How to deal with rejection

Dig into the psychology of why rejection causes us pain, and explore strategies to cope with this common experience.

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Rejection hurts. It’s incredibly painful to feel like you’re not wanted — and we do mean painful. Researchers found that we relate rejection to being “hurt,” using terms like “crushed” or “broken-hearted.” So, why does rejection trigger such a strong response, and is there any way to cope with this unique kind of pain? Explore common strategies to help you process this emotional experience.

Directed by Caitlin McCarthy.

This video made possible in collaboration with Character Lab

A special thanks to Mark Leary who provided information and insights for the development of this video.

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Thank you so much to our patrons for your support! Without you this video would not be possible! Olivia Fu, Kari Teffeau, Cindy Lai, Rajath Durgada Manjunath, Dan Nguyen, Chin Beng Tan, Tom Boman, Karen Warner, Iryna Panasiuk, Aaron Torres, Eric Braun, Sonja Worzewski, Michael Clement, Adam Berry, Ghaith Tarawneh, Nathan Milford, Tomas Beckett, Alice Ice, Eric Berman, Kurt Paolo Sevillano, Jennifer Heald, Megulo Abebe, isolwi, Kate Sem, Ujjwal Dasu, Angel Alberici, Minh Quan Dinh, Sylvain, Terran Gimpel, Talia Sari, Katie McDowell, Allen, Mahina Knuckles, Charmaine Hanson, Thawsitt, Jezabel, Abdullah Abdulaziz, Xiao Yu, Melissa Suarez, Brian A. Dunn, Francisco Amaya, Daisuke Goto, Matt Switzler, Peng, Tzu-Hsiang, Bethany Connor, Jeremy Shimanek, Mark Byers, Avinash Amarnath, Xuebicoco and Rayo.

[whitewalker]

The worst kind of rejection is when someone gets close to you, gives you hope to be together and then reject you. This kind of behavior is beyond cruel.

[Ruby_Key]

I'm glad that they didn't only consider romantic rejections but also platonic rejection as well. Belonging within a group is as important as belonging with someone (if not more).

[cho-tio]

The most painful rejection was when they didn't tell you but made you feel it.

[AceAlbatros]

Anyone feeling rejection right now, know you’re loved and keep pushing on <3

[slavic]

not gonna lie, the comments helped more than the video

[waifuchann]

This hits hard when your classmates that you knew well suddenly ignores you after semester break.

[chimi]

Ask yourself:
1. Relationship type. Acquantaince or long term?
2. Low opinion of themselves
3. Do the other person value the relationship as you do?
Solution: Reconnect with those who value you.

[LEFTBASS]

I love that this doesn’t downplay how much rejection can hurt. Remember, accepting rejection gracefully doesn’t mean you have to pretend it doesn’t hurt. If you’re rejected romantically, it’s okay to take time away from the person who rejected you, or to even end the friendship permanently if you know you’ll never be satisfied being just friends with them.

Relationships should be based on mutual consent and benefit, and if you can’t find a solution that you’ll both be happy in, there’s nothing wrong with ending it.

[robertsvf]

To me, the worst rejection comes when you truly love someone, some group, or some job. They hold a piece of your consciousness that you cannot fully forget. When you are rejected on this level, it is more painful than simply not being recognized or accepted. I still carry pain from rejections more than 30 years ago (marriage) and 10 years ago (fired from job due to office politics).

[T-T....]

The worst rejection is the one that comes from the one you trusted the most.

[WeheartPEACE_helene]

Rejection is protection. 🙏 been rejected by crushes, jobs, scholarships. But now I can’t ask for better things with a loving partner, a flexible job and about to do my master’s with a full scholarship. Rejections really serve as a sign that some things or people aren’t meant for me and save me headaches. I’ll embrace more rejections in the rest of my life 😊

[alyshasmith]

Confident people can just brush rejection off but when you’re not confident you can’t... when you try so hard and want something so much to then get rejected is devastating, soul destroying. Constant rejection erodes any self esteem, everything . At its worst makes you want to just give up and make you suicidal 😢

[cerarobert]

I always get discriminated at college. First, I cried a lot. After that, I started caring less. It was so horrible that I isolated myself too much. Last week, when other class girl said my drawings are really good. It was the genuine compliment I got after a long time. I started crying. There are still good people out there, who would always enjoy your company. 🥰😊

[nawjoghschool]

Love you mom, for always being there at the toughest and the most painful of times, to help me heal.

[katakanta]

I've been rejected many times. Yet it's so human that I don't feel sad anymore

[LvelyEla]

It’s okay, your life does not depend on that person. If they reject you, it doesn’t mean that you have to go to your room, lock the doors, and cry for 2 hours into a pillow. You’re worth as much as that person. You are special and I’m sure you will find someone better in the future instead. You meet new people in your lifetime, you won’t always be stuck with those people or that person that rejected you. You should think about yourself first and then others, but don’t be too selfish. If you don’t think about your well-being and your mental health, you’re gonna be miserable and sad. Remember that there is over 1 million people that got rejected.

[HugeTTFan]

Falling in love is like giving that person a loaded gun and trusting them not to pull the trigger

[Simouno]

Being rejected is a blessing in disguise, because once somebody makes it clear it doesn't want you, then you can move on and search for people out there who are craving to have you bust just didn't have the chance to tell you because you were wasting your time chasing an illusion. Move on from rejection and move towards what you deserve

[liannecarbone]

It is so painful. As I get older and am single, it gets harder because indeed it is a survival instinct. I feel it! Glad someone is talking about it

[achaides]

I really love the realization that there is a difference between actual rejection, and you simply not getting the response you hoped for that may have been unreasonable to begin with