Why You're AFRAID of Intimacy (Not Just Being Picky)

Are you someone who's been labeled as "too picky" when it comes to relationships and intimacy? Perhaps you keep noticing flaws in potential partners and you turn them down. Even when things seem to be going well with someone, you might find a valid reason to stay single. But there's often more to this than meets the eye.

You're not alone. In our video, we will discuss the real reasons why you might be experiencing difficulties with intimacy.

#intimacy #love #relationship #dating

Writer: Morgan Swift
Editor: Isadora Ho
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Youtube Manager: Cindy Cheong

References

Why You Struggle with Intimacy (Not Just Being Picky)

[BirdieSenpai]

John Lennon said it well in Take 1 of the Beatles' performance of Don't Let Me Down in their famous rooftop performance:

I know re reshi ga blee blue gee go.

In other words, don't deny your own needs if they aren't unhealthy and aren't wrong for the sake of fear or pride, but don't feel that you must go out of your way to satisfy them as quickly as possible or to your own detriment. In seeking to fulfill your healthy, good needs, you may end up making bad decisions or doing things that are unhealthy or wrong if you don't go about it in the right way. Pace yourself, know your limitations, set healthy expectations of yourself, and don't be too afraid or prideful to ask for help.

There will be failures, but we must get back up again and move forward after each one, and, often, there will be someone there to help us get to our feet; we just don't always realize or accept it.

[unicorniodonut]

When you realize how cruel and mean people can be, you start to be more cautious for your personal health, but it turns out that there are also good people that want something with you and you can't know it because of your distrust

[DeRez]

Hard to be afraid of something nobody wants to give you.

Seriously though, I wish I had someone to be intimate with. I have been betrayed a lot, but after a year of loneliness and self-reflection... I discovered that intimacy is something I really want. I want to be loved. Sadly looks are everything and hook up culture is rampant. Very hard to find someone who actually wants to commit. When you look like me it's even harder.

[nightpilot]

I am in my early to mid 20s. I did not date as a teenager; I do not have experiences that many people have. The concept of intimacy and physical contact (from non-family members) is foreign to me; if someone does show me interest, which is very rare, I find it strange and do not know how to react. People I know have provided tips on what to do if someone shows interest, but my mind consistently draws blanks. The same happens when I have interest in someone else. I can't initiate or engage in flirting; I am too quiet and slow thinking for this.

I'm ranting at this point lol. In summary: I have nothing to say nor am I an enjoyable "fun" person, yet I desire conversation and enjoyment in life with someone else.

[Aan]

Timestamps
1). You've been betrayed before 0:21
2). You have to be cautious 1:00
3). Take care of you 1:44

Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

[BunchaCrunches]

Being told I'm worth waiting for makes me cry. I'm generally a happy and goofy person but there's a lot of pain and anxiety behind that. I have stories and the gift of gab but I never really talk about myself because I'm terrified that once that door is open, noone wants to stay.

[ReisssPieces]

The first time I ever gathered the courage to admit to my crush that I liked them (I wrote an "anonymous" note), I was humiliated. Like the whole classroom made fun of me humiliated. After being made fun of a couple more times over the years, I gave you completely. No one ever expressed that they liked me. I've even had a friend tell me to back off. I often think the few friends I do have don't truely like me, maybe even see me as a nuisance, even if they do like me. I'm 27 and I've never had a romantic relationship, and I do feel like my fear of intimacy is a big factor in why I identify as asexual.

[BenBenBenBenBenBenBenBenBenBn]

I have an avoidant attachment style, and I know fear of intimacy firsthand. That said, I never get to experience that fear, because despite meeting quite a few people over my few years of adulthood so far, I never got in a position where intimacy could happen in the first place. No one has really shown interest in me beyond casual friendship, and how people go into anything deeper is beyond me. The worst part is when people - my therapist included - try to explain to me that it just happens naturally. It makes me feel like I'm just broken, not functioning "correctly", in a "natural" manner. At this point, I'm just accepting that I'll die without knowing what intimacy feels like, because every explanation I'm given just doesn't make sense, and I'm clearly someone who cannot "generate" meaningful bonds

[askew]

Not afraid at all. I embrace it. Tired of being deceived and not actually loved. I’ve got me.

