How to Deal with Negative Emotions - Distress Tolerance

I’ve talked about dialectical behavior therapy or DBT as the best treatment for borderline personality disorder. But modified forms of DBT can be helpful for other conditions like bipolar disorder, anxiety, eating disorders, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Today I’m going to teach you one of the many techniques that is used with DBT to be able to manage your emotions. It’s called distress tolerance. Distress tolerance is the skill of being able to accept the emotion that you’re feeling without resorting to coping behaviors that make your situation and overall condition worse.

Mindfulness video

Mindful Acceptance Template
Recognize and allow the emotion
Try to think of a more intense form of your emotion. Examples instead of sad, maybe you are distraught or crushed. Instead of mad, you are disgusted or appalled, instead of afraid you are worried, terrified or crazed

Then say I am feeling [emotion], It’s ok, I can allow myself to feel this. . I’m not bad because I have this feeling and I can allow myself to have it. I’m going to make space for it. I do not need to be afraid of it because I’m not going to [do some drastic or destructive action]. I can control myself. So I don’t need to get rid of this feeling.

Watch the Emotion:
Let me watch this [emotion] and see what it does. While I’m watching it, I’m going to call it what it is. [name the emotion(s)]. I don’t have to get caught up in it. Where do I notice the emotion in my body? I notice it in [body part]. I feel [sensation from the impact of the emotion]. But it’s just an emotion, nothing more and nothing less.

I am not my emotions. I simply watch my emotions.
My [emotion] is like an ocean wave. I’m not going struggle and fight the wave. I’m going to go with it and float with it. I may even ride the wave to shore.

Be present.
I’m going to turn my attention back to what I am doing now. First I’m going to notice what’s going on with all five senses. What can I feel or touch, what do I hear? What do I see in front of me. What do I smell? What do I taste?
or
I’m going to turn my attention to my breaths. My breath is my anchor for the present moment. I take note of how I inhale and then how I exhale.
When the emotion comes back
When the emotion returns, I say, that’s ok. That’s what emotions do, they come and they go. I’m going to watch it again. I will let it sit in the room with me. Or I may float up and down with it again like the ocean wave.

Disclaimer: All of the information on this channel is for educational purposes and not intended to be specific/personal medical advice from me to you. Watching the videos or getting answers to comments/question, does not establish a doctor-patient relationship. If you have your own doctor, perhaps these videos can help prepare you for your discussion with your doctor.

[aliciawoods]

This video made me realize how much suppressed anger built up inside in me because I feel like I was never allowed to express myself without out being criticized or judged. And in a result, my anger turned into really bad anxiety and avoidance behavior.

While the health system is failing people worldwide, dr. Marks is out to save us all! Thanks for another great video!!

[katherinelydon]

I have started doing this with anxiety. I start to feel the rise in fear, heart palpitations and I just breathe and accept it and console myself with phrases like it’s just emotion. The acceptance is the best part.

[elsagrace]

Wow, a psychiatrist that actually knows how humans work. 😍😍😍

[amandaharris]

I honestly didn't know that we AREN'T our emotions, I thought our emotions make us who we are.... thank you so much ❤❤

[DaJoAni]

Trauma deprives us of the ability to control emotions and at the same time it is emotions that protect us from trauma. A vicious circle with constant struggle.

[petyr]

1. Recognise and allow the emotion 5:10
2. Watch 6:10
3. Be present 7:04

[nikkinic]

I like that she's straight-and-to-the-point!

No intro, no music and no begging for subscribers!

I love it. ☺

[drina]

We should not try to get rid of our emotions but rather we need to process them. It's hard though because sometimes they are so strong.

[asha_vere]

Unprocessed anger being shown through anxiety and depression because they're viewed as more acceptable

Damn, that hurt my heart a little bit being called out like that 😅

[theunrulyjoyclub]

This was extremely validating. I've journaling my stressors and triggers, noting how I cope and the methods that work best for me, but something was missing. The issue was I was assigning my emotions as "fear-based", when in actuality I was just angry, very angry, but felt bad about being angry. Now I have a new approach to better manage my anger and anxiety.

[RayRay-jwei]

'But if a bear comes in and bares its teeth at me, I WILL wet my pants and run' - hahaha literally laughed out loud at this bit. Thank you so much for putting the effort in and providing these videos! They're so helpful!

[TT-fnxb]

'Oh that's a shame, but I'm happy to be alive'. You're too funny Dr Marks.

[rheaboyd]

😆 My REAL thoughts are... I HATE my boss and I wanna beat 👏🏾him 👏🏾down 👏🏾to 👏🏾the 👏🏾ground! That is so relatable!!!🤣 All kidding aside, excellent video! Thank you, Dr. Marks! 🙂

[ShadowRaven]

The first step in dealing with negative emotions is understanding that there is no such thing as "negative" emotions. There are uncomfortable emotions. There are painful emotions. But our emotions serve a purpose and when you associate emotions with being positive or negative, you immediately create a need for avoidance.

[aliceprendergast]

Finally letting go of a toxic relationship and this couldn’t have come at a more perfect time😩😩😩

[miranx]

I suffer from anxiety. I always thought it was mainly due to the fact I was sexually abused as a child, however, after listening to how my unprocessed/repressed anger can manifest as anxiety or depression this makes much more sense!

[cmargo]

We've all been told to feel our feelings, not repress them. Finally someone explains HOW to do that safely! Thank you!

[newbodytrends]

"But it's just an emotion, nothing more, nothing less" - Powerful! Once I identify the emotion, watch the emotion and locate it in my body, I then journal out what the subconscious rage is saying in my mind, especially to the other person who I think caused me the anger or upset. I write exactly what I would like to have said to this person that I feel is unjust to me (or fault-worthy or blameworthy). I may not get an opportunity to verbally express my real anger to this person so I write out an "I" statement ending with a statement of what I really needed instead (love, understanding, compassion). Then I release this emotion out of body to my Higher Power and shred my journal write-up as I don't have a reason to hang onto the emotion of that situation or event. Now I can accept that I cannot change the outcome, and begin to problem solve so I can move forward. It's amazing what ideas can present themselves when you have the clarity and confidence to not allow self-defeating behaviour and self-loathing to take over. 💖

[TheNisiu]

This is SPOT ON! I've said for the past few years that being raised in the church ruined me emotionally because EVERY SINGLE unhealthy coping mechanism I developed was due to consistently being told that expressing these emotions was something I needed to consistently fast & pray to be delivered from. Needless to say it never worked & it pissed me off when I eventually realized how much damage this kind of conditioning had done to my nervous system that has plagued my my entire adulthood. It stunts your growth and prevents you from developing mature ways to process the emotions & move on. My problem early in life was being too nice, letting people walk over me because what I was taught. Now I have anger issues I struggle to get under control from years of suppression.