myself.

[NN]

I'm 60 now, single, no close friends. i can't imagine wanting to share my life at this point.

[jensur]

I have one friend at a time, and instantly feel like pulling away when they get "needy". I am terrified of being a burden on anyone. But I'm working on it!

[NikD]

Oh yeah, this is me. My last relationship was almost 20 years ago. When I was in a relationship I felt so smothered, I had to think about someone else, deal with their ish, it just wasn't me. From time to time, I long for a relationship and may start dating but then I pull away from that in favor of my solitude. I remember when my relationship ended it was such a relief, it was like the world was lifted from my shoulders. I also realized that I was left alone a lot as a child, so being alone is normal, I can be alone for months and not even think about. When I do go out, I spend most of my time wanting to go home. Solitude was and still is my safe space.

[armynursejones]

This is me 100%. And being a woman it has often felt masculine to be this way. Now I am married with two kids and the constant need for me and my attention is draining and my marriage feels more like a chore for me than fulfilling 😢. My husband is always accusing me to trying to escape and run away. Now that I’m learning more about this attachment style within me he’s right. But I want to work on my need for space to be accepted and not a neglect to the rest of my family

[mon-taffitan]

For the wellbeing of my kid, I’m so glad I found this channel. It’s making breaking the cycle feel a lot more attainable. I never realized how important it is to understand yourself until recently. I feel guilty because I feel like I’ve put my kid at a disadvantage cuz somehow now I’m supposed to fix myself while not messing her up.

[aprille]

Yup! I get uncomfortable when the people around me get familiar with me. So when I sense that the staff at my favorite establishment starts getting friendly with me, I stop going there and visit a different one. 😅 But I'm working on this, little by little.

[Dianafaery]

Exactly, all my life..I m almost 47 and I am now learning about this solving the mystery of why I am the way I am.. Thank you❤

[ayushisaharan]

I can relate to this. My last relationship, and pretty much every relationship I have been in was brief and somewhat transactional. I always felt the need to keep running away. Now, I took some time off to work on myself, and when I think about starting dating again for some reason my brain has declared that all the men around me are going to be disappointing. So not trying is the best way to go :')

[TheQueensWish]

Yeah, I pushed away a thanksgiving invite. I had already planned to stay home in leisure wear, watch the parade and football and do minimal cooking (frozen chicken pot pie, stove top stuffing, cranberry). I did not miss the dressing up, the driving, the conversations and endless photos, food shopping, cooking, cleaning, prep etc. I miss lockdowns!!

[tricitymorte]

This sounds exactly how my whole life has gone. Difficulty making friends because I don't connect on an emotional level, a need to be independent (more so, I don't want to be a burden or be seen as needy), and I feel uncomfortable when other people are emotionally expressive because I don't know how to help them. My earliest memories are of my parents just handling the necessities, and as I think more about it, I have no memories of them doing anything more than that. I was always left to entertain myself - I basically taught myself to read, aside from a little help very early on from school. I wouldn't blame my mom for this, though. She basically grew up without a mother, herself. Though my dad was often more strict, I felt I had a better bond with him.

[worded]

Oh, this is me. My mum always tell me whenever I express any emotion, that I am so difficult to deal with. I now feel that expressing emotion is so messy and people only love me when I am controlled. I don't know what words to say to myself to change that.

[jane-cnnd]

Oh wow, a familiar stranger absolutely explains everything I've always felt about my mother. I didn't know how to put that feeling into words, thank you.

[NuminousChild]

a parent who feels like a familiar stranger... sheesh that made me cried inside

[timobrien]

I became aware of attachment theory this year, and the dismissive avoidant attachment style is a replica of my life and experiences in nearly every description.
I've bought all the books I could get my hands on pertaining to my specific "style".
I've been "hyper-independent" my whole adult life, and because of this I have had no romantic relationships, and few (but very close) friends.
Your videos shed light on the dysfunction in what I thought was normal.
It's bittersweet, but now I'm on the warpath to healing. Thank you.

[tinaheald]

One parent's abandonment or inconsistent caregiving can contribute to the development of an avoidant attachment style in children. When a child experiences repeated instances of rejection or neglect from a primary caregiver, they may learn to cope by suppressing their attachment needs and avoiding close emotional connections with others. This can manifest as a pattern of emotional distance and self-reliance in relationships. However, it's important to note that attachment styles can also be influenced by various other factors, including genetics and interactions with other significant caregivers.

[renataOliveira-iziw]

I LOVE your short videos - it’s helping me a LOT with my own trauma reactive responses and how I’m changing my ways with my daughter …. THANK YOU SO MUCH

[meditationavecmaryse]

Yes, I am an avoidant and I'm independent. Very well explained. Thanks Nicole! 😊🙏❤️

[belindarichardson]

I hate this. I start out seemingly quite secure and then just suddenly start getting distant. I don't know why, but I can just see it happening and I feel like I'm being horrible to the other person. Then I just spend the rest of the time thinking we should end it. It's so depressing