CPTSD and The Curse of Loneliness: How to Heal

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There’s a symptom of trauma that is common in everyone, but it’s almost universal for people who were abused or neglected as children. It's a haunting sense of loneliness, and not fitting in, that can make any effort to connect with people extra stressful. This is not just an emotional hurt. Abuse and neglect caused an injury to your ability to connect with other people. If this happened to you, you were robbed of what every person rightfully deserves – to be well treasured and lovingly guided into the realm of human connection that’s all around you.

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I've got lots of info and links for you below. But first, PLEASE READ:

I am not a therapist or physician. My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in-person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client physician or quasi-physician relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go to the nearest emergency room immediately.

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[Aireekuh]

I was hoping to be first...for no reason other than I feel genuinely excited when I see a video from you. 😊 Your are helping me so much and today my sister said she can see the positive changes in me! Thank you Anna...I'm getting a membership before the end of 2024 🤞

[loricasto]

I don't have friends. I'm afraid to trust anyone, even family. My family were the one's who destroyed trust. I don't think I even like people most of the time.

[akferren]

I have no friends, no family.. not interested in dating any more.. trying to enjoy my solitude and to be grateful for a quiet simple life with my dog

[Leslie-yeis]

Music has been my life companion. At 50 years old so many times I've depended on music to lift my spirits and remind me I'm actually not alone.

[kurtzwar]

Neurologists can identify adult early childhood trauma victims by their CT scans. Underdeveloped amygdala, cingulate gyrus, hippocampus (the emotional cortex) are visible in ALL victims of childhood trauma. Caused by young children's damaging exposure to trauma and the brain's long release of cortisol. The cortisol inhibits normal brain growth including connections from the emotional cortex to the frontal lobes. Improper levels of serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine & other neurotransmitters is common in child abuse victims. These are permanent conditions. I use cannabis indica, 5-HTP, Alpha Stim (when bad), music, dogs, nature to manage my PTSD from early childhood trauma. It was not my fault. Not the fault of any child.

[adamcohen]

For me, trauma--among other factors--makes it all the more harder to form the relationships that are cited as sources of healing.

[jenniferschmitt]

It has taken over my life. I spend most of my time at home alone. I'm lonely and long to have a connection and be loved. I have very few friends.

[cynthiafeldberg]

My 93 year old mother still tells me that "everyone thinks you're weird " and nobody likes me. I'm 64 ! She says this from her wheelchair in the nursing home that she lives in because she's now incontinent and has dementia. I know that I need to be in a strong place when I choose to drive 30 minutes to go visit her. Or I can let her other 3 daughters visit her. Her husband of 70 years only goes to see her once a month.

[HappyRisks]

I have found that I shouldn't tell people about the abuse. One person said "it's a good thing you never had kids" as if I would abuse my children, which really hurt. I think people that use abuse as an excuse to abuse are lying because I would NEVER treat ANYONE the way I was treated and never have. That was before I knew about CPTSD and Anna. You have helped me so much. I've learned nearly every aspect of my personality is a symptom so I can see it now. At 67 I'm about as happy as I've ever been and am optimistic, but see how the CPTSD effected every part of my life.

[HellasGD]

I believe my cptsd affected my learning ability as a child I knew deep down I was smart but could never figure out why I felt so fearful and 'dumb'.

[dalmalifemore]

Does anyone have a mother who always tells them “ you’re strong and resourceful you always figure things out” so that she didn’t have to be a mother… ? I was always alone figuring out life’s problems since an early age she never helped me with anything. I’m not strong or resourceful I’m in survival mode. It’s such a mindf***

[dayamitrasaraswati]

