Why don't narcissists answer THE question?

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[JohnSmith-bmzg]

Narcissists will never answer why. But they will ask you why for everything.

[StillAwakeAwareDiscerning]

You said it so clearly. They are shifty and grifty. Because on some deep level, they do have some awareness that they are behaving badly, they are always shifting and ducking accountability. Add to this that they don't want to admit wrong, they gaslight you that there isn't a problem. Or that you are the problem. They are like a child with ice cream all over their face exclaiming that they didn't eat any ice cream. All of this is draining, distracting, and makes one the adult dealing with a toddler. Run from these people. They don't love you. They don't care about you. And they never, ever change.

[janemarinelli]

Never ever answers a direct question but asks questions to the point of interrogation

[koenraad]

Congratulation to all who were able to ditch a narcissist, and got back to normal and happiness.

[MM-gkof]

This is what I experience with my husband. I tell myself, “Don’t ask him anything.” Also, I tell myself, “Don’t tell or share anything because he doesn’t care.” This is a sad testimony for a close to 50 year marriage. I am grateful to have found Dr. Ramani and learned so much. Thankful 😌

[alsam]

I can’t even count the number of times a day I said “Answer the question that I asked you. “

[macoeur]

Yes! They very cleverly evade the question for just long enough that you have to keep repeating it, which then gives them an "excuse" to paint you as "the difficult one". Story of my life.

[solomonyunatanov]

Very very True ! They Never Ever Answer Real Important Questions in a Relationship!

[kkryz]

Yes. Deflection, stonewalling, projection, and/or a hurtful answer.

[nancydrew]

Another tactic is they mumble the answer, can’t understand them so you ask them again. They again mumble the answer,
Until you finally give up. Plus not looking at you. They continue to look at the paper or TV in a dismissive fashion. The message is that what your asking is not important.

[Grassmonster]

The other one is when they ask you about something, talk over you while you are trying to answer then tell you to finish answering them. Often this sequence would get repeated multiple times. I got to the stage where I told him that there would be a "three attempt rule" and if, after three tries at answering I was still being interrupted, the conversation was over, no matter how important the information that he needed from me was. I stuck to it - on the 3rd go, I'd walk away.

[sadetiriana]

This makes my stomach turn. The number of times I went through this in my marriage, was "maddening"

[kathryncainmadsen]

My father told me once, if you are in a situation where you are having conflict and both of you want to solve the problem, then that's good. If one or both of you wants to win, you have a problem and the person who needs the most will be the loser. If we need the answer, we lose. If we need them to be someone who will answer, we lose. If we need them to be our kind parent, we lose. I am learning to ask myself, what do I need from them? Am I ever going to get it? Well, if that person is a narcissist, probably not. So it's time to leave that person behind.

[breathebefree]

"Ultimately, most of their psychological resource goes into impression management" - yes!

[flashlim]

I actually did receive a reply from my narcissistic parent when I confronted continuously and wouldn’t take anything other than a complete sentence as a reply. However, the answer destroyed me and I felt betrayed. My life felt like a total lie. The reply? Word-for-word: “It’s your fault I acted unfairly. You are easy to manipulate and fool.”

It is true the narcissist will never understand the weight of the emotional load they place on others.

[LiLyzWrld]

They don’t just shift blame but they provoke and insult you, they bring up things from your past and twist it to their benefit in order to make you feel crazy. The narcissist I live with loves to say things they know will make me upset and especially angry - they love the anger. Making me angry helps them justify their behaviour because they vilify me with my emotional reactions. When I used to react to it, we would be shouting and screaming (i’d be experiencing a lot of physical anxiety symptoms) however, 5 minutes after the argument they are laughing and joking in their bedroom like nothing happened while i’m shaking, crying, sweating etc. for hours on end.

The way they can just switch from screaming and shouting to laughing within minutes is scary.

[Te]

I feel so validated when I hear actual conversations I’ve had almost word for word.

[ds]

Yup, got an answer. But with that answer came 5 reasons why I was to blame, trying to rewrite history, minimizing the situation, threats and so on.

They aren't just clowns, they're the entire circus.

[staceycarey]

This one made me cry because both of my parents are narcissistic abusers and every relationship in my life has been a reflection of my relationship with them. Realizing this is so freeing and beautiful but also so hurtful

[carencolemusic]

I asked my narcissistic sister, who did something horrendous to hurt me while our mother was in the hospital in order to come between my mother and I, if she had any idea how I felt hearing that I had been removed from the next of kin list when I called the hospital to speak to my mother. She said I’m sorry you got hurt. When I asked her “but are you sorry for what you did?” She’s stonewalled refused to answer the question… Yelled at me to just “stop it right now” as if I was a misbehaving child ( and I’m actually older ) and that was the end of the conversation. The sad prologue is that my mother died without my ever being able to resolve it with her. My sister ended up with all of the inheritance money but for a little bit she divided amongst her siblings I take this course because I am trying to find someplace to put my hatred for this little sister, who I loved and nurtured while we were growing up. She is busy gaslighting with other family members telling them that she had to do what she had to do to protect our mother from me when, in truth, the only one of us children that my mother even had a genuine relationship with was me. My sister couldn’t stand her and used her for the money. I am a peaceful, spiritual person. I never ever wanted to be feeling hatred or enmity for a family member, but I am sickened by my anger and pain. I have physical symptoms from this trauma, and I am trying the very best I can to deal with it. Thank you, Dr. Ramani… You have been a pillar of strength and support without even knowing me. God bless you for the wonderful work you do!