How to Deal with Difficult People | Jay Johnson | TEDxLivoniaCCLibrary

[TheIsaacShin]

"Their bad behavior shouldn't be the cause of your heart-attack."
Brilliant!

[daviddailly]

You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe, and allow things to pass.

[riskybubble]

I know at least 5 ways to deal with them:

1. Never take their words personally. Always have this suspicion in mind, that they do not wish good for you, so you shouldn't trust their opinion of you.
2. Don't compete with them. It is futile and drains your energy.
3. If they attack you, stay calm, indifferent and if possible give them a sneaky compliment. The odds are they are used to people attacking them back and it takes them off guard when you see the positive things in them rather than the negative.
4. Don't become them. If they are negative, be positive. If they lie, tell the truth. If they speak behind your back, speak to their face. Always lead with example, because they might not simply have the skills to do that.
5. Do not trust them. Don't tell them personal details about your life or things they could use against you. Keep your distance and value your boundaries. Protect yourself.

[CherylMuir]

Repeat after me:

It's safe to set boundaries with difficult people.
No matter what they say or feel, I am safe.

[jeanbond]

Difficult people are okay. The tricky part is dealing with people who are allowed to bully all others, and no one will say, “No”. Those of us who aren’t managers are left to receive cruel attitudes, and take responsibility for bullies’ failures, or lose a job. It’s the norm in many organizations.

[tianahali]

“It’s your heart attack” this is very true

[krissyk]

Long story short: keep the convo brief, simple, cool, calm and level headed. Only give one word answers than a full sentence. Don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Be the bigger person and do yourself a favour and save yourself from that heartache.

Trust me when I say this it works every time. Giving them a reason to whine and complain and talk about said drama only repeats itself if you give them the time and energy to do it. When they get less of that, well, the difficulty becomes easier to manage 🙃

[fatimohd]

You can't control people's actions but you can control your reaction

[kartikvenugopal]

10:54 - The best advice - "It's much more valuable to be a friend than an enemy. If people like you, they will do business with you. If they don't like you, they will do everything in their power to usurp your success."

[benjaminwibby]

This only works if all people involved are reasonable. If one or more parties can't be reasoned with, then the problem continues. You can communicate until you're blue in the face, but if the other person isn't willing to communicate appropriately, then you've hit a brick wall.

[aishwaryachaurasia]

I swear I need this to deal with my whole family 🥺

[thomasbrigsted]

I like the way he ends the talk by giving a clear picture of "what's in it for me".
In my experience angriness/holding grudges towards other people is a double edged sword. If you think that you punish another person by showing that person hostility, you have forgotten who is carrying the angriness on the inside.

[navrozcharania]

This line is just amazing:
"Cause it's your heart attack and no one's behaviour should be a cause for your heart attack"

[danirobi]

Among other things, the most important thing I learned from this is that when our flight/fight system is activated, the way to tell your body that it isn't a real danger is to breathe. Your body knows that in real danger, you would not be able to stop and take a deep breath, so it turns it off - and basically, your brain goes back online. Why o why did I not realize this before!!!! Thank you for your talk. Great presenter, great message. :-)

[khagindratri]

don't let some one else's toxicity become your heart attack ... so very true.

[jake]

Some of the most annoying behaviors:

5/5/23 - Thought to capitalize more severe terms

NARCISSISM - When someone only cares for themself. (Someone with narcissism usually possesses at least 5-10 of the other traits mentioned below) (Added these parentheses 5/5/23)

GASLIGHTING - When someone tries to make you think you're crazy even when you have evidence. (WATCH OUT, THEY'RE TRYING TO BAIT YOU INTO AN ARGUMENT, DON'T FALL FOR IT, ESPECIALLY IF YOU KNOW THEY'LL GET CRAZY CRAZY ANGRY)

CONDESCENSION - When someone feels they're better than everyone else. (WATCH OUT, THESE PEOPLE WILL TRY TO BAIT YOU INTO ARGUMENTS USING CONDESCENSION AND TREATING YOU LIKE A BABY)

Presumptuousness - When someone "thinks" you'll be ok with something but doesn't care to ask and they make the decision anyways.

