SIGNS YOU'RE AFRAID OF INTIMACY

**FREE COURSE ON IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT
**CHECKLIST FOR NARCISSISTIC AND BORDERLINE PARENTS:

This video explores the most common signs you're afraid of intimacy, especially as they relate to childhood and attachment wounds in childhood. A journal prompt is included at the end of the video.

Guided journal to help direct healing from childhood coming soon!

xo

*** Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.

Thank you so very much - I truly and sincerely appreciate you, and the time and thoughts you share here:)

[mendingmandy]

My husband and I talked about my issues in that I totally psychoanalyze everyone and every situation. I used to think I was just very into psychology but the truth is I don't feel safe in relationships so I'm always looking for ways someone is going to hurt me. If I can psychoanalyze someone, it gives me a false sense of control. I can see if they would screw me over before they do :/ it's so pervasive. I wish I could stop. I did this with my malignant narcissist mother. I'm still functioning like I was in my tragic childhood

[TheCupcakeicecream]

So I’ve realised I’ve put high expectations on my friendships when in reality what I was trying to do is distract and fill the voids caused from the lack of an intimate/romantic relationship. I’m 33 and never dated until I was 30! I had no experience of affection/intimacy on that level. The relationship ended after 10months as it was toxic. Now here I am trying to unlearn these self sabotaging behaviours and wondering what to do…

[jantaljaard]

Fear of vulnerability plays a huge role.

[littlelifeguides]

1. Pace and Pause at the start/commit too fast
2. Fear of abandonment
3. Fear of engulfment
4. Perfectionism
5. Out of touch with needs due to shame for needs
6. Don't bring ourselves onto relationships with depth
7. Over-analysis/in our heads
8. Unrealistic and overly romanticise the relationship
9. Choose unavailable partners
10. Shared trauma - shortcutting process of intimacy or bonding over wounds
11. Project our wounds on our partner without doing the healing

[themacocko]

What about avoiding relationships altogether?

[kathaas]

This, everything!

I care so much about this man in my life, but im TERRIFIED of it all. Im nitpicking him, im trying to pull away, Im not sharimg my feelings... i hope that i can heal because this relationship has the potential to be so beautiful.

[elysegambino]

I’m so thankful for your insight into this confusing and complex set of patterns! I hear myself, my husband, our relationship in this whole video. We’re both in the process of healing but absolutely experience these thoughts/behaviors that feel so real and “correct” but are sabotaging us. This is immensely helpful and truly inspiring.

[leonardoapgaua]

This video was really awesome. I really needed for a long time to hear about those things from someone who knows about them.

[DrKimSage]

Can you relate to any of these signs in your life or relationships?

[jaxx]

ive known for a while that i have a fear of intimacy. I've only had one relationship that lasted about 4 months due to me self sabotaging it. it's like it aware i'm doing all these things but i don't know how to stop it.

[hannahforgath]

This was really really helpful! But, what do I do now? Like... how would you even heal? Is it possible?

[Nuverselive]

The advice is straight to the point but when I heard percolate... for some reason felt satisfying. Keep it up, your healing the world has better relationships ❣️

[buffup]

Every human I was around from 0-13 years old were abusive and terrorized me, peers, teachers, drunk dad, etc. The universe gave me Schizoid PD as a result. I’ve had one “ girlfriend’” when I was 30, and she was borderline. I loved her, but she was in love with someone else and used me. People suck.

[OZRIC]

I don't necessarily fear intimacy due to things that happened in my childhood. Maybe a few things carry over from my childhood, however I experienced things in my teens that made a bigger impact on my fear of intimacy. I know exactly what causes my fear of intimacy, and they are physical things that I absolutely cannot change (unless I were to die and be reincarnated). Now, I have been in just a few relationships in my 57 years, but I still had a fear of "intimacy" even when I was intimate with those women I should have trusted more. I know that being vulnerable during times I was to be "intimate" has played a huge part in my fear of intimacy. The few women I was with in my life really were like "unicorns" in that they really were attracted to me for whatever reasons. However, I'm positive that most women are not attracted to me enough to want to be intimate with me, and I can read the signs of that pretty well. In my mind I have a legitimate fear of intimacy. I don't have a high opinion of myself physically in the first place, so that puts a damper on any possible future intimate relationships right off the bat. I just see most women as being blatantly judgmental, and I know that I am not just imagining this. Many women anywhere near my age (or even many years younger) have had so many "relationships" that they have a lot of experiences to draw from as well as a lot of men to compare with me. This makes me VERY uncomfortable since I am sure that I will not match or exceed the physical attributes of the men in their past "relationships". In conclusion, I have every reason to legitimately fear intimacy. :(

[iamthenra]

56 year old male virgin just the thought of sex scares me, including kissing and I've avoided it all my life. I have in the past been seen by medical professionals for mental health, and was diagnosed with clinical depression and moderate social anxiety. My mother beat me when I was little and favored my sister. Male friends are few and far between, most have ghosted me. It was suggested by a psychiatrist to seek a female friend, and found that it's almost impossible to find just a "friend" there always seems to be a hidden agenda... I'm tired of feeling alone and lonely rejected unloved like trash thrown by the wayside that nobody wants. I would find a therapist but it costs so much when insurance won't cover anything. I think of all the work that needs to happen just to get to a point where I can find someone to be a friend, and it overwhelms me. Especially when I read how to date and find a partner, I become overwhelmed with all the rules and signs you have to watch for etc... that I just give up before I even start. Then negative self talk kicks in and I figure why would anyone want me anyways, I will eventually be ghosted and by 56 there isn't many quality ladies left... I've never had a girl friend, and didn't start dating until I was 38 and I forced myself to try and every time it failed... after 7 horrible dates I quit trying... Tired of crying myself to sleep at night, I know not very masculine... but I'm not your average guy either.

[seeexy]

wow this was .. most of them was very.. highlights of what i needed to hear! very easier to understand 🎉🎉😮

[nellahermes]

Thank you so much for your work and videos!! It is so, so helpful and I appreciate your warm manner, makes it way easier to follow you! 🤍 from Germany

[Icewing]

I have never been in a relationship. I am not getting any younger.

[OZRIC]

If a person fears intimacy, how would they jump into an intimate relationship immediately??? This makes absolutely no sense at all.

[pushistayaovechka]

How to tell the difference between fear of intimacy and asexuality?