Don't ask narcissists 'why?'... DO THIS INSTEAD

ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"

JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM

JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK

GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS

SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST

LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[velvetgardenia]

Omg narcissists are SO combative- everything is a debate and a guaranteed OVEREACTION. They are exhausting.

[louiseventer]

After 5 months of no contact, I was ambushed at the store. Said he needed to talk to me, my response: "There is nothing to discuss, you cheated on me, chose someone you considered better and blamed it all on me. I don't care what your reasons were and I don't care what is happening in your life right now." Turned around and walked away, first time in 4 years I saw him speechless. Seeing him after such a long time, it was shocking how pathetic this man is. How did I ever see him as the person I wanted to spend my life with?? Thank you for your videos❤🌹

[VeryAnnaBerry]

I have to conclude there's really no such thing as a "relationship" with a narcissist. It takes two to tango and the other person won't dance.

[Mark-dbok]

Arguing with narcs seems like a much more traumatic and frustrating version of arguing with the "I know you are but what am I?" kid in childhood.
They deflect, blame you, start confusing the issue, throw other random attacks at you, and say a bunch of illogical annoying things trying to make you into the villain.

They have an endless armory of "I know you are but what am I?? "

[Ifanythingeverhappenstome]

I hate how exhausting they are. Like having to deal with a ‘forever toddler’ who always needs a nap, a diaper change and a juice box after a tantrum. I hate it here

[realhet]

Level 1: Never ask a question that starts with "why?"!
Level 2: Never ask a question!

[ravenel]

I learned early on that going after a narcissist to get them to explain their behavior just keeps you in the game. Once you know, you go. You don’t go running after them crying or angry about what they did, because it’s a one-up thing. Eventually you just learn to love yourself, figure out that this isn’t normal, and go.

[judybw]

Six years post narcissistic relationship and I still ask myself why. Why did I allow myself to be treated so badly?

[alsam]

I once asked my ex, “Why do you always lie to me?”
He answered, “Because when I tell you the truth you get hysterical. I have to lie because you’re crazy “ 😂Sometimes they answer.

[realhealing]

You have to be accountable for your actions to answer a why question. Narcissists hate accountability.

[czeketa]

Finally!! an NPD coach who realizes that much of this audience cannot simply "leave and go no contact". Thank you for offering such helpful survival strategy, Doctor. More of that please 👏

[MT-ijkd]

I wish I had known this 30 years ago. I didn't understand why my husband always overreacted to the simplest of things. He treated me as if I was invisible shortly after we were married and I really thought there was something wrong with me! I've learned so so much from Dr Ramani and others that I subscribe to. I now gray rock and do anything and everything that makes (me) happy. And it's true "he's confused" bc I used to give him all of my attention and excuse his meanness for the sake of getting along. That girl is no longer!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

[youngblood]

Half of life is lost pleasing others. The other half is lost in going through anxieties caused by others.

[bobspamail]

It’s like asking a child why they did something - they don’t know.

[julissahernandez]

This is a great video! My biggest problem with a narcissistic is that he can engage and be asked/told all kinds of questions just like these BY TOTAL STRANGERS! He can be sweet and charismatic to absolute strangers and he can be told to jump off a bridge, and he'd do it, he's so willing to help without being asked, everything I fight him on, a complete stranger can do and say the EXACT SAME THING to him and it's ok, when I even attempt to do the same thing, or a family member does it, we get disastrous results!

[my_humble_opinion]

I just returned from vacation with my narcissistic sister…the whole trip felt like I was walking on eggshells…periods of cold, silent treatment, one word answers when trying to create conversation…wracking my brain trying to figure out what I said or did. This video is true….”why” is the invitation to gaslight and negate you. I’ve always suspected that my sister has learned (or inherited) my mother’s behavior…this week confirmed it. As soon as you ask “why”, it’s an invitation for a huge argument. I had to Grey rock and pretend the whole week to navigate her behavior. I paid for a tank of gas, some meals and drinks, and even paid for most of the lodging. I want a relationship with my sister but going forward, it won’t be a close, loving relationship…she’s not capable and my mother through years of triangulation and putting her children against each other…has destroyed our family. Narcissists and toxic people destroy everything they touch. Learning to recognize and navigate their personalities is a very important life skill…

[annekenney]

They don't want to be told what to do, but they will steal your idea on what to do later as their own.

[Stephen_A.]

The narcissistic person hates to be asked a "why" question because they feel that they are the only ones who can ask the "why' questions. 😞

[Vraxx]

This video was a big revelation. I am definitely a “why” person. It’s my go to question. Because I really want to understand how others think and feel or just how things work. My ex wife must’ve hated that. I’d mostly get the silent treatment or an exasperated “I don’t know!” I now have an answer, 2 years after divorce. Thanks Dr. Ramani.

[MG-otyr]

Totally agree, never ask "why" questions, you're just going to get a word salad filled with denials. I've found a better tactic is to ask simple clarifying questions with yes or no answers, important to not sound accusing, and this often reveals their motivations, then you can roll with it and have the upper hand.