Narcissist Parent Prefers One Child | Why Narcissistic Mothers Hate Their Daughters

Even though the narcissist can be selfish and demeaning to people around them, they seem to have one person they enjoy spending time with and think highly of. When this is a child, it can be difficult for any other siblings to understand why there is a preference for one child over the other. What do you do when your narcissist parent prefers one child over another?
Being a child is difficult. There is so much to learn about life and how to successfully navigate the ever-expanding world you live in. You must develop trust in others and learn how to interact with people. When your parent is a narcissist, these skills can be made difficult, and possibly stunted. If you have siblings and you find that your narcissist parent prefers a sibling over you, things are even more difficult to manage. You find that you don’t know where you fit in, and you may develop low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety because of how you are being treated. Relationships with narcissists are abusive and emotional abuse is common. When a narcissist parent prefers one child over another this is emotional abuse because of the favorites being picked. Children, even adult children, have a difficult time processing why their parent doesn’t think the same of them as they do of the preferred child.
When you are the child of a narcissist who isn’t the favorite, you may think you need to try harder to be liked and appreciated. You doubt yourself and what you can do. You think of what you need to do better, and you try anything to get your parents attention. This starts in childhood but continues even as the adult child.
As the non-favorite child, you may even try to figure out what is better about the favorite sibling. Are they smarter? More attractive? The answer is neither of those. The answer is that the preferred child is more compliant with the narcissist and likely doesn’t push back. This doesn’t mean they are passive or complacent, but that the favorite child allows the narcissist to be a narcissist in all of their damaging glory.
The non-favored child might try harder to gain the love and support of their narcissistic parent, but doesn’t meet the demands placed by the narcissist. The favored child does. The non-favored child is set up for failure because nothing they do will ever be good enough and this dynamic is what allows the favored child to stay on top. As the favorite child, the narcissist must maintain an image and will ensure this child succeeds at all costs. And success is only defined by the narcissist and no one else. Getting poor grades in school or even legal trouble may not be enough for the narcissist parent to stop favoring this child.
If nothing else, the narcissist is stubborn and steadfast in their beliefs. If they have chosen a favorite child, this is unlikely to change because then the narcissist would be admitting they chose wrong, or they did something “wrong” that made the favorite child have struggles. The narcissist will happily wear blinders to keep moving forward in the dynamic they have set up.
So, if you find that you are not the favorite child for the narcissist parent, focus on what you can offer others in your life and try to move away from thinking about how you are not good enough for your narcissist parent. It is no doubt hurtful and disappointing to not be loved and appreciated by your own family, but this is of no fault of yours. You are smart enough, attractive enough, and good enough. The narcissist, however, will never let you know that because they need you to feel bad about yourself as a way for them to feel better about themselves.

● Watch next:

● Social Media:

[SuzkaMares]

I am the scapegoat in a family with a Narcissistic mother and her golden child 'other daughter'. They both used to mock me, humiliate and felt good about themselves when making fun of me. They made me feel so bad as a teenager that I developed an eating disorder which took me a long time to recover from. As an adult I have done tons of therapy and eventually found hypnosis to be the most effective method on re-writing the negative beliefs placed into me since childhood. I have my self-esteem and confidence back and now days I love and respect myself more than I ever have before. It is now my life's mission to help others do the same. Thank-you for this lovely channel and sharing your knowledge!

[licmarthadiaz]

My Mother is a Narcissist and I suffered all my life the preference to my Sister, she has always tried to lower me and hurt me still at my age I cant understand this...I just know she doesnt change I believe the best thing for me to do is to stay away.

[opheliapain]

I handle it very poorly and get extreme anxiety being around my younger sibling and father. My emotions become insecure, jealous, and angry. I act like a child and am very verbal about whatever topic we’re talking about. I’m at my wits end and wanting to be completely honest with the realisation of the favoured sister. I’m completely disgusted by it. I don’t know how to talk about it maturely when it hurts my heart.

[valeriaalcorta]

My other siblings (twins and 2 boys)are the favorite of my narcissistic mother and I am the scapegoat. I am the oldest. I even tried to take my life in my younger years and when I told her she said she was sorry I had such a horrible life. She couldn’t comprehend it was because of the family dynamics she had caused within my family. 4 siblings against one and when I spoke out I was the horrible person. The only way I got better was when I moved out. My siblings still align their views about me with my mom and recognize only the bad things I did during my teens as if that is me today. Today I am 31, and sadly had to move back into the family home to finish my masters degree in counseling. The only difference is I know what my mother is and when I feel her getting under my skin I walk away, meditate, go to the gym, read, play video games, or go out with friends. I’ll thankfully move out after graduation and start working to help others. I have achieved so much in life and those around me particularly my professors tell me all the time, how smart and compassionate I am. My boss tells me how great I am. My clients in my job now thank me all the time. But even with all that praise sometimes you want to hear it from your parent who sadly will never say it because it means “they have chosen wrong”.

