Asexuality OR Fear of Sex?

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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[sunnyfields]

I'm having trouble telling if I'm asexual or just afraid, or both.

[rdashian]

I am so spiritually connected to the golden frog in the background

[imaginareality]

Some asexual people may be scared of sex because they don't actually want to have sex but they feel that it is expected of them. So, if you are ace and you have no interest in sex whatsoever then that's fine, you're awesome, I am the same, and I know it can make things (relationships) hard and scary but we can make it work :)

[Julieac]

I am 60, still a virgin, and have never had any desire to "be" with anyone. I have also always been very much a person who desires my own personal space. I don't like people talking to close to me. I don't like touching much. A hug is okay, but I don't want anyone hanging all over me. I have tried kissing, tried dating, but it always felt like I was pretending to do something that I really didn't want to do. I do however, like the idea of romance. Flowers, candy, someone to spend time with. Someone to make me feel special. So, it is a complicated way to be. I know the older I get, and the more people I have lost, the more I wish I had a companion. But it just gets too complicated to even try, so I don't.

[trayas]

Intimacy and sex are different. An asexual person might really like a kiss and a cuddle but not really interested in it going any further than that.

[devildaddy]

I thought I was crazy. I see people everywhere very engaged and enjoying their sexuality and I just don't experience sexual attraction. Im tearing up because ive looked everywhere for validation and I've found I'm not alone.

[benjibluebird]

I'm super confused because I have like sexual fantasies and I am sexually attracted to certain people and it feels like I would love to have sex with them, but when I end up in actual situations where sex is possible, I feel repulsed and afraid of it and I'm not sure what's going on. Is it the trauma? It is asexuality? Idk..

[hynim]

I don't like guys complimenting me.
It scares me.

[dragonfireartistea]

It's so awesome that you said there's a difference between the fear of sex and asexuality. Many people get it confused, especially when 'asexuality' is represented in media.

I'm asexual, and it took me a while to figure out the word for it. For a long time, I just felt broken. Sexual attraction is a /huge/ part in society and it's hard to find things that say that it's okay to not feel sexual attraction to anyone, male or female. When I found out the asexual community, it was amazing. For the first time in a long time, I felt whole again. That my feelings were normal.

[DeathSpellXVI]

I'm not scared of sex, it's disgusting imo, I'm 31 and have never felt any type of attraction to anyone, not male or female. I'm not interested in relationships either.

[glassesvoices]

I’m afraid of how sex would hurt, I would contract a disease, someone might say I’m horrible, I might become pregnant (At a young age accidentally)

[songcentral]

I’m still a teenager and I’m not into sex or anything. I haven’t even been on a date with anyone before. But that’s because my parents won’t allow it and then I just have no interest in dating at all. I imagine my future and I can already sense a fear of getting too close to people. I’m afraid that when I do live on my own and can make my own choices that I’ll just never get into relationships or overcome the fear of even hugging a man. I already feel uncomfortable hugging my dad but that’s because I was affected by the hurtful “abuse-like” words and frustrations. I told my mom that I don’t even think I want kids one day and she’s like “what! But I want grand babies.” I don’t want to be alone but I don’t want to be vulnerable. Thinking about sex freaks me out and I don’t know why.

[dmvsav]

You're very good at making people feel comfortable.... using "we" and "us". Just sayin'. ♡

[greenbanana]

Not to mention being self conscious and scared of the other person comparing you to other people they have been with

[SomeSayApple]

This just made me realize how weird it is that we make such a huge deal out of sex. Just be safe, get consent, do whatever feels right to you and communicate well!

[kristen]

I feel like I'm pretending when I date. It's something I'm supposed to do in our society, and not something I want to do. This video is incredibly validating

[sunnavana]

I just found your channel, cool that this is the first video! :) My partner is asexual while I'm not, and we're going on 4 years now, so just want to confirm that asexuals can have loving and intimate relationship.

[JadeEliot]

It's so nice to hear a halfway decent explanation of asexuality from someone who's not asexual. As an ace myself, I usually find myself cringing when non-ace people try to explain my orientation.

[fatemakhanpurwala]

I m generally grossed at the mere thought of seeing someone as a piece of meat

[dixielott]

I know my anxieties around sex come from past trauma... but I find that I have anxiety before but once I'm in it I really enjoy it, I also come from a very distant family, we don't hug or kiss or tell eachother we love eachother, we do but don't show it in an affectionate way, so find any kind of intimacy very uncomfortable at first, but I've managed to overcome this, it's just difficult sometimes. I get the whole not wanting to get too close to someone of fear of them hurting you, but there is hope if you're going through this, finding a good partner who you can communicate with and respects you can be amazing x