My BPD Mother's Monstrous Episodes | LIZ

Liz discusses Borderline Personality Disorder from the viewpoint of a daughter who has a mother with the Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) diagnosis.

[Delphi]

My mom raged all day and night for my entire childhood. She would go for hours and hours until her voice was hoarse. She'd get this crazed look in her eyes, she almost seemed possessed. Once my Dad moved out, she took out her rage on us kids - and would creep into my room....it'd start with angry ranting and the escalate into screaming all night, until I had school in the morning. Sometimes she'd slam doors over and over - until chips of paint were falling on the floor. The phones she'd slam over and over too. One time I begged her to stop - I wanted to have a friend over (I had no one over) and she said she couldn't stop - I said "why?" She said "because it's the only thing that makes me feel good." However let it be known - she could stop. When someone came to the door, if the phone rang and it was for her she could turn off her rage like a light-switch and be as pleasant as pie. She just chose to take out her venom on us kids.

[lezbeehonest]

Yeah. The middle of the night rants were the worst. Especially as an only child with a single mother. Going from sleep to her screaming. After about 10 minutes of ranting, she's done and she goes back out, slams the door. Five minutes later, she's back, she apologizes, she leaves, closing the door softly and apologetically. Twenty minutes later, she storms back in, _actually_ no! I _was_ being horrible and manipulative to her and she rescinds her apology. This back and forth constantly. No sleep. No stability. No clue whether I was being a good daughter or treating her horribly. I am still learning how to find my footing to this day.

[eleonorelettres]

My mother was the same. Also - becoming perfectly 'normal' in 5mn, with no memory of her melt-down

[lezbeehonest]

Reading these comments makes me feel like I'm not alone. Like I'm not the only one who gasps as the air pressure in the house changes from a door opening.

[lezbeehonest]

Something about not ever being physically beaten, but also always seeing new heights to your parent's rage, so it's always a possibility...

[DrJessie]

I’m an only child who at 50 just got out of a very abusive marriage all while my Dad got very sick, my BPD Mom raged at me screaming “YOU HAD BETTER STAY CLOSE!!!” but of course doesn’t remember screaming that, made it a WAR for me to secure anything for her and my Dad who now had dementia..so I literally up and left my abusive husband and went to another country. Came back, packed my whole marital house, moved to another state, sold whatever I had to survive (my ex bankrupted me) and LEFT. Now my Mom is raging at me because I don’t come to visit, I am bad, I abandoned her etc etc etc. Still bullies me, insults me, but tries to control me by dangling the “I’ll write you out of the will and go into assisted living so then you’ll see what you have.” My response: BURN IT ALL. And hung up. By the way, I’m a clinical psychologist who specializes in trauma recovery for abused victims. Lol. But it’s always different when you’re in it and not the client. Peace to all who deal with this dreadful personality disorder in a parent. Sadly there will be true peace when they pass, but recovery for us. It was never our fault.

[xsmh]

My mother was exactly like that. It would go on for hours. I did not know anyone else whose mother was like that. I got the brunt of it because I was the oldest. Sometimes she woke me in the middle of the night to scream at me. I don’t know how I ever got through those years.

[MizSalvador]

I’ve blocked out a lot of my childhood, but I remember the feeling of the house - was my mom angry or happy today?
- can we make noise or will she get mad
Like walking on eggshells at times. I protected my siblings from a lot until I left the house.
The crap we had to deal with, just remembering makes my chest tight. No contact since 2012

[starlight-xtpo]

I would just freeze. I would sit with a blank expression, no eye contact, no movement. She also created super scary scenarios about the outside world, making it impossible to visit friends or even sit outside. I was extremely isolated, I felt like I wasn't allowed to participate in regular life. I'm 40 now and I still deal with the ramifications, I learned almost no social skills or coping skills. My mother still rages at me, for not calling, visiting, blah blah never ends I try to never see her. What a waste of my young life.

[livkoopai]

ugh this was my mum too. its awful. to this day I still hear the creaking of the stairs as she would come up them before she would open the door and start going off on one.. then slam it, then open it to spit some more craziness then close it. then go downstairs... then 2 minutes later come back up to add something else. my tactic was to ignore her, just pretend she wasn't there as she ranted but it didn't work sometimes as she would start to throw things to get me to react.

[tomj]

And when a BPD mother destroys & betrays her relationship with her husband, her children, and you don’t see the husband’s family for decades, and you break up with your college sweetheart because you’re not capable of trusting women, then what do you do? How can you recover from a ruined life?

[mustardseed]

My mother was like this. I endured silent treatment for 2 weeks, then she would talk to me, the blow up in rage, accuse me of doing things I never did and stop talking to me again for 2 weeks. I'm an only child. It was so isolating. My dad never helped me. I felt so unloved. Once in her rage she chased me with knives. I'm now no contact with her but she calls me constantly and shows up at my house.

[bchbuni]

This perfectly explains how my Mother acted. Living in a warzone is horrific. It seems that you turned out rational and calm, you deserve some peace.

[Em-imyz]

I relate the full on screaming fits then pretending like it never happened and " not remembering"

[michellepowell]

Being raised by a BPD mother is horrible.

[ashlysinfoandmusic]

My brother and I agree, we’re both lucky our narcissistic borderline mother didn’t kill us when we were kids.

[JuniperLynn]

I get intense flash backs hearing her story. It’s like my brain tries to block these things out. These details she describes are so real.

[yeayeaof]

This made me cry..because you told my story. Sadly I still as an adult have my mother break me down to little pieces...Im trapped and I have a growing panic feeling my body...I live with the anxiety of her always affecting my life and my days..With her rage episodes, narcissism, suicide threats...I never get peace and free will to live my life...I "need" to live by her needs..I dont matter...

[littlesongbird]

Omg! Yes, my mom too. She once flew into a rage and cut off of all my hair and then made me sit in a chair so she could stand there for an hour and tell me over and over again what a horrible person I was. She would get pissed off at such minor things or would even accuse me or my sister of things we didn't do.

[miguelooch]

I come from a similar parent and will never forgive her. I'll never go back to my home. This has affected everything in my life, especially relationships.