When I began kindergarten I was too shy to ask to go to the toilet, so I would just leave and then be too scared to go back. The school thought the best way to deal with this was to slap me every day with a ruler. The other kids decided to stay away from me because I may get them into trouble (even though I never involved anyone else). School was a lonely place for me.
Fast forward to COVID and I was again ostracized for having a condition that did not allow me to be vaccinated. The same things that happened when I began school happened again at this time. I was ostracized (again). Punished (again).
The gaslighting by the medical profession borders on neglect for me.
I have now learned to be non-attached. It is hard to trust when friends you thought would be there for you, weren't. Harsh things were said by those I cared about.
It isn't all bad though. Being less attached has enabled people to have the freedom to come and go as they please without me trying to hold onto them. No longer do I hold anger or sadness if someone decides to leave. I am discovering who the real me is. There are spaces kept for future friends I hope will be of more value for me. I have one friend I have worked through some issues with and am glad she is still my friend. But I do not hold as tightly to friendship now. It does give me an opportunity to not hold resentment to those who choose to leave. Also I do not go into friendships as easily, making me more discerning.

[lulumoon]

No therapist could address this from childhood until recent trauma research. THIS is the symptom that broke me time and again.

[HappyCat]

I’ve been trying to find a small community of ‘safe’ people since I have very few people in my life, and none who would be willing or capable of helping me in an emergency. I was planning on having a breast reconstruction (had cancer 2 yrs ago) but I would be in hospital for a week with nobody to watch my pets for me or pick me up to get me home, so because of that, I may not get the procedure done. It’s hard to be totally on your own when things happen. If I died tomorrow, nobody would know for weeks probably.

[terri]

Thank you for helping me, at age 66, to understand myself. I am a loner and my nervous system is on high alert all the time. I will look into dysregulation. Thank you for all you do!
Blessings to you!❤

[Magpie-jb]

People need to get over the fear of being alone. That fear was what kept the toxic fake friend I had at the time, in my life.
It’s what prevented me from cutting ties with my abusive mother for so long. Both of those people, ex mother and ex friend, were both narcissists and abusive. They both made my life a living hell, and they both stole my childhood and twenties. And all because I was afraid to be alone.

I got my life back at twenty nine, and it’s been nine years since I’ve seen or spoken to either and life got better. I have a real family and friend now, I’m getting treatment for my ptsd and anxiety. I’m on medication for my adhd, and I’m healthy physically and mentally.

Be alone, it’s okay because if you are a good person it doesn’t matter that bad people were there once, you will find new people. Loneliness, and the fear of it, is exactly why toxic people get to stick around and ruin your life.

[lizzylines]

I’m 63 and in the past few weeks that this is what I’m suffering from. Literally everything I hear is ME even the co dependency. I was so emotional when I realised and I hope I change things with your help. I have such a long story which started from my dad leaving when I was 7 years old and never saw again until I found him when I grew up. I was neglected all my childhood, bullied severely in all my schools and have been in 3 long term relationships, 2 were marriages with narcissists. What is strange is even though I’ve had several sets of therapy no one has ever told me about this. A 2 yr relationship with an alcoholic who was still in love with his ex wife and blew hot & cold all the time that led to break down of depression and made my anxiety out of control. I haven’t recovered from that even though it’s been over 3 years since we split.

[tonysimmons]

The lure of dysfunctional connections when we were abused and traumatized in ways that disabled us (CPTSD) from elementary school on is the BIG CLUE we have work to do. This is finally becoming “a thing”. Thank you for sharing your experiences and expertise. 🙏🦋

[kellyl]

I have had friends who have all turned out to be narcissistic, selfish, unfeeling, with no compassion. If I could only write a book! There is no one who can be trusted. I am treated as though I am not human and worthy only of geing disgarded. Now I don't try anymore.

[asc]

You're describing me to a T in the video. I have a really hard time controlling my emotions and that makes me really hard to be around. I've also been hurt so many times that I don't want to trust and take any risks anymore. I'm extremely lonely, but I feel the way you mentioned, that it's just easier this way. I'm so tired of being hurt and rejected.


I too have tried therapy many times and I think the biggest problem that I have is that I can't cope with the day-to-day no matter how small they are, so I have difficulty trying to deal with the core issues when I'm often a mess about the tiniest things.

I struggle with anxiety and depression and often my energy level and motivation are really low. Because of that, it feels it takes every ounce of strength I have to push forward and do a small task. When something small goes wrong, I just feel unable to cope because I feel like I've got nothing left after pushing myself just to do those small tasks.