[ifyoucantseemypfpyourcurse]

Oof this one hit home-
Just this month, I was dating my bestfriend (I’ll say A) but weren’t exclusive yet. My other friend (B) found out we were dating and since they also liked them, decided to ask Person A to be their partner. That would’ve been fine, a little painful yeah but it’s not like we were exclusive.

Part that bugged me was Person A did not tell me for weeks. Person B did though, and it was generally awkward. I had hoped Person A would just send even a quick message is all.

But then Person B and me talk more about it and I come to find Person A’s view on us dating. They told Person B I had been pushy for us to date and that that they regretted it but would much rather date Person B. The upsetting part is that Person A had confessed to me and asked me out. Maybe their perspective was different but I’d like to think I’m pretty laid back with that stuff with already not wanting to “burden” people with dating me so I always tell them it’s okay to change their mind. (Kinda bad mindset but not main point.)

So yeah that all just hurt.
In short, bestfriend who asked me out dropped me for my friend without hesitation and lied to people in the process.

Don’t really want pity but it was nice to get off my chest thanks random strangers online who decided to read

[bombergame]

And then there's me who's not even afraid of intimacy because I have no chance whatsoever 😎

[LauraLanford]

As a 38 year old who tried to engage in a relationship twice and none worked out even as a boyfriend, I keep this little hope to find someone someday, but I don't look and I don't really mind if I never find it. Yes I was let down a number of times along these years, from a very young age, and nowadays my mind is set that every human can let me down, only non-existing characters are perfect.

[ems.master]

"Healthy independence" is actually called interdependence. I relate to some signs, but I'm healing. I wish the best for everyone.

[anuruksuriyaarachchi]

It's always good to give these information to someone who hopes to build an intimate relationship but given up due to other causes. Keep up the good work!

[tims]

Nothing wrong with staying single but don't be single due to insecurities if you want to be with someone do try to overcome these insecurities ❤

[cobaltprime]

Yeah. This is it. I’ve been rejected many times. Friend zone, ghosted, whatever. I want a relationship but I’m too scared to get close to anyone anymore.

[fst]

My biggest problem is trust. I have a best friend that I liked way more than a friend. She took interest in just about everything I did and we used to talk and meet up a lot. She was genuinely a great person to me and I felt really alive around her. I never asked her out though, not because of the fear of rejection but because said rejection could make things awkward between us and I would lose my best friend. I was never that lucky with relationships and yes I do consider myself picky. It almost feels like a synchronization thing, looks matter but barely, conversation and just general behavior mattered way more. So I kid you not when I expressed interest in someone they are some of the best people and are always taken.... Except her. I genuinely didn't mind being just friends with her for a long time, I just loved her smile and wanted her to be happy. However, I was basically self destructing behind the scenes. She sent a lot of mixed signals and I would internally just debate, that if I liked her how has no one else come along for her. Then I would spiral further debating whether or not I would be good enough for her and the answer would be no because my self esteem isn't really that high. In the end I broke down and pushed her away for about 5 years now. I have other great friends to hang out with but I have never missed someone so much. Its like they died and I felt dead inside. I recently contacted her again and shes just acting like the same person I used to talk to before. We re catching up slowly. As of right now I am quite happy again, I feel alive. I dont think a relationship is in the cards between us, I dont believe people forget the past. I complicated everything if there ever was a proper chance. But at least for NOW I am happy.

Biggest takeaway from this is please don't do what I did, shoot your shot. Trust other people a little more and most of all trust yourself.

[Moonlava]

I am 51. And I have already come to the fact that I will never be in a relationship or married again. I was married at 19 divorced by 21 with 2 small children under 2. I did not have time for anyone or let alone have some one be another parent. So I focused on my children and so glad I did. So now 51 I am good I see all the crap people put up with. I'm tired and old.

[jgwmain]

I’m not afraid of intimacy, I crave it but never got it from anyone no matter how hard I tried not to focus on it too much. I yearn for it and intimacy with someone can be the cure to my depression as long as that person loves me for who I am.

[pobl]

Just hearing something as simple as "your worth the wait" means so much, thank u guys, u gave me a big ol grin for the day