my cluster B parent died and I felt.... nothing much (2/2) [cc]

A two-part reflection on how I became indifferent to a destructive cluster B parent, examining the transformative processes children of malignant households go through between our birth into psychological chaos and our eventual departures. Names altered for anonymity.
--
0:00 recap of part one
1:55 defence
2:14 obstacles and despair
3:48 withholding information
4:40 withholding emotion
5:07 withholding contact
7:08 one-down emotions
7:33 dethroning emotions
9:24 seeing the mask
10:52 defiance
11:34 Rags
15:00 first defiant episode
16:29 sliding back to defence
16:56 second defiant episode
18:39 uncontrollable superpowers
20:16 shifting tactics
21:30 losing my religion
24:51 containing the uncontained
26:44 detachment
27:10 continuing abuse of others
29:13 projection
31:09 no more protecting the abuser
32:38 moving out into detachment?
33:18 denial
33:26 persisting in your folly
34:26 getting back in touch
36:35 years of constant games
38:25 running out of steam
38:42 the abuser’s past
40:44 wiping the slate clean
41:32 deja vu
41:53 disturbing phone call 1
43:23 disturbing phone call 2
43:57 strolling down memory bomb site
45:22 a dose of reality
46:35 reconnecting fully with the past
48:10 chaos reemerges
50:38 going no contact
51:05 sifting through the mess
51:52 detachment
--
subtitles
Russian: Sergey Savelyev
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references and reading
Perry, B.D. and Szalavitz, M. (1917) The boy who was raised as a dog — and other stories from a child psychiatrist’s notebook. Basic Books, New York.
Tolkien, J.R.R. (1954) The lord of the rings. Allen & Unwin, United Kingdom
Watts, A. (1999) Buddhism, the religion of no religion: the edited transcripts. Tuttle Publishing, Vermont.
--
music © TheraminTrees
Full original music tracks used in videos are available to patreon supporters who pledge at the $1 per video level.

[connorgibes]

You and your brother are very lucky you had each other to rely on

[MPSmaruj]

Something chilling that hit me about the "you never let me get away with my tricks" remark is that this might really be how she genuinely believed all human interaction works -- that all people are just as sociopathic as her and all positive interactions are just both parties somehow agreeing to play into each other's lies. She probably didn't consider it to be a slip of the mask, because she believed everyone else does the same. It's moment like this that I realise we don't need to look to stars to find truly alien life...

[robsquared]

I feel like therapists can come from abusive pasts in the same way athiests can come from abusive religions. A big part of being able to move past things is to understand them.

[petergarayt]

Birth, the worst lottery ever conceived.

[rolandguiscard]

My mother also killed my dog. Albeit more deliberately, she threw him off a porch where he fell to his death. She blamed me, for not training him not to bark.

To this day I remain furious at her, and am not on speaking terms.

Your mom sounds a lot like my mom. And all I wish is that neither of them could hurt me or anyone else ever again.

[sometenrandom]

You were such happy children... Ugh. I remember being told by so many people "You used to have the biggest smile in the world and be so happy!"
When everyday life is rough just running into a normal person can seem like an Oasis. Of course a child dying of dehydration would be grinning ear to ear at encountering the most mundane creek of water. Don't need to be a saint or a superstar comedian to leave an impression on a child.

[loriwilde]

You've described my exact childhood. Except our "Rags" was my younger brother and she basked in the sympathy she got for killing him for a decade. Thank you for making this video.

[gorefieldluvr]

I personally grew up with the kindest most supportive parents, but videos like these help me so much in understanding those close to me, who struggled during their childhoods because of poor parenting. It is just heart breaking. What kind of monster is annoyed by children laughing?!

[sailorenthusiast]

It strikes me just how unusually common it is for abusive people to commit animal abuse, and/or to weaponize pet death as a means of harming their target victims before belittling their grief and pain.

[rycheesoda]

theramintrees addressing the "I can fix her!" habit is so based

I went thru the same realization when I acknowledged how much I tolerated my mother's abuse hoping that one day she'd see things for herself.

that never happened.
she only buried her head deeper into the sand.

[vincentninja]

"oops" is just a psycho's boundary testing that shouldn't be tolerated or go unpunished. They wanna see what they can get away with.

