What Is Splitting In Borderline Personality Disorder

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You've heard of borderline personality disorder, but have you heard of splitting? Dr. Ramani walks us through some examples of splitting, what it means for those with BPD - and what it means for their loved ones.

Dr. Ramani answers:
How does someone act when they're splitting?
What are the main tendencies someone has when they're splitting?
What causes splitting?
As a partner or caregiver of someone with borderline personality disorder, how can I recognize splitting?
How does a "good" therapist react to a patient who is splitting?
What is the key part of therapy when it comes to helping someone with BPD who has the tendency to split?
Can someone who does NOT have borderline personality disorder split?
What are your tips for someone who is splitting?
If I'm in a relationship with someone who is splitting, what should I do?

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#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #MedCircle #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #psychology #splitting

[kris]

I don't split between good person - bad person (I do have bad thoughts and maybe I do become a bad person but all I can do is ride it out and not make any serious decisions during this period). I do split between "They're on my side and care." and "They think I'm an awful person and don't care... and they hope the worst for me."
Edit: I have been diagnosed Schizoaffective Bipolar. Similar symptoms I guess. I hope nothing but the best for you all.

[trashacc]

-experiences bpd symptoms
-watches this instead of seeking help

[afifahzulkefli]

As someone with BPD, I split on myself more than I do with other people. It’s just ‘easier’ to internalize the pain and suffer in silence as opposed to tell someone they just hurt my feelings or make me feel sad. I don’t want people to think of me as too much, too sensitive or easily triggered.

[jade]

Just my take, whenever I split, I tend to internalize it instead of outwardly acting out because I’m super empathetic n don’t wanna hurt the other person. But that anger has to go somewhere so I attack myself instead of them, “why am I so emotional?” “They’re busy why are you so clingy?” “They hate me I should just die”. I tend to impulsively block and isolate myself and make myself even more depressed. I’m trying to get better and not let myself be consumed by my emotions, that rational side is still in me, it just gets overshadowed by this angry demon that plaques my thoughts. I’m in therapy and on anti depressants now but I dunno what to do going forward, , , any advice?

Edit: my anti depressants for some reason make me more angry than sad so I’m starting to lash out more at my family n friends…I think I’m gonna change meds but honestly this shit is so exhausting, it doesn’t even seem worth it :/

edit: hey guys. for the first time in almost a year and a half my symptoms are finally starting to get better. things are still hard for me don’t get me wrong, but the clouds are finally parting. I’ve got a small but close friend group and am dating again, I don’t abuse drugs anymore, I’m starting to pay off my debt and i’m going back to school next month after being forced to take a year off for mental health rzns n bad grades. My psychosis has pretty much vanished too. It’s not sunshine and rainbows at all things are still hard, but I have control over my life for the first time in a while 💗 shoutout to my parents n bestie parker 🫶🏻

maybe final edit: Hi guys! I wasn't expecting so many people to want an update even years later. Thank you random internet strangers for keeping lil ol me in your thoughts. It means a lot to me. First, for everyone recommending DBT, a few years ago I went into outpatient treatment for osfed, a type of ed. Turns out when you are actively sh it makes treatment difficult, duh. ( shoutout to center for discovery). Anyways, the treatment I got there was super helpful for my bpd and ed recovery, the two felt very intertwined somehow. We mostly did DBT, CBT, and group therapy. I was there for about?? 8 weeks??. I'm on new meds, sertraline and slow release methylphenidate. for anyone curious my previous meds were wellbutrin. the only negative side effects with my new meds have been difficulty sleeping and low appetite, but🍃helps with both so it evens out. That's just my experience tho, everyone's experience with meds are going to be different.

I'm going to regular DBT therapy now along with my shrink every once in a while. I'm still working on my mental health but overall I'm doing a lot better than I was when I was 20. Feels so weird looking back at this post it's like a time capsule about how awful things used to be. Rn my main stressors are trying to find a steady job and finishing school, I changed my major like three times but I'm thinking about settling on zoology, I want to work/rehab exotics, mostly snakes cuz I'm Floridian iykyk. Things could be better but things are looking up, not to be corny but things really do get better, and they will for you too.

[Momo]

Hollaring at my BPD peeps! sending u my love and support from a fellow BPD.

[misterdeplorable]

THE FIRST DR. I HAVE EVER HEARD GET BORDERLINE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT FROM BEGINNING TO END . I WISH I WOULD HAVE FOUND HER TEN YEARS AGO .

