13 signs emotionally abusive mothers

This video examines unconscious triggers we might ruminate on --and not be able to identify why or what is happening --as well as identifying 13 signs of emotionally abusive and harmful, immature mothers, fathers or caregivers from Christine Ann Lawson's book "Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship" - this book uses some old and outdated language and can feel stigmatizing esp given when it was written - but it is incredibly validating for adult children.

Plus- a brief description around identifying triggers related to the new Ruby Franke documentary.

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** the first part of the video examines (*briefly) unconscious triggers and the Ruby Franke Documentary recently released - so sigs start around 8 mins!

[knitpurl]

I remember my mother heave sobbing that one by one all her children would betray her. No insight that her abuse was a betrayal to her children.

[sloene]

Mine used to say "Listen here, I am the Mother, you're ONLY the daughter here"

[DrKimSage]

Hi all:). The first 8 mins are about unconscious triggers and identifying them (an example for me from the Ruby Franke documentary) - signs begin around 8 mins in:). xo. Missed you and happy to be back!

[martinasilver]

One of my parents: ”Psychologist? I don’t need a psychologist, I have you?”

[stefvaldes]

My mother died last year and she definitely has some emotionally abusive traits that left me traumatized...I am in therapy now, trying to work through the guilt of talking about the abuse (now that she has passed) as well as guilt that I didn't do enough for her at the end of her life-I had no choice but to put her in a Home as she had late stage Altzheimers...sigh...thank you for being here, you are a beautiful soul and so very helpful ❤

[ThisisPam]

Hoo boy. I have struggled with my relationship with my mom all my life, and hearing these signs realized all of them were/are present.

[larayarrington]

I am 56 years old, and my brother and I where terrified of my mother. She was unstable and we never knew which mother was coming out of the bedroom. We hated my mother and my brother has not seen my parents in 18 years. I have suffered from depression and anxiety since my teens. It has ruined every area of my life. I am as I write this I am struggling with extreme anxiety that is affecting my work life. My mother is now very frail and has mental decline. She cries a lot over what a terrible mother she was. I spend a lot of time helping my father take care of her, but, though I have forgiven her, I still resent being the child who remained attached and she is now my responsibility, should my father pass before her. I am sure there are many people in the same position.

[DemFoam]

Struggling with being an emotionally abusive mother bc I had one. ❤ Thank you for posting.

[Therapisity]

Wow the synchronicity of this videos timing - impeccable.

[jennLove]

I never can understand why she wants to hurt me.

[ReclaimYourShame]

You said that you'd go mute and tied it with neurodivergence.
I feel I could relate to this but I label it different. I go mute because I freeze or fawn when something feels wrong. When I've constantly been unsafe to use my voice against invisible traumas deemed as "normal" in our culture, the physical ability to do so deteriorates too.
I have come to learn the term "secondary wounding" recently in my own studies/trauma workshops.... Learning this connected me to understand how "invaldiating statements" is akin to secondary wounding, and mutes me when I know something is wrong, but the group mentality affect around me can't see that yet, and often loaded with a wide variety of invalidation statements I grew up with in my foster home, where the most impactful traumas happened to me while they blameshifted to my addict bio mother. We didn't understand the concepts you teach now back then. And the effects from that era are so loaded within our systems too while we wait for this kind of information to reach mainstream.

Thank you for teaching and influencing us to talk about this all to try to understand better and filter it into mainstream a bit faster than "protocols" catch up

[lindashort]

Everything you say resonates with me. I love what you say . Thank you for helping us heal. My life has been full of all this. I'm trying so hard to heal and I appreciate all you talk about. It's a tough road and you're helping me navigate this. Your little kitty is so precious. I turn to my pets because they don't hurt me as much as the people in my life. This is why I watch you and absorb everything you have to tell us.

[stellar]

I guess my children think I was abusive and incapable. I only realised five years ago that I have Cptsd, got diagnosed with ADHD last year and I know I'm autistic for 8 months. Still waiting for an appointment to get diagnosed. My parents are both Narcissists and unfortunately my soblings have turned out Narcissists. My adult children's father is a Narcissist, as well. I believed my children to be Narcissists, because they behaved terribly towards me. My daughter is now on an evaluation for Adhd, we're not in contact but since knowing I'm autistic, I realised she is. I raised my kids totally on my own, at 21/23 years. I'm naturally struggling with physical closeness but they feel I didn’t want to hug them. Reality is- I suffer so much for not having been able to give them everything they needed. I was a single working mum, struggling with Fibromyalgia (just getting evaluated for Lupus), struggling with trauma of every type of abuse I've had to endure. I always had my children's back, but of course, I often had meltdowns and my family humiliated and degraded me for supposedly being a crazy sick Borderline.

[nellpulaski]

Missed you. Glad your back. You're one of the few places I feel validated❤

[JadedCompany]

I've tried to break the cycles and chains for my children. As much as I've tried...I struggled because I have my own problems and what I seem to have overcome...someone else causes the trauma I tried to prevent. My Partner and I clash on parenting, What I have tried to explain as toxic, he doesn't understand. I end up shutting down and not being able to finish explaining.

We all seem to have attachment issues...I'm in therapy, and I'm actively setting up therapy for my children.

I know I've cause trauma but the key points I try to make...mostly as a way to be easy on myself...I'm at least aware and actively trying to repair damage.

[sweetmoiraify]

Great idea to post about things you love ... Aswell as the trauma etc ... To even things out .

[Bamgeutcutiepie]

the censor on yt is making me so tired. I just tried to share a personal story. nothing mean. just my story. and immediately it was deleted. it takes away community and communication. will THIS even be allowed to stay up? its' so exhausting

[tbelle]

Thank you so much! Your videos have been invaluable in helping me understand a chaotic childhood. I’m so grateful to you!😎

[daisyh]

My grandma and my mother called me names and humiliated me often for being introvert and sensitive

[jennLove]

That makes want to learn more about interalizing. I have that on my list to explore with my therapist