[bpdlr]

Hearing about the incident with your puppy sent chills down my spine... my mother was always complaining about how our puppy pulled on the lead. According to her, the dog would yank on the lead so hard that she had to get treatment for a dislocated shoulder. Then one day while I was away at school abroad, I got a letter saying that the dog had died. According to my mother, it had yanked so hard on the lead that it had slipped her grasp, and the dog had run onto the road and been run over. I now wonder whether this was a true story or just another fabrication.

[niemand]

It took me years to realize how my father was in charge of his personal theater and we all were just puppets he manipulated. He also created false hatred between people when in fact he was the one to be hated and shunned. He created artificial conflicts to appear as a savior. I now see him for who and what he is. It is as if my past is all fake. Being an adult now with nothing to be nostalgic about. Just glad to be here and now.

[foulstide]

rare new theramintrees (seriously though this channel has been amazing in helping me navigate my own feelings towards religion— it’s truly a gift to have discovered this channel & every new upload feels like christmas ;D)

[brandonthesteele]

25:44 "if she was water, I'd have to give a dam"

I see what you did there

[expressionamidstcacophony]

A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

[drfranklive]

TheraminTrees, I... I can't express my gratitude in words accurately for all these videos you've made.

In ~2021, The first I saw was "Grooming Minds | The Abuse of Child Indoctrination". At the time, I was Christian, and thought I had a "pretty normal" upbringing. I had it randomly recommended to me, and i watched it very skeptically.

I was.. not prepared for it. It forced me to rethink everything, my whole religious upbringing. I watched more of your videos.

I had a breakthrough: "man... the god I worshipped seems like a narcissistic child, huh?
...
wait...
why does that sound familiar?"

...
and not two weeks later did i realize "Oh.... my mother is, too."

Suddenly it all made sense, though, it took time to accept it.

I was not able see the abuse, religious or parental, prior to you prompting me to think. I didn't know there was any other way! Deep down I knew, even back then, that something was wrong with her, yet I always blamed myself. However, seeing you so intricately deconstruct her patterns and traps in the videos about childhood abuse and living with abusers? It wasn't just familiar, it was borderline **identical** patterns.

"People who don't want you to think, are __never__ your friend" became my new guiding principle in that time of turbulence. Your videos helped me understand I wasn't alone, wasn't crazy, and it wasn't my fault. My fault or not, only I could save myself. So, I did. In april of 2022 I left her home and went no-contact. That was the best thing I've ever done for myself.

I failed, a lot. I learned, I grew. It was hard as hell. It was *all* worth it.

It's... so interesting, being here now, freshly 21 years old. I'm a completely different person, for the better. I rediscovered my artistic passion, speak to myself as kindly as I do others, cured my chronic headaches (caused by stress), feel a sense of respect for myself that allows me to set *real* boundaries for the first time ever.... it's.. it is incredible.

I believe I'm at the final detachment stage. I feel indifferent to her. I'm no longer even upset, and I no longer ruminate about what happened back then.

And, for the first time ever... this video doesn't feel like a reality shattering revalation. It feels like.. a finale? A conclusion? A recap, of the long road to recover.

I've... ....I've healed. I made it? ...I survived. Now, I can finally begin to ***live***


Thank you, for everything, if you're reading this. And, to anyone else who made it this far? *_I'm proud of you._* You survived something many do not. I hope, perhaps, you might get something out of my rambling story. <3

[alibit]

let me take a moment to appreciate the 3D art on display here. i love the use of symbols and visual storytelling on the levels of professional productions. and the consistent art style. it was worth the wait !

[ElodieHiras]

2:15 "complete invulnerability, the kind you only saw with people who wore their underwear on the outside!" I am so stealing that one.

[zawarshahnigmachangeling]

I had been experiencing severe religious abuse from my parents for years, and with me being married now it has become much worse. I confided in my dear friend (who is an athiest) and I told him I never liked athiest content because I always felt it talked down to me as a man of faith. He recommended your part one of this video, telling me my situation reminded him of me, and then I kept watching more. I admire your ability to be....direct and compassionate. I never get the vibe you hate the religious, just that you want them to be enlightened.

I had been patiently waiting for this second part, it is wonderful seeing how you managed to survive and surpass your imposter mothers abuse. 😊