[alliemorris]

My husband who experienced SEVERE childhood trauma does this and I didn’t realize it until I watched this video. It was a serious breakthrough moment for me to not blame myself when he is experiencing an episode of splitting. I explained to him what I think he is doing and why. he truly realized that this is what was happening to him and now we can work on it.
THANK YOU!

[ezrazvezda]

I’ve recently gotten diagnosed w BPD and I feel like I experience splitting internally. I do experience the splitting where it’s “I love you/ I hate you” but a lot of the time I go from “this person cares about me and wants me in their life” to “this person hates me and literally wants me dead” over the smallest thing like a cabinet door closing too hard. When i split that way I don’t necessarily think that person is an overall bad person, but instead I project myself. This also causes me to self isolate instead of lashing out, which I still know can be frustrating and toxic, but I just want to share that BPD isn’t always yelling and punching during bad moods.

[dididisun]

She is the best psychologist ever I came across. Wow, she truly knows what shes is talking about

[MsRangoTango]

I haven’t slept all night because I discovered BPD. I’m binging every video and I identify with all the symptoms but what really got me was when she mentioned that splitting is often caused by childhood trauma and is practiced later in life because it was a survival mechanism at that time. When I tell you EVERYTHING makes sense now...

[bellab]

Speaking from personal experience, when we put someone on a “pedestal” and view them as the best because of A, B, and C traits, then when they do something to disappoint us it shatters our reality because we didn’t think they were *capable* of doing that thing. Thus it feels like we’ve been fooled and lied to this whole time. How would you feel if you lived your entire life thinking the world is blue but then suddenly find out it’s purple? It’s because of this dichotomy that we immediately feel betrayed, and because we’ve been betrayed, this person becomes “trash” or the worst person in our mind.

[katyuwusha]

Please don't say that people that know they are splitting wouldn't be doing it. One of the most painful things my BPD comes with is an extreme amount of self-reflection and the ability to find solutions BUT no ability whatsoever to actively change it. Splitting is one good example. When I split I am fully aware of the fact that I am splitting but I can't do more than watching myself do and say awful stuff (to myself, I don't split on others) without being able to stop myself.

[pluvio]

"If you're someone's partner you're not their therapist". My mom lost 30 years thinking opposite. 😞

[charityhester]

Him saying grow up a little bit was such a jerk thing to say!

[Harry-qwjv]

I thought I split until I had therapy. There I realised that because I have had mainly relationships with narcissists, I have rampant self doubt about my perceptions, and so the inconsistencies in their behaviours (from friendly love bombing to abusive raging) were leading me to gaslight myself EVERY time the narcissistic people in my life became nasty after a period of calm, or really nice after a period of vicious abuse. I started to convince myself, gaslighting myself, that I split because I was finding that at the times the narcissistic people around me were pleasant to be with I doubted myself they are ever abusive and at times they are abusive I would feel like I'd just been conned. I wanted to say this because I didn't want anyone who is also experiencing this to mistakenly think they are splitting if they are not. Abuse amnesia and gaslighting can cause a genuine 'forgetting' temporarily of the abusive times in a narcissistic relationship apparently, it is a sort of way to resolve cognitive dissonance I think, and of course if you're often told you've imagined the abuse you also tend to find it hard to contradict your own abuse amnesia even if you're really confused by something and cannot quite get it clear in your head yet

[mmc]

This series is fast becoming a life saver. How my ex could say I was an emotional abuser and dump me but then come back and say I was the best thing in his life and that I helped with his depression. Thank you. Xox

[elizabethrodgers]

I grew up with a mother with BPD. I felt like I never knew where I stood. It was quite challenging.

[childofearthandstarryheave]

I know when I'm splitting and I rationalize the shit out of it, but it still effects me emotionally deeply.
I don't want to look at that person, don't want to talk to them, don't want them to touch me. It takes distance and time as well as effort on my and their part.

[lindadlamini]

When my ex girlfriend broke up with me last year she mentioned that I acted like I liked her and then sometimes I acted like someone who doesn't like her at all. Looking back now, I can absolutely understand why she felt that way and that I was probably splitting.

[LizzyCeeMarie]

The end of this video is what got me for sure. If it's something that I constantly say is "I'm tired of being a punching bag" when thinking of my sister who has BPD. The amount of mental trauma I have endured due to her viciousness has left me to create boundaries that has resulted into a no contact relationship after I gave it my all.