Why The Dismissive Avoidant 'Ghosts' Others | Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

In this video I'll talk about the dismissive avoidant, and why they might 'ghost' people.

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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel and thank you for stopping by!

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[howtosober]

As far as I can see, the only real relationship match for a DA is another DA. Then they can avoid each other together, spend their time independently scrolling their phones in the same room, admire how independent their partner is, never feel any vulnerability or lack of 'space, ' and center their all conversations around agreeing on how nobody else is 'together' enough. Then, when they lose interest, they can ghost each other and neither of them will care. Being with an unhealed DA if you're anything else is an absolutely futile endeavor. I'm glad channels like PDS provide compassionate content for the ones that are genuinely committed to healing and showing up better in relationships. Most DAs self-identify as secure and just judge everyone else. Getting to the point of at least acknowledging there's a problem is rare.

[Revolution-tlwo]

Just to add one more thing, Matthew Hussey says it best: "You have your reasons, but I have my reality [experience]. And what *I'M* interested in is my reality [experience]." In other words, who GAF about the DA's reasons. Being constantly dismissed, invalidated, and used is a reality I don't have time for.

[sshuteandrew]

Unless your DA partner is self-aware and doing the work, be prepared for a world of emotional abuse. That’s how they operate.

[bellybabe]

I believe more times than not many of us know certain relationships are not for us and we can’t love someone into their growth. It’s going to happen on their own time and we don’t have to wait for it. I’ve also found that the best closure comes from a meeting with self rather than the other person. Rarely are other’s actions personal.

[susannahpearethcaning]

Please don’t ghost; if you are overwhelmed just say so. Anxious people tend to spiral by the confusion and then that pushes the DA away further. But they don’t understand how hurtful and painful it is to do so. Even just in friendships

[selenadiaz]

I never know when they are ghosting or if they are just deactivating...
Ghosting to me is permanent. When they deactivate...they come back. That is what leaves even a secure...anxious

[Awakened.for.good]

Being in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant is a constant one step up and two steps back.

[BGivka]

Yes!!!
What's worse than being treated like that, is not realizing WHY OR WHAT is going on.. being ghosted, without warning, is brutal and painful..

[jillainenewman]

My avoidant ghosted me six weeks ago. The pain is so intense I'm surprised it hasn't killed me.

[Pr_]

As an AP leaning secure I put my reality before my feelings first. If I get ghosted it’s more their issues than mine. It’s a sign you got away instead of getting into something they will never show up for. I get on with my goals in life because that’s more important

[QHG]

I’m a strong DA in most of my relationships who has a tendency to ghost people (which I feel really bad about) and you explained the thought process perfectly. The fears simply take over the deeper I get into a friendship, usually happening as a result of not feeling like I can trust the person to meet my needs or truly care about me, even if I’m the one who inadvertently does this to myself by not expressing myself, my needs, and being myself in the first place. It’s like I’m anticipating a problem coming to a peak, yet I’m the one who always creates the problem through my own actions, and then I feel so much inner tension that I back out completely and ghost the people for weeks or even months. I’m in the process of working on it and I know I will overcome this attachment style. Thanks Thais :)

[stormvet]

The best thing to do is get the hell away from them before they drive you insane. I ended up in therapy after a two-year DA relationship then a terrible breakup. Confusion and emotional pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

[letmeseemm]

Ha... that's exactly what he said. "I don't owe you anything" it was the most hurtful statement I'd ever heard from someone I was trying to love.

[ShaunBennetFauntleroy]

Thank you so much for asking people to be nice to us (DAs). Before I found PDS I watched a lot of other videos with counselors who talked about DAs so negatively that I just felt horrible and completely unlovable. Your kindness, positivity, and belief that we can improve is a breath of fresh air and really healing.

[daniellegage]

Last time my DA disappeared, I sent him a message similar to the script in this video. He responded quickly saying that he didn't want to let me go. I stayed, now here we are 3 months later and he has done it again, I am sending another message like the one before, not holding my breath because I can't go back when I am constantly scared he is gonna disappear without warning.

[EH_]

In certain situations, it is likely better to employ an indefinite no-contact rule with your ex after you have been ghosted- especially if can be confirmed that they have not had a nervous breakdown, are in a coma, etc. Most people do not think highly of a person who walked out on them, in fact, the reverse of this is more often true. No one should have to fib in order to receive closure and wanting their input that badly places too much control in their hands. You can give yourself closure by MOVING ON. It will burn for a while, but you will pull through. Time will make sure of that. It's almost never fruitful to contact one who who has ghosted you. You'll often not get the closure that you seek, and, in addition to that, you may be met with criticism or a narrative that projects you to be the enemy. Save yourself the heartache, employ indefinite no-contact, seek therapy if needed to cope with the pain, and accept that bo answer that they give would be good enough to quell your heartache. You'll likely have to be the source of validation for yourself.

[toner]

I did this with a DA because I wanted him to see how much I cared for him, in the hopes that he will change his mind or make me feel better. A message like this is ONLY going to make you seem like a "cool girl" who isn't bothered by anything. Ghosting is one of the most commonly talked about (and frowned upon) concept in dating. Everyone knows better. The DA's should not be positively reinforced for ghosting...they should not receive special treatment. People of all attachment styles and issues HAVE to break out of their shell to date. We are are ALL putting ourselves out there when we go dating...some of us have to get rid of our body issues, social anxiety, etc. Since Anxious Preoccupied specifically attract DA's the most, and the AP is rejected and likely to feel the effects more...the emphasis should be for the AP to send a message to the DA to get closure. After all, the AP was dumped and is hurt MUCH MORE than the DA, and the dumper.

[GeorgideMarne]

I was a DA until recently and I haven't ghosted someone since I was 18 ! More than 20 years.. That's just immaturity.

[DD-jblq]

So they are basically selfish, inconsiderate and highly self focused humans...this is helpful to learn how to spot them and avoid them maybe. But it's difficult in friendships to manage people like this.

[vp]

@Thais why should we wish the DA all the best when we're ourselves badly hurt by their behaviour? And why tell them we're not upset when ghosting to us feels like profound disrespect?