CPTSD and Isolation: Why It Happens, What to Do

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Childhood trauma is, in effect, an injury to the ability to connect with others. In this video I introduce my 4-part series on Isolation and Loneliness -- why they're associated with CPTSD, how it plays out and what to do about it.
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I've got lots of info and links for you below. But first, PLEASE READ:

I am not a therapist or physician. My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in-person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client physician or quasi-physician relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.

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[stephanieg]

Love the focus on loneliness and isolation! I need this!! Also thank you for clarifying the difference/similarity between childhood PTSD and complex PTSD I was confused in past videos. Also thank you for all the videos you put out to help us!!!

[susanjaneterry]

Trauma changes your brain. You can see it on a brain scan. Because you can't function at your normal level, you isolate. I'm not lonely. I just don't trust. In time, when I recover, I'll get back into the swing. Until then, I won't force myself. I will stay in my beautiful lakeside home and enjoy my own company. This was initially a response to the extreme long-term trauma of narc abuse, causing PTSD. Today, it's my choice. I'm happy.

[narcsurvivors]

I'm glad you're making this series . I'm so angry about how my ability to connect with people is damaged because of my abusive and neglectful parents.
It's like I'm sitting life out . I feel ashamed of how underdeveloped I am, I'm 51 in a few weeks and I'm still like a child inside but I don't want anyone to see.

[shirleydaniels]

Isolation keeps u away from narcissists

[Me]

Very traumatic childhood. Very stressful career for 50 years and now retired. I cherish my solitude. I don’t consider it isolation. I’m never lonely…or bored…when I’m alone. It’s Zen for me.

I keep hearing about the need for people in our lives. I think it’s only a *positive* thing when you have _good_ people in your life. All I seem to meet are shallow and self centered people who only bring unnecessary drama into my life.

[yoshi]

I think you are right about development/neuro components. I was locked in a room for years and even after that, I still prefer to stay inside without having friends. I was open and a bit reckless when I was younger, but I went through many traumatic events as an adult that caused me to isolate. The desire to have friends, go out in the world, to trust and love again is still there. But the reality is that people are dangerous and constantly black belting is exhausting. I am working through exposure in therapy, but I have not met anyone safe enough to invite into my world.

[susanrobertson]

I am one of the people who has just gotten used to being alone. I hate that most of my major life events I did alone and celebrated alone. Being also introverted means I am usually happy alone. Until I am not. Sigh.

[ramblingRJ]

I spent many years isolating myself because I was afraid of rejection and being hurt. I didn't want to take the risk. It turns out I was right to believe that.
I finally got married in my 50s and I thought I had found someone loyal. I was wrong about that. She left me on our second anniversary, after refusing to go to counseling. I was crushed. Over a year later, I am still not over it. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Loneliness is bad, but not as bad as the crushing feeling of abandonment and betrayal when the person you loved walks out. (And leaves with a smile.)
I would rather be alone than to go through that again

[AuntieNise]

I like the distinction between solitude and isolation. As well as knowing when to choose solitude.

[MsScottynz]

So lonely! Realizing that having a solo journey is probably my life lesson

[mtnsmama]

I’ve 100% become a recluse and only go out when absolutely necessary, avoiding social interaction as much as possible. I don’t really feel lonely though…and do have connections with a few people I feel safe with. That said, it doesn’t feel like I’ll ever really be able to “reintroduce” myself to the outside world. This sucks.

[vickilynn]

I find that most people are self absorbed and are not capable of a two sided conversation. This, and not my CPTSD, is the reason for my withdrawal from people. It is a social problem that is not addressed actively on YouTube. It is much harder to make friends than most coaches or therapists will acknowledge. I have an active social life, but nobody who shows any interest in me as a person. I think this is the rule for most ppl who are at all emotionally intelligent.

