My Parents are Malignant Narcissists

Jill wise is a narcissistic abuse survivor. Not only was she raised by a malignant narcissist; she got married to one. She is now a narcissistic abuse recovery coach based on her lived experience being raised by a narcissist. She uses her experience to help others work through narcissistic relationships, how to deal with a narcissist, how to cope with narcissistic behavior, and more.

In this video, MedCircle Host Kyle Kittleson and Jill discuss what it's like to be raised by a malignant narcissist. They cover...

The signs of a narcissistic mother or father
What financial abuse, emotional abuse, and gaslighting look when it's coming from narcissistic parents
Covert narcissism and how to tell if a parent is a covert narcissist

To learn more about how to cope with a narcissistic parent and seek treatment if necessary, join our LIVE panel featuring Jill plus our MedCircle psychiatrists and psychiatrists.
You can register for the panel here with a Free Trial to MedCircle -

Watch more mental health & psychology videos on narcissists, every personality disorder and more at MedCircle:

Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD)
Histrionic personality disorder (HPD)
Schizoid personality disorder (SPD)
Avoidant personality disorder (AVPD)
Paranoid personality disorder (PPD)
Schizotypal personality disorder (STPD)
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)
Obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)
Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
Dependent personality disorder (DPD)
Related: dissociative identity disorder (DID) formerly known as multiple personality disorder

#PersonalityDisorders #MentalHealth #MedCircle

[rebeccajohnson]

My narc father didn't come to my college graduation. He sat at home 10 minutes away and watched TV. I was a first generation grad and did it 100% on my own. When asked why he didn't come he said he just didn't think it was a big deal. Good news, I have avoided his calls for 5 years and tell myself his calls aren't a big deal.

[TheNibor]

I think it gets worse at pre-teen/teen because it’s the beginning of the child learning to think independently from the parent and having their own opinions, and trying to learn to use their voice. Narcissistic parents can’t handle their kids thinking differently from them. They see the child as either being wrong, defiant, or against them- and none of those are acceptable. Begin the rage!

[johnnyutah]

Yes their rages are like something out of an exorcism movie.

[ioannisbarrett]

I personally find it very empowering and relieving to see that so many people have been through the same abuse that I have. A big part of my narcissistic trauma was that I experienced so much loneliness, guilt and shame because I thought that what had happened to me was very unique and it had only happened to me and not to other people and that I was somehow responsible for the abuse I suffered..

[realhealing]

Excellent information. I grew up in a narcissistic family system. I was the scapegoat surrounded by narcissists. It was hell on earth!

[_AMU]

One sign is "comparing" people, children, other people spouse.... If your boyfriend starts to compare yourself with anyone, run away, it is just the start.

[BJ-szvb]

I was raised by a narcissistic mother, and it has damaged me in so many ways. When i finally realized she was a narcissist i felt relieved because i knew something was seriously wrong with her. Thank god i’m away from her now, and i can heal

[d-nise]

I’d rather be raised by wolves than to ever be raised by a malignant narcissist wish this on my own enemy.

[geofflogan]

I went through the same thing. Dad had so many triggers. Open doors, taps dripping, cold eggs, Luke warm coffee or a dirty ring around the bath. So many more. He screamed dozens of times every day, calling us pigs, animals, bastards and that he was ashamed about calling us his family. I got set up for a marriage to the same sort of woman. I walked out after twenty one years of the same humiliation. Gaslighting, abuse and a feeling of total failure. I’m now learning that this isn’t normal. It was to me. That was my life. My mum was a passive narcissistic person and wouldn’t speak to us for weeks. As a five year old that was normal. Mommy dearest and the coat hangar scene is the closest image of what happened 5 times a day for twenty years. She is right. It takes years to recover from this. Who would want anyone who isn’t normal. I’m not. This what is in my head every day.

