Trauma bonding in a LONG DISTANCE relationship

ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"

JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM

JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK

GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS

SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST

LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[nataliehelmig]

I gave up dating and relationships altogether because I'm a magnet and easy target for narcs. I got so tired of being gaslit, lied to and cheated on etc that I became completely mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted and drained of all my confidence. I've never been happier since ditching dating and I don't regret it for a second. There is a great sense of freedom in singledom and no man will ever ruin that for me again.😊

[deborahswart]

Long distance makes one fantasise abt how to "do better" next time. These unrealistic fantasies are time-consuming and energy-draining and make you forget to experience the present.

[AliceD.Pittman]

Wow, this is so uplifting, it’s important to stay inspired. I feel a deep sense of emptiness, it’s been 2months since jack left and everyday feels like an eternity without him. My mind’s been flooded with memories of our time together. It’s so painful that I’d never get to experience the little things with him again. zI’ve texted him several times telling him how much I miss and want him sadly he replied none. Guess all I can do is just hold unto the memories.

[AsToldByBrittanyy]

This channel makes me feel less crazy.

[amylynn]

Yes the chase and missing them pulls you to them even more. You can idealize them and they can be so charming living apart and you fall for it.

[joeb]

I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years. The girl I met online love bombed me for about 2 months. Wow, what a rush. I didn't know what hit me. Well, that lasted for about 6 months. I told her what I felt and how deceptive she was. She then disappeared for about 4 months. She then reached out to me and we were an item again.
We were doing quite well until about Jan 2024. It's been on and off, hot & cold and driving me insane. I was doing a lot of the pursuing but was becoming too much for the both of us. I finally backed off and now she's starting to come around very cautiously. Now, I don't reach out to her at all. She's slowly starting to come around. I have no idea what to expect at this point. There are no 'I love you's' between us, yet. I'm terrified of leaving her.
Thank you Dr Ramani, for all of the info.

[sushmayen]

Mostly they live rent free in our mind. Distance will not matter.

[lornajwebb]

Absolutely!! I reckon that Long distance relationships offers a better platforms for trauma bonding because they can so readily remove their communications.

[karunas]

Good Morning. I WISH to share a great news. After 2.5 yrs after a 2 yr relationship w past narc ex. I focused on healing and listening to your videos and with help of your book. I met someone after diligent healing work. I just got engaged past wknd. ❤❤❤❤❤

[SloppyJolene]

Yes, 100%. I've lived it for two years, with a covert narcissist. Still recovering.

[humbleheart]

Yes! I was in a long distant relationship with my narcissist father for 10 years as an adult calling him every Sunday. It was a one way relationship always me reaching out to him to keep the connection. I’m almost 50 and just learned about narcissists and found you. So glad I’m healing. I stopped all contact and now re-evaluating every current and past relationship I’ve had with ex’s, friends, my own children…..

[daleswain]

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder" (There's myth we can take on) - I can say this is so true and your cognitive thoughts can make you think wonderful things... we Romanize the little things they do and say and their means, which only makes the trauma bond worse. For me, I have had a couple long distant relationships and I actually enjoyed them more when they were far away... they were nicer and kinder and not the arrogant jerk they were most the time in person. However, I was so trauma bonded I hung on for dear life, but I didn't understand trauma bonding back then. One boyfriend even cheated on me continuously when we were apart and even fathered a child and I didn't want to stay but I felt stuck as if super glue was holding me there. My loyal is not always a good thing for me.

[marconius]

Yes! I'm still stuck in a limerence state and trying to process it so I can move out of it. It's been almost 2 years. Like so many of us, I have such deep attachment wounds along with a disorganized attachment style...lots of healing to do.

[IzabelaWaniek-ix]

Trauma bonding is an extremely painful experience and it takes a lot of time and grief to get out of it. Thank you dr Ramani ❤

[Anadrol]

Very interesting subject thank you, I got trapped in a long distance relationship with a awful narc

[Wishpool]

YES! I was LD friends with my nex for 5.5 yrs. He contacted me while going through a divorce saying "You're the one who got away." I took the bait and we dated LD for 2 yrs (1700 miles apart). We chatted constantly, so I felt secure, but only saw him 7 nights in 2 yrs. He was the *king of future faking* and had me hooked, until he discarded me for new supply when his divorce was final. It's been 4 yrs since our split and it was the most painful breakup I've dealt with! 😪

[paulinecronin]

The trauma bonding began early days in our four year long distance relationship paving the way for 18 more years of hell when we were finally together in the same place. If I knew then, what I know now.

[gailrobinson]

Yes! My mother lives 6000 miles away. Ive been here 2 decades! 😢 So thankful for knowing!❤

[MarcosFerreira-ywjk]

Traumatic (or traumatic) bonds are created when strong emotional bonds are established to connect two people, following an incident in which one person attacks, expresses violent behavior, is abusive, intimidating and threatening. It is an emotional dependence between two people, in a relationship characterized by periods of abuse, violence and power imbalance. The root of this bond is marked by feelings of intense connection, cognitive distortion and behavioral strategies of both individuals that paradoxically strengthen and maintain the bond, which is reflected in the vicious cycle of violence.
“I don’t want you except because I want you

and from wanting you to not wanting you I arrive

and waiting for you when I don't wait for you

passes my heart from cold to fire.

I want you just because I want you,

I hate you without end and, hating you, I beseech you,

the measure of my traveling love

is not seeing yourself and loving yourself as an ego…”.

(PABLO NERUDA – SONNET LXVI).

[markrichardson]

Absolutely yes it happened to me in a long distance relationship