PASSIVE AGGRESSION - When someone says something to you that has an opposite meaning than what they said. (WATCH OUT, THIS CAN BE VERY SUBTLE AND HARD TO NOTICE, THEY WILL SWOOP YOU WITH THIS AND YOU WON'T REALIZE THEY WERE BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE)

VICTIMIZATION - When someone makes you out to be a bad guy and acts innocent when they're not. (WATCH OUT)

Delusion - When someone says things about you that aren't even true.

Jealousy - When someone hates you because you have a characteristic they lack.

Hypocrisy - When someone gets on to you for doing something then goes and does the same thing they got on to you about.

Pettiness - When someone gets mad at the littlest things.

JUSTIFICATION - When someone always feels "in the right" despite what they've done. (WATCH OUT, SOMEONE ALWAYS MAKING EXCUSES FOR THEIR ACTIONS IS SOMETHING TO WATCH OUT FOR)

LYING - No need to define.

Boisterousness - When someone purposely tries to get on your nerves.

Ego Stroking - When someone acts interested in you ONLY so they can get what they want in return.

GHOSTING - When they ignore you out of the blue. (WATCH THIS HAPPEN MULTIPLE TIMES, YOU'LL WONDER IF THEY'RE EVEN DOING IT, IF ANYONE WANTS AN EXAMPLE OF GHOSTING BECAUSE THE SIGNS ARE SO SUBTLE, ASK ME AS I HAVE A PERFECT EXPERIENCE EXAMPLE)

PROJECTION - When they put their negative emotions onto you. (WATCH OUT, THIS IS HOW A NARCISSIST LIKES TO DEMONIZE YOU AND PUT THINGS UPON YOU THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU AND WILL REROUTE THE CONVERSATION TO MAKE YOU THINK ITS YOUR PROBLEM IF YOU ARGUE)

SABOTAGE AND REVENGE - This is a sign of a terrible narcissist. We all should know what these terms mean, but watch out because their sabotages can be passive aggressive. (WATCH OUT WATCH OUT WATCH OUT, THIS PERSON HAS DONE WORSE THAN ANY OF THE OTHER TERMS ABOVE)

TRIANGULATION - When someone is constantly talking behind someone's back and saying this that are not true. (WATCH OUT WATCH OUT WATCH OUT, THIS IS ANOTHER ONE ON PAR WITH REVENGE, BECAUSE THEY'RE SPREADING UNTRUE INFORMATION ABOUT YOU TO PEOPLE YOU KNOW, ITS A WAY TO ISOLATE YOU) MOST COMMON SIGN (AS IT WILL OFTEN BE SUBTLE): They speak untrue bias behind others' backs.

BAITING - Someone trying to make you mad and trying to lure you into an argument. (WATCH OUT WATCH OUT, THE SIGNS CAN BE VERY SUBTLE, THEY'LL GET FAR MADDER THAN YOU ARE IF YOU COMMUNICATE WITH THEIR BAIT, THEY'RE ALSO SEEKING YOUR REACTION)

Trauma Bonding - Watch one of the experts' videos, explaining this is hard

EDIT: Adding new words I didn't have down before / Fixing errors
10/18/2021 - Added Ghosting and Projection
5/5/23 - Added Triangulation, Baiting and Sabotage/Revenge - Signs of BAD BAD BAD narcissists.

Also, thanks for the likes everyone. 😊

[_MIKIMOTO_]

Anyone else dealing with a difficult coworker

[IamKrypton]

Once dealt with difficult people in a small company and I can say that no amount of behavioral intelligence I exercised made my time lighter or gave insights to their own behavior. I basically just gave up being nice and leaving the company was the most rewarding thing I did. On my last day, I wore a shabby sleeping t-shirt and slippers, walking around the office with my head held high.

[angietorres]

I'm dealing with a difficult parent. My father is "old school" and won't listen. He is always right. Today is Easter Sunday and we didn't even talk or hug each other. My dad doesn't know how to be vulnerable and admit he's wrong. At this point, it's easier to distance myself and let him believe he is right. It's a "painful" peace. Painful, because he is alive and we don't have a relationship. I am a good person and genuinely wanted my dad but I am learning to accept that my father will never change. It's best to keep my space. My mother is always on his side. So, I can't even talk to her either. It's very surface conversations with my parents. It sucks so much but I am learning that they put themselves in that box.

[BBB-tocc]

“Because it’s your heart attack.” So powerful.