What is Avoidant Dismissive Attachment Style? A Therapist Explains

👉🏼 DO YOU PULL AWAY IN CONFLICT? Avoidant/Dismissing attachment style often stems and began during your childhood when your parents or caregivers most likely work consistently unresponsive or neglectful. You most likely suffered a significant loss of emotional connection in attunement with your primary caregivers. You learned that people are not dependable. How you coped, how you managed that void, was by not trusting others for your emotional needs; you learned to rely on self-soothing techniques (video games, books, school, etc.) Most likely now you struggle with emotional language connecting with emotions sharing emotions, especially in intimate relationships. In conflict, you most likely manage and navigate by pulling away emotionally, possibly numbing, or withdrawing physically entirely.

👉🏼 The good news is it’s never too late to heal. There is a process called “earned secure attachment” where you can heal any time in your life by retraining yourself by healing from past wounds hurts and traumas.

‼️ One quick exercise, a starting point, if you relate to this and if you feel you connected to this is the following:

- Think of a moment or a memory where you did feel connected to someone. And then ask yourself these questions, how was it for you when you felt seen? What did you notice in your body?

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#travisgoodman #therapist #avoidantattachment

DISCLAIMER:
ALL VIDEOS are for educational purposes only and are NOT a replacement for treatment from a licensed professional.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 988, a local emergency telephone number, or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

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[willowoodz]

finally a person who talks ab avoidant attachment style like it’s not some disease!! thank u.

[marioct]

Heal yourself before you hurt another person.

[silvaroo]

I want to heal. I recently discovered that I am fearful avoidant (FA) and it’s been taking a toll on my romantic and platonic relationships. I recognize that this pattern of behavior, where I shut down and refuse to confront the problem is not healthy and it hurts people. Instead, I will choose to confront these issues and recognize how they hurt people.

[QueSarahSarah]

My mom tried her best, but she was a navy wife before divorce, so basically a single mom of 5 kids. She also comes from the old school tradition of being tough and a "pulling up your bootstraps" attitude. As much as she loved us, i never had anyone to share my deep emotions with and rarely felt i was taken seriously when i had something to say. So yeah, definitely learned to keep my emotions to myself. Plus after certain events and betrayals, I don't trust anyone with my emotions anymore.

[benithacalloway]

I swear no one on the internet explains or describes the correct definition of an avoidant attachment person like you do. I conclude here 🥰👋🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[chasingfreedom]

I do this.
It’s like I freeze up and just look at someone when they start venting or sharing their raw emotions.

It gives off a disconnected, IDC energy which pissed my fiancé off so much.

She had more of an anxious attachment style. Beautiful, expressive, emotional spirit. Craves emotional intimacy and closeness.

Our engagement was shattered after just three busy weeks overseas

[KYVN]

I needed to hear this. Tbh ive only hugged my parents once. Im crying.

[MyForeverPerson]

I rather be an avoidant than an anxious. I used to be anxious now I am an avoidant. I avoid getting close for the sake of not getting attached

[daniellebibona]

Or you don't talk about your past at All! Overall though this man is actually on point. I speak from experience and I continue to do these things. I know that I could change but unfortunately I feel that people won't change. I have major abandonment issues and feel like people only come around when they want something. I feel as if people are no longer genuine, trustworthy, or worth the time due to past experiences and major disappointments

[JJ-rpdf]

Unresponsive parents, barriers and emotional reactivation is so true.

[sunshinerain]

I had VERY LOVING & SUPPORTIVE parents -- mine stems from horrific bullies at school

[Studio-ofth]

I think im going through this. My girlfriend tells me Im closed off and dont open up to her. But Im always there for her and give her support and advice for whatever shes going through. Ive always prided myself on taking care of things without help from others. I dont really show any vulnerability around her which makes me seem cold and distant. Im crazy about her and she makes me want to be a better person but I just cant tell her. She knows how i feel about her and that I have a hard time expressing it

[RaraAviss]

My parents gave me financial stability. They would take care of me but in the sense that my mom instead of reading for me before bed, she bought me a bunch of audiobooks on CDs so I could play them myself. I don’t remember them ever saying that they love me, they never hugged me. When I brought that up they say “don’t you know that? We built our whole life around you. Actions are more important than words”. I always kept my emotions to myself. And now I can’t date people. I don’t know how to show them affection. It stresses me out and I leave. I only feel relatively good alone, when I don’t have to consider other people in my plans and when nobody depends on me. Family, friends, partners..it all suffocates me. But I don’t want to be alone either. So it’s sucks

[TheTreisecelene]

Whoa..nailed it. You just described me 💯 in ways that therapists I saw for years never could. Wow..I gotta watch that on repeat.

[kakashifight]

Not always parental neglect, sometimes it is genetics. My son has it, just like his mother and her brother. The boy was loved and cared for properly in every aspect, especially emotionally.

He was aware of what he wanted and did not want starting with four month old and this characteristic remains with him till today.

Stubborn, arrogant, friendly, loved and accepted, … and would never open up literally since four months old. I never heard him say I love you or I need you or can you help me.

Silence and smiles are his motto.

[centrerandom]

I cant believe I found the answer to a question I'd had my entire life from your video!

[tummy-thy]

I just ended a relationship after fear and reluctance to get attached, from pulling away there was conflict which made me withdraw more. I lost interest in continuing and if anything reinforced my reluctance.
I thought about being honest, and express what I felt but that terrified me and I couldn’t do it. I wrote it down, but thought there’s no way I’m ever saying any of this out loud. I listened to advice saying I needed to state my needs. But that was just as terrifying, it’s easier to think of the negative qualities, break up, move on and if regret sets in again remember the bad traits and negatives (reasons things would never workout) or just live with it.
I only recently learned of attachment theory. And realized that I’ve always been the dumper, and most of my relationships end after 4-6months. My marriage (11yrs) was the only exception in how long it lasted, but I was married 5 months into dating.
After this recent breakup I realized how much I need to heal and work on myself before getting involved with anyone else. It was great until I began to pull away, I wish I hadn’t. Or that I could get over my fear of being open and “vulnerable”

[sarahy]

For the longest time, I thought I was a narcissist and believed I needed to be away from people I loved and push away everyone because I was scared of hurting people, but it turns out I'm avoidant attachment

[tiaSilvaCtrly]

Hello Doctor. Thanks for these key words. I was an outgoing teenager and extroverted young adult but somehow due to lifes' many job losses and family sickness. After several depression episodes and I've become a lonely person. I've worked mostly with sales and have not had the courage to continue and been doing very poorly specially the last two years. I'm looking for motivation to get back the courage to stand up at the "stage" of life. My parents were great providers. I think I am bipolar but most of the time in the depression mode but when feeling better not been able to find friendships.

[melaniegreen]

I am sure i have avoidant attachment. When i was a child my parents would argue then afterwards come to me like i was their therapist. I cried every time they fought and they ignored my emotions, but shared their emotions. I found out much later that is emotional parentification. I was told i was too emotional, and i learned to very independent, and unfortunately i am avoidant. I do not want to be a doormat and even though i want to be close to people i feel they are going to hurt me and take advantage.