[theraptureisnearbelieveinj]

Golden children are golden in the eyes of the narcissist for life! I don’t have a relationship with my narc sister because she chose to emulate our narc mother in childhood and beyond. I hope she repents before it’s too late!

[rinadelreyy]

This one really made me understand more of the dynamic I had at the house growing up. I’ve always been a very vocal person compared to my older sister & younger brother. And a lot of times growing up that was my downfall. Not only was my mother a narcissist but she was very abusive to me physically..way more towards me than my siblings. If I ever questioned why she did things the way she did or why she was so unfair.... I would be hit. And not on my bottom...but on my arms..on my legs..there were times she had busted my mouth and say I was “talking back.” But now that I’m older I realize that it was her way of trying to control me & the narrative to our family of my so called “rebellious ways” If I had an argument with one of my siblings I would back down because I knew it was a matter of time Before it became my fault completely & would bare the reaction from our mother. To this very day I see her favoritism towards them both & while we as siblings still communicate.. they have a different relationship with her than I ever will. I asked them most recently if they can ever recall a time in our childhood if they ever got hit like I did and they said they couldn’t.
I cried when I got home.
I have 2 boys of my own now & I love them both equally and believe to be honest & fair with them both. It hurts me when I wonder how someone could ever be that way towards children who couldn’t possibly understand something so twisted as “because you question my behavior and they don’t, I will put them above you” it’s so sad. But I understand WHY she did it and continues too. Thank you for this message! 💕

[rfeyman]

Wow does this hit home for me. A few years ago I left my high powered job to pursue a Masters degree. My Goldenchild sister and fragile narcissistic mother encouraged me to move into my mother's home. I now believe my sister did this, so she could escape. My mother has basically forced me into the Goldenchild/Scapegoat role - where I am expected to literally be her live in slave. While I have some of the perks of the Goldenchild it is clear my mother still favors my Goldenchild sister. You are absolutely correct that highly narcissistic individuals can never admit they are wrong. My mother still gushes over my sister when she calls, even though my sister stole thousands of dollars, drugged her and me (yes, really), stole my medication, and has moved to another state clear across the country. Although, I think what frustrates me the most is that if I had put the amount of time I have dumped into the emotional moneypit of pleasing narcissistics into self care and improving my life, I would be a lot better off. Heck, I would probably have already finished my Masters degree by now.

[suzanneporter]

This is my mom she favors my brother and runs me down. Over the yrs. I found out that it only hurt her and my brother in the long run because they
always ended up broke and came to me to bail them out. I have learned to say no and break it off with my mom and my brother and just pray
for them. If I stayed connected to my mom and brother there would only be the 2 of them running me down and nobody needs that.

[pdobani]

My father had my younger brother as his favorite child because he was a boy. And my mothers never missed to tell me that almost every day. She bluntly said you are a girl get use to it. He will nerver accept you or like you. He prefer boys. I could not understand why then or now as an adult. I cut the contact with both of my parents. I have 3 girls now and i do everything in my power to be fair and make them feel loved equaly. My father died this year i felt nothing. Did not went to his funeral. To this day i have not shed one tear for him. Im in a good place now mentaly, but it took a lot of work to get me here.

[MP-pofj]

Woah
The fav child walks the walk with the narc parent and puts them on a pedestal.
Hence the SG has their own brain and thinking and self awareness.

[theraptureisnearbelieveinj]

Narcissistic daughters can also hate their empathic mothers too. I’ve experienced this with my mother and my daughters. :(

[justinbarnes]

Me I'm the unfavorite I disowned my own mother

[CharlesBukowski-mo]

I've been NO CONTACT with my 3 EX-siblings for years now. Too much time already has passed by for them to ever make amends for what they did. The holidays are so much better without them because I would feel rather gross if I had anything to do with them after that point

[jhaonellemckay]

Wooow this hits like a bullet talk about narcissist dad and their daughter

[mick]

My brother was the golden child and I was the scapegoat for the whole family 40 years I tried to prove my worth but to no avail, then I turned my back on them all and life is awesome to the point I'm kinda glad I experienced the event because humans learn by experience and the experience makes you think otherwise you wouldn't and I'm so fortunate I'm a fighter because I couldn't except even though I had no other Avenue I just knew I wasn't the person they made me out to be and at 40 after coming out of a 6 year isolated space I learnt to rid my past and because the person I'm so proud of because I understand this life is mine and worth fighting for 😃

[thedesertdancer]

My mother justifies why she loves her youngest more than my siblings and I. My youngest sibling is my sister. My sister will pick a fight with me and call me things that are not true and my mom teams up with my sister to hang up on me. Both my mom and my youngest sister did not go to college. My youngest sister only went to school for a semester and dropped out after having a nervous breakdown. She is bipolplar now and is only stable and nonviolent as long as she takes her medication. I feel bad for her but I no longer speak to my youngest sister because she treats me bad and I told her that I will not speak with her or take her abuse until she gives me a sincere apology. Rarely go to my mom and stepfather’s house, when I do go there with my husband, my mom and sister start a fight and accuse me of things I’m not and they gang up on me. Usually, my youngest half-sister starts picking on me, then our mom joins and and together they hang up on me then they wonder why my husband and I are leaving their house and rarely see them. My stepfather had tried once in the past to defend me and try to stop my mom and his daughter from treating me this way, and my mom threatened to leave him if he ever came between her and me. She doesn’t get it and always invites us. When she doesn’t see me for a long time, my mom is nice.

