Going No Contact with a Dismissive Avoidant

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In this video, coach Courtney Gatlin talks about what you'll potentially see when you go no contact with a dismissive avoidant. As a general rule, a dismissive won't be the ones to reach out and try to re-engage the relationship.

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#dismissiveavoidant #coachcourt #breakups #healing #relationshipadvice #nocontactrule

[williegeorges]

It’s crazy that every video I watch is like he’s telling me about myself it’s exciting to know what I am and how I can grow in who I am

[elle]

Well I will never know. I've given up on this person. I will not be reaching out. How much rejection can a person take. And for what, loving them? It's unfair and abusive. I have to protect myself.

[novembersky]

“They look for your flaws…” YES. Despite being empathetic and patient, I apparently don’t deserve the same grace when I’m not perfect all the time.

[liltsummerlin]

But they sure don't mind rejecting somebody else! They don't want to get hurt but they have No problem hurting the other person to "Save" themselves. They want you to understand Them but don't try at all to understand You

[sarvnazjabbari]

It's so sad to see how many people are disappointed by a DA partner 😞 it's just so draining and hopeless

[alexgorron]

They're A LOT of work. Their own fears will sabotage the relationship. They will suddenly leave you. If you are in the early stages of a relationship with one, run!

[dawnandrews]

I absolutely don't want him back. He pulled away from me and I walked away. It feels so good to be free from the emotionally unavailable nonsense.

[larrymiller]

Why would anyone watching this want to go back to an avoidant? It's a cold miserable existence devoid of what a true relationship should be! After the first few months, it's torture.... Break the trauma bond and move on!

[perspicacity]

I'm not dating a DA ever again. They're not mature enough to date anyone. Most older DAs are alone and have no friends.

[bpxnowyouknow]

I think you got it WRONG buddy! It is definitely NOT worth it pursuing a dismissive avoidant (DA). It is a complete waste of your time, money, energy, and resources. Why pursue someone who isn't emotionally available and will gladly treat a stranger better than they will treat you? NO!!!

I've been there, done that, and will never ever do it again!

[MichelleLeeSWEKR]

I have dated 2 avoidants in the past and just recently got out of a relationship with one, just now learned about these attachment styles and I will never, I repeat, NEVER again date another avoidant. It's too much work for little to no reward. It's simply not worth it.

[MinaWest]

One joke toxic thing about the avoidant, is there unrealistic expectations on relationships, recently been broken up with a DA and at first I was sad (and still have my moments) but now I feel free. Noway in hell will I break no contact to see how they are doing, they messed up hard when they let me go, they are going to either find out the hard way and come crying begging and proof change to get me back, or I just have to trust God has someone much better for me. The more i find out about DA’s the more turned off I am and over my toxic ex. 2 years together and thrown away because of there disrespect and fear.

[kellarenna]

So glad I'm discovering this now. It's been "only" 9 months of pure confusion and crushed self esteem before I started researching any of this. I've been left hanging on so many occasions and let me tell you, I'm sure many of you know, there is nothing worse than to keep shoving your needs aside and being left hanging over and over. Feeling inadequate, feeling all yourb flaws under a microscope...I've never felt more alone in my life than with this person. At least now I have answers. My self esteem has taken a dive and it's made my anxious attachment tendencies even worse. Being called needy for wanting to spend more than 1-2 hours a week together...I decided to go no contact when he decided to take another vacation for 2 weeks for his birthday and says he "isn't ready" to include me yet.

[buffyhettinger]

I say it’s NOT worth it. If you aren’t too far in, RUN. I’m married to mine and it’s been nothing but heartbreak.

[karlippo]

You just summarized my four year heart wrenching relationship with the man I love but I am broken, exhausted, drained, empty, heart broken due to his DA behavior and he has no intention of getting help or changing. I will never ever again hope to fall in love with a DA. It is impossible. Unless youre okay with feeling like shit most of the time. Working on my own wounds now. Feels like I have been wrestling a lion and carressing a kitten, which could turn any time in to this lion again.
I am so sad. He has a good heart. But he is broken. And now me too.

[SofiLofiAdventures]

Me and the DA broke up over a month after 4 years of back and forth. I’m an AP but have been working on becoming more secure. DA’s can be nice people with great qualities but I wouldn’t recommend trying to get back with one unless you are ok with being the only one fighting for the rel when things get rough. This is unhealthy for you, do you truly want someone who says “they are just fine being alone” “you need too much” think about it...8 years from now, can you manage to resolve every argument on your own without lowering your self esteem each time? The DA will never fight there mode is to flight. Do you want to have kids with someone who really dosnt value relationships as much as you do?
I know you love them and just want it to work but it’s better to find yourself a secure or anxious partner. Don’t spend years trying to be on your best behavior hoping they will magically gets attached the way you do, it’s not possible they will leave you high and dry then you will beg them back and suppress your own needs then you start to become disconnected.
Work on becoming more secure so you won’t feel the need to chase. Good luck I know how painful it all is.

[DirtyBetaPsi]

"Is it worth getting your DA ex back? It CAN be." With respect, I disagree, at least in my case. My relationship was full of love bombs, future faking, and emotional abuse, followed by more love bombing, future faking, and lies upon lies. She pretended to be someone she wasn't in order to keep me in her life while she waited for "the one" to take her back. Then discarded me as if I never existed. No apologies, no "thank you for keeping me company, " nothing. Any emotions she shared were part of any one of 8 different personas she took on in order to cope with the world. No one knows who she really is, including herself.

[larajensen]

This is how my ex is. He’s very avoidant and walks away in and out it’s draining. Then when he comes in he acts all loving then the next switches up on me. And blames me ENTIRELY on everything. It’s so toxic. And abusive. I did effort mainly and chased him for far too long and gave him chance after chance. I’m done with him and had my realizations recently I’m fed up.

[lunabetul]

It was hurtful at first, but im good now after 3 months. He was just breadcrumbing me anyway. He is not worth my time, DAs are most likely narcissts also. I wish I’d never met with him.

[asiah]

Thank you, I’m so happy you emphasized its regardless of who breakups with who. All the videos I watched are from a dumpee perspective and I’m the dumper that actually broke it off and tried to still fight for the relationship. He said exactly what you said “it’s a relief”. I’m more of an anxious attachment style. That can hurt but sometimes it’s not always about ME. People don’t realize that the dumper goes through emotions as well.