How to help a narcissist fix their personality

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[youngblood]

You can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed, but you can ruin your life trying.

[wwbit]

An abusive relationship is like standing on broken glass. It hurts to stay and it hurts to walk away. Only by getting out of it can you tend your wounds and begin to heal.

[davidle]

I'm narcissistic, I'm at rock bottom, and I'm trying to grow and heal from my childhood trauma so I can be a better person. I don't want to live life the next chapter of my life being a terrible person.

[TylerLarson]

The whole problem is that at some level they already know and don't want it to be true. That's the thing they're fighting. Pointing out that it's true is echoing that voice inside that they're constantly attacking and shutting down. Regardless of HOW you tell them, you're still siding with a voice they despise.

[carolynkepler]

I tried to “fix” my mother for most of my life, starting from age 13. I didn’t know that a: it wasn’t my job, b: it was impossible. It took most of my life to understand this. I felt sorry for her because she had zero insight into her own behavior. I’m 67 yrs old now; she’s been dead for 10 yrs. I’m still trying to deal with the damage she did to me. I can see now that her narcissism was generational. Her mother was one and the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

[csfiskus]

Trying to fix a narcissist puts you on a pathway of misery, torment, and destruction. I've learned this the hard way. There is nothing to fight for in a toxic relationship. You either put up with it or leave it.

[spectermakoto]

I was a narcissist but then I took psychedelics and it gave me a deeper understanding of what I was doing. My ego was torn from my being it was crazy

[peacerun]

I would advise that person to gray rock when visiting or talking to that person but never under any circumstances mention anything that tells them they are narcissistic. HUGE mistake. I once tried to politely tell my narc sister that it wasn’t helpful that she was talking about herself in response to what I said. So ever since then she sarcastically says “not to make this all about me but…” and then goes on to make it all about her just like it always was.

[galanthuman]

If you are in a relationship my advise is to leave instead of trying to fix the narcissist. Why?
1. the success rate is too low,
2. If you succeed your life will change from unbearable to just bearable with very few glimpse of happiness
3. It will take very long and you could use that time to improve your life substantially,
4. In my experience the narcissist lacks insight in their personality (Yes they know they are different, but they think it is a good thing).
5. Think about yourself. Your personality will change the longer you stay with a narcissist. And it will not change for the better. Just leave and don't try to fix

[Adam-nubi]

As a narcisst (currently a self-aware and learning new pathways one) I have an advice - never ever let the narcisst go away with their behavior. Wait them till they understand they did wrong and apologize. Do not let their bullshit to become believable for themselves. If they do not apologizs, do not forgive them until they do. If you do otherwise, this will only reinforce their paths, not help you and not help them. You can't help someone change, if they do not genuinely realize they want to change. That is what I am so grateful my wife is super assertive. And super patient. And one more thing - you need to make sure you are happy. That is your number one goal. The narcisst's happiness is his/her own problem, until they politely ask you to support them, or really tell you they feel insecure and reveal their true self they feel ashamed of even by themselves.

[tpopbpop]

I think remaining authentic and loving goes a long way. People are very quick to belittle and gaslight others on social media. I tell them how their actions impacted me (assuming they care), my thoughts about what they did (offering another perspective), and address what I would like to be done differently moving forward (setting a boundary). Does this work? Not every time, but those who want to have a relationship with me will put in the effort to maintain that connection.

[kin]

I can't believe the timing here. Just last night I realized how narcissistic I've been recently and have been desperate to find help in getting better since then

[OpinionOfAGem]

My problem was I was in love with his possibility and not accepting him as what he was…a narcissist. Once I looked back I realized I didn’t love who he really was I loved who he pretended to be in out dating phase. Once I saw the real him it wasn’t a good kind loving understanding compassionate supportive partner, it was a drain of all those parts of me. I had to accept I didn’t love HIM only a version of him that he puts forward to gain supply. Stay strong and don’t give up warriors you deserve the real thing.

[poppywild]

I’ve seen such personality types hit the very rock bottom. They are humbled until they rise again. In one case I saw the comeback be more malignant than before the rock bottom.

[benyameenyitzhak]

Trying to change a narcissist is like reading the same book over and over and over again, and expecting a different ending.

Not worth trying to fix, just walk away.

[bellaluce]

The best way to help a narc is to WALK AWAY. You don't "help" a junkie by giving them drugs. Expressing concerns yet staying just provides intermittent reinforcement for their bad behavior.

[tlalalaboogz]

When you tell them how they make you feel they accuse you of complaining.

[buckwheat_flower]

I swear i can feel them laughing on the inside when you confront them about how they hurt you.

[annebananne]

In the case of my ex, not even rock bottom was enough. He was so depressed at one point that he actually went to therapy for three years. Did it help? Maybe on a surface level. I'd say he just got better in manipulating others. He never really dove deep into his old trauma with his therapist. He recognised his mother as a narcissist, but is oh so sure he's not.
Most frustrating part: I met the therapist at some point because she wanted to support us though our struggles- and she straight out told me she's super sure he couldn't be a narcissist, it's just not a good fit and I'm too sensitive.
...well, they are sooo charming if they want to and the abuse is so easy to ignore when there are no bruises...

[Rat_Queen]

I heard it said once
If you are trying to fix a narcissist without them wanting help ‘buckle up, it ain’t gunna happen’
It isn’t your job to fix anyone unless you are a trained, mental health professional who is paid to do so.
I’m SO glad, upon reflection, that I only wasted 3 months of my life with this. It breaks my heart that there are people out there who have wasted years in such relationships.
Take care everyone