During the pandemic, I was happy that I didn’t see them often. Actually, we are still social distancing since my husband has low immunity from a low grade lymphoma that has no symptoms of illness. We only see my mom and her husband when they are in our area since my stepfather’s cancer doctor is near our home. We only see them a few minutes in the hospital parking lot. Sometimes, I will spend a half hour to an hour with them outdoors. Typically, if I spend time alone with my mom, she will eventually treat me bad.

During the pandemic, we only accepted one lunch invitation and drove 1.5 hours to go to my mom’s backyard for lunch. I thought I would be safe since they had also invited a mutual friend who is old enough to be my grandfather. That didn’t stop my mom and sister so they started a fight right after lunch and my husband and I had to leave since we knew they would not stop. Basically, my youngest sister (my half sister) acted dumb about why I have not spoken to her for 5 years. Then, she yelled “I’m sorry for whatever you think I did to you!” My mom backed her and said I’m immature for not speaking with my sister. Sorry she did not acknowledge all the times she and my mom called me terrible things and hanged up on me in the past. That day was no different since they ganged up on me; the only difference is that my half sister (my youngest sister) gave me an insincere apology and didn’t call me a loser. Can you imagine being called a loser and other insulting things that you are not? I went to college and my youngest sister did not but she has the audacity to call me loser and my mom will back her regardless of his insulting and dishonest my sister says about me.

[kaybellefonte]

Lean on God for understanding. God will bless you with people that you can talk to and confide in and they will fill that void that is missing from a loving parent. Focus on your goals and become a better version of yourself. Don’t internalize their projections. Stay blessed. Love Dr. K

[dailyllamagirl]

My mother is a malignant narcissistic person, i am the scapegoat and my brother is the golden child, since childhood she has established him like this. For myself, i went through years, still do actually, of her worshipping my brother. Right now, i have no choice but to live with them waiting for housing, the emotional abuse is really taking its toll on me because i left an abusive relationship before all this and without work, i have to live here. Despite the fact my brother has not visited since moving away 16 years ago, he is the favorite, he owns a 2million dollar home, his wife is right, etc. So you can imagine how he gets lavished all the time by her. And don't think my father is better, he will champion everything she does. She destroyed so many people in the family with her twisted and sick lives, it's unbelievable. Most of them have passed on, but they clued in to her pretty fast. So, here i am, living in the one place i always hated, i'm praying everyday now that somehow, housing will find me a place. Once that happens, i will be going no contact with both of them. That will be the first step, the second will involve a lot of therapy, tons of it. I feel no shame in saying that i hate them both. All i want is to be as far away as possible from either of them. My heart breaks for each one of us here, hang in there, you are not alone in this. Thank you for reading my rant lol love and peace to all, we got this ❤❤❤

[dr.doolittle]

My parents divorced when I was 5. Me and my brother lived with my dad and later step mother and step sister. My bother was my dad's favorite and my step sister was step moms favorite. My birth mother remarried and had two more girls. Visiting mom was just a painful reminder of what I would never receive from her. She would tell me how talented and smart and beautiful my sisters are and give them beautiful clothes and hair styles and they had the prettiest bedrooms. Meanwhile i was neglected with my hair being one big lice filled knotted mess. My clothes were outgrown. So tight and I was a growing girl. I would have to roll up toilet paper when I was on my period and if I asked for things, I was told no. My brother got anything he wanted as well as my step sister. By the time I was 9 I had been abused in every way possible because nobody was taking care of me or cared about me. I'm now 50. It's been a long hard life . I am ready for it to be all over so I can go to heaven. It's been a rough time. I think I lost my mind as a child because I couldn't stand the pain and I've never been right since. I just can't cope and everybody hates me. I hate life so much. I can't believe how bad it is.

[searain]

Let's be honest, all parents have their favorites when it comes to their children. They may not admit out loud, but there is always that one preferred choice. Parents seem to treat the younger sister or the funnier better than the others.

Honestly, everyone has favorites. Good people just know they can't let them ever find out who it is. Every parent has a favorite child. It sounds horrible, but it doesn't mean you love the others any less. All it means is that one child's personality and interests align with yours more than the others do. it's humane to have favorites (it is just inhumane when you tell the kids - which can cause trauma, happened in my family, not that the favorite child was treated any different though). Sibling's ranking even differ because of being a result of these variables.

My mom says that I'm her favorite child. It's never caused trauma for either me or my brother. She also sometimes calls me her second only child cause a) the age gap between me and my brother is like over a decade(she had my brother when she was like 17 and she had me at 35) and b) my brother had a different biological father than I do making him and me half siblings rather than full siblings. My father is my brother's stepfather.