[infjelphabasupporter]

What's it's like being raised by a malignant narcissist (My experience, I'm 14) :
- My mother dumps her problems on me since I was a baby.
-She made me dependant for a time, when I couldn't bare imagining life without her and did everything to please her.
-Made me practically raise my sister when I was 6, screamed and beat me when I did anything wrong.
-Never felt any guilt or compassion on my pain, to the point I almost committed suicide when I was 6.
-Tons of gaslighting, until you're sure your crazy.
- Takes glee on your pain.
-Will NEVER admit she's wrong.
-Separated me from my best friend for a year, until we found our way back to each other and I already knew she was crazy, so there was nothing she could do.
-When I started puberty at 12, she beat me bloody and scratched a scar onto my face as a punishment for wanting to be alone.
-Gave me depression on various times of my life, and inmersive daydreaming when I was a baby.
-Manipulated my dad into moving out to another country (using violence too)
-I'm gifted, but somehow she managed to steal my identity and convince everyone she is too, appearing on TV as a friendly, intelligent woman, spreading false claims about the community.
-Whenever someone learns about our conflicts, she'll gaslight them against me.

[rodvan-zeller]

The most important thing to understand is that narcissism is a behavior choice.
They know exactly what they are doing and they enjoy it.

[christiejones]

I started praying that my "mother" would disappear at the age of five....at the age of six, I toldl my mother that she" had a demon in her body that she need to pray to get it out" she sucker punched me across the room.... At the age of eight I attempted suicide. IT' was a childhood of pure hell and misery with this demontic creature. I could write horror book. As a adult....I turned it I love and I am blessed beyond words with the most amazing beautiful two daughters....

[griz]

I believe that the abuse increases as the natural process of individuation occurs. As you approach young adulthood you naturally separate psychologically from the parent. The neuro typical adult is able to recognize this as developmentally important. It may cause some worry, but not rage. Narcissists see people only as an extension of them selves, and take individuality as a personal threat, to be crushed. It indicates how truly weak and fragile their ego strength is, which is why they select the soft hearted and the young to victimize, and dominate.

[humanrel]

The abuse becomes more as you get older because the parent starts becoming really jealous of their own children. As a child you are easily controlled and you depend on the parent but when you get older they start viewing you as the competition and no longer a young child. They become threatened, envious, and extremely jealous of their children. I know this from experience. They teach you to tone your personality down so that they would feel more comfortable. There is no such thing as being yourself if you are the child of a narcissistic parent. Unless you scare them. Telling them things such as I will leave and never come back. Telling them I will tell everybody about who you really are behind closed doors. I will tell your friends about how mean and nasty you are. I will expose you. Stuff like that drives them crazy and makes them get very scared.

[arleneevans]

My mother is a malignant narcissist. I. Have tried leaving many times. She always finds me. She sold up and moved by me. She then with charming manipulation isolated me from friends and neighbors aided by my doting father who does anything to keep her happy. My partner was also a narcissist but leaving him was so much easier. Sometimes in a narcissistic relationship it's not that you choose to stay but you can't find a way out

[rmmn]

correct. some narcissist takes pleasure seeing someone in grief sadness. in their smile in their eyes it can be seen . evil eyes

[lesliel.]

My ex dad is a malignant narcissist, they are human in name only!

[samarahaq]

toxic parents are 100% envious of the child. they get angry when their spouse prioritizes the child's needs over theirs. we need better parents, ones who will put their children first, always. the child did not decide to be a part of your family, YOU are the one who brought them into the world and chose to take them on. hold your damn self accountable.

[TheCandisr]

For years I thought the malignant narcissist from my childhood was like this one off monster. I never realized there were so many other people that had their own monsters!

[justforfun-jpvc]

Thank you. I am the family scapegoat my mother is a malignant narc. I fled a pack of family narcissism, my mom was the most menacing. The stories I have on her are disturbing and I can’t let her know what city I live in. Growing up she convinced everyone around me that she was supportive and nurturing. She thrives off my suffering. I even changed my name for extra protection for when she has another rampage. She often seems more sociopathic. My only sibling is worse than my Mom now. I go no contact with them all, establishing that boundary took over a year. Establishing no contact even meant enduring more verbal abuse 3, 000 miles away. Physical distance and financial independence are big parts of how I made it out of their cycle.