How To Deal With Your Toxic Relatives | Mel Robbins

—

With the holidays in full swing many of you are feeling nervous about some of the relatives you'll be running into. I got a great question about how to deal with anxiety when it comes to facing certain family members and their opinions.

This is one of the topics I'll be tackling head on in my 35 day experience "Mindset Reset"

—

—
—
Follow me here:
—
—
Looking for my books on Amazon? Here they are!

[fatherleo]

How to deal with toxic relatives?

Move far, far away and never return.

[reardelt]

Family members can be the biggest impediment to your success.

[jennywinget]

I have had to distance myself from most of my family. I feel more at peace with my decision.

[JudgeJulieLit]

A "family" is meant to be a mutually supportive safe haven, not a viper pit.

[corra]

I truly believe that we are meant to live independently when we become adults . Away from family. Create your new family with like minded people. This is pure joy!

[jennboyermusic]

I love this, but would add one thing. If the toxic person you’re dealing with is abusive in any way (verbally, emotionally or physically), empathizing with them can be dangerous. If you empathize with someone like that, there is a chance it will keep you around longer and just destroy you. Sometimes it’s better to cut certain people completely out of your life - even if they’re “family”.

[reyesqueen]

Some people dont understand depression anxiety PTSD and they put u down calling u names making u feel like ur worth nothing

[MarcShareProfit]

When will people understand you do not need to interact with family. There is no law you have to interact with family. I kicked out some family members out of my life years ago. Be a wolf and not some faking sheep. Grtz from the Netherlands.

[alexandramateo]

Growing up Latina, we were raised that family comes before everything. Basically we were raised that we have to put up with our family just bc they are family . My parents and brother are very toxic, they’ve always judged me for everything! The way I dress, the friends I have, the guys I’ve dated you name it! I moved out at 19 years old and stayed as far away as possible. I’ve always tried to have a good relationship with them but they always push me away. Not to mention they LOVE DRAMA!! No matter how many times I tell them to stop coming by my house unannounced, to stop coming by my house with gossip and drama to stop criticizing me and also to stop throwing the favors they’ve done for me in my face they always disregarded my feelings saying I’m being overdramatic. So recently I decided enough is enough!! I needed to cut them off for my peace of mind for my sanity bc I don’t need negative energy in my life! I’m now 35 years old and a happily married mother of two beautiful boys and I promised my boys that no matter what they will never experience the drama I endured growing up mind you I almost committed suicide bc of them!! Let’s just say now I’m happier than ever with the family my husband and I created !!
Just bc they are your family does not mean your obligated to put up with their shit and you don’t owe them anything !! YOUR PEACE OF MIND COMES FIRST !!! They don’t feel guilty for treating you the way they do so don’t feel guilty about cutting them off sometimes it’s necessary for you to have peace happiness and tranquillity in your life .

[lindahughes]

I haven't spoken to or seen my toxic parents for the past year, my mom passed away 4 months ago, dad past away 3 wks ago. I have no guilt over not seeing them and didn't even shed a tear when I heard they passed, they had made me cry so much through the years that I felt no emotion for them sadly.

[maiaautumne]

I just don’t go, simple. If they can respect me and my feelings/opinions why should I spend my holidays with them?

[axolendzimane]

I have a toxic aunt as well. Has always been negative and thought the worst of me since I was a child until now. 2 years back and last yr she would call me and be so negative. After her calls I would feel so depressed and I still recall all those events and get filled with so much anger. When she texts me she doesn't even bother asking how I am she just wants to track my progress in life. What I am doing. That's all she cares about. I think she compares me with her children. I told her recently about her behavior and she denied everything. I have made the choice to remove her contact and stay away from her. Which will be hard coz she is my mom's sister.

[AB-ddyo]

I never understood these forced toxic holiday evenings. Growing up I loved being with my family, but my grandfather was a huuuge pain on those days for all of us. Grew up, moved away, stopped talking to him and my mother and I'm so much happier since then. I'm not gonna force myself to spend time with people that I don't like, even if they are family. Still love Christmas tho

[md]

You can't control their action but you can control your reaction, you are the boss of your life :)🖒🌹

[Mysterious_Moon]

It's more pity instead of empathy. I'm not interested in pretending to be in their shoes, when the emotional turmoil many of us experienced was from 0-18+ and these people are still unwilling to behave. I was never allowed to be myself or I was the bad person, so the less contact the better.

[alixcoba]

I became real to myself at the age of 33, I changed my friends and some bad habits. I still have some work to do, but I feel much better with me, myself, and I.:) thank you, Mel!!!

[WonderfulWorldofAwesomeness]

I can have empathy for them, and yet still not want to get sucked in by their insanity

[JustMe-obnw]

I feel physically nauseated when I have to have contact with my mother’s family - they are beyond toxic, critical, jealous, two faced people - once I had to run to the bathroom and throw up after meeting one of them after a long time. Me and my sisters spent our whole childhood, teenage and young adult life being criticized and ridiculed by them. After over 10 years of having contact with them ( I live overseas now) I had to come back to help my mom who is sick with cancer. I have lost a ton of weight and am on the best shape of my life, exercising, becoming athletic etc - one of my mother’s sisters, the youngest, who refuse to accept her age ( dresses and behaves like a teenager and she is over 60 now) jabbed at me calling me too skinny, sickly looking today. That devastated me because it brought back how she used to criticize and belittle me when I was a teenager. I tend to believe there is a place in hell for people like her, actually I believe she already lives in one ... trying to get myself back together

[AicxMedina]

Just in time... totally broke down last night of stress and anxiety 😓

[teethnclaws]

I would say, under circumstances of extreme narcissism, gaslighting, or equally unpleasant levels of emotional/psychological abuse, you are better off just cutting those ties altogether and having a healthier and happier holiday with people who are not out to emotionally harm for kicks. Narcists will never give you the empathy or emotional validation you need. But I do appreciate your advice Mel in terms of "normal" situations with unexpressed resentments or roles that create frustration and anxiety around the holidays and how to deal with those.