Attachment Styles & The Drama Triangle (Part 1): Intro To The Drama Triangle

Hello!

Okay SO, this is a video I filmed a while back where I talked about what the drama triangle is, as well as how each attachment style (anxious attachment, avoidant attachment and fearful-avoidant attachment) plays into it. BUT the video was VERY long and information-dense so I decided to break it down into a series of shorter videos.

This one goes over what the Drama Triangle and the Empowerment Dynamic are, and why an awareness of them is the CRUCIAL first step to healing your attachment style.

Stay tuned for more in-depth explanations of how each attachment style uniquely interacts with this system - and how each one can empower themselves to step out of it and begin their healing process.

[tonyasargent]

This opened my eyes to how I've been playing all three of these parts within myself and to myself. I commit to save myself by promising myself I will be perfect. Then I persecute myself for not being perfect. Then I feel like a worthless victim for not living up to my unreasonable standards. Thank you for this insite.

[twinkytobar]

I have seen many coaches in youtube lately, but you stand out from the rest because of the way you say difficult things in a simple but deep way. Thanks

[ScottH]

I can't seem to peel myself away from your videos. You are a gift. thank you.

[jbertacchi]

Heidi's video stards:
Me: Grabs pencil and paper ASAP

Edit.: Seriously, though. Your videos made me realize how vulnerable I am and how much I have to improve to get over my past traumas and have better relationships. Keep up with the great content

[iablameez]

Can't wait for the rest... you really have a way of putting everything simple and easy to understand

[kylahyland]

You're so right. I follow a PDS on fb, and have come to realise that the number of posts that are posted about asking people to decode texts and reassure people what usually a DA or FA is saying. I started to detach from the school because 99% of posts were nothing to do with healing.
Im glad it wasn't all in my head, and what i saw is a real dynamic! FA here 🥰

[letsgooooooo]

Its so interesting that after starting therapy i actually stopped playing the saviour and started being a coach. When i leaned to be a creator and how to set boundaries, everything changed normally.

Im so happy to be here. Thanks Heidi!

[lindadunn]

Thank you. I "met" Transactional Analysis whilst "in" a process of taking responsibility for myself. I like how you're connecting Attachment Theory and The Drama Triangle.

[evolving.as.jen]

The Empowered Triangle! Coach, Challenger, Creator! Yeah!!! This is such good information!

[MattKrack]

I totally was in a mostly secure attachement mindset, got into a relationship with an FA (unknowingly due to several factors, and just ignorance) and once they started triggering due to the usual factors for them, it definitely threw me into a way more anxious mode and from there I daily bounced between that and thinking in secure ways. But still it was pretty overwhelming and now just doing the extra work to get better at seeing those situations come up better more on the front end vs the tail end.

[marjoriecrawford]

SO good, Heidi!💖👏🏻 I've def been all 6, in both triangles, lol.😅 And you are sooo right: the process never, ever, ever ends. Even just having an awareness of these dynamics...helps a ton.

[anthonyvasquez]

Just discovered you and hell yea! I'm glad you combined: attachment styles, drama triangle and the empowerment dynamic! Thank you for doing this! This is awesome

[chavsmusic]

Thanks so much for this, Heidi. Just on point and on time for me.
As a fearful avoidant, when I went online to find out more about avoidant styles after my anxiously attached partner told me I was fearful avoidant, all i found was endless hate. It was NOT fun (t also made me realize a lot within my own relationship, how I may actually be perceived, and possibly, hopefully not, spoken about ) it was painful. I decided not to ignore it as my default disposition generally is. I spoke up - which was quite much growth for me, since as an INFP I’m not naturally a speaker upper. I also eventually left most of these groups and thank god found you tubers who were recommended on the thread of my comment and thus found your channel instead of them groups :). I do find your info to be least biased without the implied message of the focus on how to change etc the (Evil, most likely narcissistic) avoidant So so much more helpful. Your channel also made me realize that as a fearful avoidant my role is to find a way to cut space for myself “within the relationship” rather than withdraw to do so. That it was normal and healthy to figure out a way to do so. It was no doubt the best advice. That AHA moment for me.
I still have a long road to go in terms of communication and even knowing what I want into the moment within a relationship without being affected by what I know the other person will want…. But hey, who said growth isn’t always a work in progress.
(Unfortunately, My close to 3 year relationship is over at this point :(. Difficult. I e never been in one that i “connected” on this level. It’s been only a week and still doesn’t feel right. But perhaps ultimately it’s for the good)

[joyfulsilhouette]

This really helped me to understand an interaction that I had...it's interesting because based on ur explanation it seems like this person was trying to provoke me into being the rescuer but I have firm boundaries so instead I tried to help him see he doesn't need the rules to bend; he is capable of finding a solution within the rules...then he became so angry and aggressive. So, I tried to help him see he was making a choice that would have consequences but ultimately he is the one in control of himself and therefore in control of the consequence. I validated his frustration and tried to help him navigate his feelings while continuing to have firm boundaries...then one day he said he realized how the situation was actually helping him & he started to feel empowered because he realized he does have options & he can navigate the boundaries. I was really surprised but after watching this video, I understand the situation much better.

I couldn't figure out why he was antagonizing me but now it makes sense... because without firm boundaries, it would have been easy for me to move into the role of persecutor or rescuer. (because he kept begging for special treatment and then drowning me in insults when I refused)

Very interesting. I appreciate the video

[danabarlagne]

Wow!
I'm so glad I found your videos!!
Finally out of a Narcissistic relationship of 8 years, then healing and learning about FA. I'm an empath and anxious attachment style person. Learning to self care about me.
Thank you Heidi!

[BClevs]

I've been watching so many videos on attachment theory, and your description of how each style engages in the comments is soooo accurate 😂

[martinastep]

Perfect timing of finding this video. ❤

[SusanaXpeaceu]

My dad is a very weak man, my mother's foot soldier, and I can see how my mother has persecuted me with projections, with his back up. I tried to reverse the persecution (i guess) when I called her out, and she played the victim at first then when that didn't work she flipped it and told me to get help.... My Dad just backs her up no matter what. It was indeed my innate need for justice that made me attempt to make them understand that they shouldn't have projected ''paranoid'' on to me for decades when it was my father who went to a psychiatric hospital with paranoia!! Enjoying this series

[menow]

thankyou for the reminder that this is a life long endeavor. Today I was thrown for a loop and it's hard for me to see myself on the hamster wheel of feeling the need to fix or fawn just because of an out of the blue email. I'm thankful I can recover to myself and move forward with self love and awareness.

[Star-djkw]

❤❤ 4:13 EXCELLENT explanation of the Drama Triangle