How Narcissists Bait You and How To Stay Unhooked

It's no secret that narcissists will use all sorts of tactics to draw you into their unhealthy snares, then they will turn around and say: "See, you've handled things poorly again!" Dr. Les Carter describes how narcissists take delight in bringing out your less-than-healthy reactions, then rationalizing why they have to be the one in charge. It's their game of bait and hook. With awareness of their tactics and of your better alternatives, you can learn not to take the bait, and to stay unhooked from their manipulation.

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, Tx. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[echase]

1. One of the most important things is to ‘lose the ego’. lose the need to be right. Once you can do this, they can’t hook into things like pride, shame or embarrassment in order to manipulate us. 2. We must also give up the idea that their opinion actually matters. (!) You don’t have to say it outright. Just know it inside you.

[chelleb]

They like to watch you carefully and when you are projecting self confidence or contentment then, almost like a cat, they pounce with a question or statement that is either openly or just on the edge of insulting. They love to make you feel off balanced and try to make you respond in defense. They are almost always on the offensive, especially when they feel insecure (which is a lot). But they do it in a way that makes them appear totally innocent and makes you look like you are victimizing them.

[Peecup]

If their mouth is open and sound is coming out, your about to be confused and abused.

[michaelclark]

Every time I was just in a good mood the narcissist saw it as a chance to shame me in some way.

[ravenel]

The game changed when I understood that he was TRYING to trigger me.

[JB-relx]

They don’t really make friends, they take prisoners. After being made a special ‘friend’, I finally realised I’d been duped into supplying constant fuel, and escaped by going no contact. Such a relief to be free again. Thank you Dr Carter 🙏

[funlovinbloke]

Examples: they keep asking questions, they show interest pure to gain information. They give you the feeling that you matter. They don't tell the truth about themselves. It is all a cover up to pull you into a relationship, friendship, business proposal etc. Don't fall fot it please. Stay away from narcissists.

[bss]

I finally gave myself permission to feel superior and cold hearted in return. I no longer apologize. I just have to be certain to turn it off with normal people.

[cymbolichuman]

I went through years of reacting so stupidly for years and it
finally dawned on me that I was making myself look like a stupid
fool, cryin' and pleading... One day I realized I had to stop being
manipulated and come to my senses. These comments help too.

[claudiagreer]

My so-called "friend" loved to point out my defects and vulnerabilities. If I pushed back, she would double down with the criticism. So I learned to just take it. Finally, when I was diagnosed with Parkinson's, she started to put my medical symptoms in my face as if they were personal shortcomings. That's when I realized it was time to get out. I am fortunate to have a husband, family, and friends who are truly supportive, and so letting go of this false "friend" has been a relief.

[jayjo]

They are emotional vampires
There is no reasoning with them

Thank you Dr C & have a great day

[eurokay]

To bait you, keep you "hooked" and in their game, narcissists will:

1. Blame and accuse you of thing you didn't do or say;
2. Character attacks - "nobody believes you"
3. Insulting, condescending comments;
4. Asking loaded questions of you;
5. Future-faking, promising future benefit;
6. Shunning, punishing withdrawal;
7. Gaslighting (lying to you about past events)

To avoide taking the bait:
1. Realize they all do it; predictable pattern;
2. Recognize you will not be the one to break their predictable pattern;
3. Tune into your own thoughts and feelings instead of reacting;
4. ?! (got interrupted)
5. Be the adult, recognize their tactics, and just pass on taking the bait

[traceymateer]

Be the Adult. That's it for me. I'm sick of his ridiculous behavior and the equally ridiculous way I'm responding to it. Be the Adult. Absolutely....

[anesasosevic]

When narcissists bait me, I deny them "drama" which they expect from me, because they are "drama-eager". I refuse to be their "fuel" and "food" for their fragile ego. The key "weapon" in struggle with them is peace in our mind and soul, so as a result, we will not react on their provocations. Dr. Carter, thanks for this video lesson!

[cherylduckworth]

One of the "gotcha" games is when they push you to your limit and you finally blow your lid, but normally your not like that and feel just horrible about your out burst. So what do you do? Maybe what I did. I over apologized and felt really bad for a period of time and felt I could not be sorry enough because I care. "GOTCHA"! Now I have made myself his underling; willing to do anything to bring back the goodwill before I erupted. Here's what I learned. Don't let them push you to blow up. It will hurt you worse in the long run. It will be the beginning of the end at that point. Instead, follow all the good advice you get here. There is a lot of ways to deflect a Narc, mine is no longer engage. They are too much for me.

[grantaugustyniak]

I can spot a bait so fast now - I can now shut them down in my sleep 😂

[elizabethblane]

They use "induced conversation", asking questions to make you think that they are really interested in you. Once you start talking, they sink their hooks into you and start raging.

[bpassionfashion]

This is so accurate ! This is exactly the place I have grown myself to be . After many years, I have learned not to answer them; not to argue with them. This takes for you to pull strength out of your core. It takes the awareness that your mind and their minds function differently. They are undeveloped children. You are the adult.

[susanquilter]

You have just described my late mother, In a nutshell we got together as adults after some years apart. She went into her “why did I send you to college, you’re not doing anything…I told her about all my accomplishments in our town and schools…not good enough. More wine poured, I am still a useless person. Then a Mensa person called to remind her about a luncheon the next day. Hungover, and feeling like the dumbest person on the bus I sat across from my mother on the way to the lunch in SF. We arrived to the group of about 20+ people, casual. They were so welcoming. I spoke with almost every one of them and they treated me like I was the most fascinating person in the room! We all laughed and told stories back and forth. Mom sat at the table and spoke with almost nobody. I learned a lot about her that day, and never took her assessment of me seriously ever again

[tallguy]

After being raised by narcissistic parents and being around this for 50 years, until I said enough, it takes a lot of self reflection. I know I’ve picked up bad behaviors along the way. I can be critical of their behavior, but I need to be certain not to behave the way I was taught. I don’t ever wanna treat others the way I’ve been treated.