[rumdo]

Despite my difficulties with people, I hated being alone when I was younger. Now I love it. But perhaps I’ve gone too far the other way! Thanks Anna - I’m going to enjoy this series 💕

[reneet]

I've suffered all my life from PTSD. I sometimes think I'm not really a normal person, because since I was 1st given my own bedroom at 13, It was heaven ( I have 6 Siblings) . I was so excited, and though it wasn't fancy, I LOVED it! I was always a voracious reader, and was really best friends with my horse vs. People. We moved around ( 27 schools before I was in 11th Grade) and after the first few moves, I just quit trying to make close friends. I knew I'd be leaving them soon. MyvDad was a Corporate Executive, and felt strongly that we all stay together, even when that meant uprooting even the older kids, until they were in college. My Mom went along with whatever Dad decided. My Mom was very loving, but not in a physical way at all. She never was the hugs, or touching type of person. Turns out she had come from a home where her Dad was an Alcoholic, and her Mother was a Schoolteacher, who never really paid attention to her. I never knew any of my Grandparents, and only saw an Aunt & Uncle a few times throughout my life.
Having 5 Brothers, and one sister who was 6 years older, and didn't know I exisisted was good & bad. She and I are very close as adults, though she, and all of my Brothers live scattered across the U.S.
I was married to a very abusive man for 15 years, raising his two kids along with ours. They have always been " my kids". Their Mom didn't want them, and their Dad was indifferent. To this day I am what refer to as their "Real Mom". I feel very blessed to have all these kids. They, too are scattered around the U.S., happy in their lives, and with their families they've grown through the years.
From day 1, I always said I would never NOT let my kids know I loved them. Physically holding them, loving them, and always tried very hard to make sure I told them several times a day " I Love you ".
I re-married couple of years after my divorce. He was the greatest Dad, Papa. Husband, and friend anyone could ask for. He helped me to heal tremendously. He never told me what to do. He only encouraged me to do what made me happy, and when I'd get Flashbacks really bad the first few years, he told me " Never say you're sorry about that. Be kind to yourself". I could go on & on about his calm, level-headedness that kept me grounded.
You see he'd already done his healing. I lost him 3 years ago this coming November from Agent Orange exposure years ago in Vietnam. I'm doing much better as time goes along, and doing major reworking of our home, now my home.
For the first time, even though I've missed him constantly, I've learned to cope, and let the healing happen as it does. What has been bothering most lately is how much I miss physical contact. The Trust, 100%. The closeness. The 1/2 of me that is gone. I will not use dating sites. And, I live in acrural City of approx 5600 people. I love the outdoors, so my Mastiff and I go walking a lot. A year ago one of my daughters moved back here with her daughter. So, I do see them every few days to a week. Like I said I feel this craving for the human contact, but I still really value my Solitude. I definitely have issues with Trust, not jealous type trust ..fear of being hurt Physically, as well as emotionally letting my guard down. I may be single forever, and if I do? That's ok too. Dies anyone else ever feel the longing just to have skin to skin contact, ( not just sex) closeness, with another? Is it something that will go away after a while?

[romaisblooming]

😢 timely topic! Thank you. My symptoms have become so severe that they have made me a prisoner of my home and of my own body. The loneliness is extreme and the grief profound. I don’t know how to turn this train wreck around.

[HorseOpenSlay]

You suffer with loneliness, until you reach out and connect...then you realize, wow, loneliness is so much better than whatever this "human contact" thing is. nevermind.

[Skarfp]

I'm sixty-six years old and far too worn out to try healing at this point. I am what I am, so I'll just accept it and do the best I can. Thank you for helping younger people to heal though. I commend you!

[_apey]

This is great and correct on many levels, but there are those out there that love being alone! Isolation does not always equal loneliness. It does not always mean that something is wrong. Isolation equals bliss for some!

[gogogolyra]

Oh yes! Part of the reason i remained isolated was the anger i felt towards ‘others’. I hated my relatives and neighbors for not intervening and stopping my abusive father. No one frm my family inquired about us. Frm that experience ive learned people are just useless so why bother forming relationships with them. They will never help u in my time of need. Even to this day i still feel the anger 🔥

[chilloften]

I’m often hated by sight, so this is def my struggle.
Besides that, it’s not easy coming upon those with my values & morals or even with understanding.
Understanding is all I adore.