Why dating a narcissist feels like an addiction

ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"

JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM

JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK

GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS

SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST

LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"

DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[GW-gzjh]

Went “cold turkey” with no contact. Best thing ever! It really does turn around and life does regulate and happiness does return.

[dyoung]

I've never been addicted to drugs but I feel that being with a narc must be how a drug addiction feels. You know that it's bad for you but it's very difficult to break free of the unhealthy attachment.

[agentcovfefe]

I am still ruminating. I feel broken. I can’t believe I stayed so long. I am sick to think of what he was up to behind my back.

[jefflaniajiffy]

I just want to say that I was in my first narcissistic relationship from ages 18-22. It took me 4 years to leave. I’m 27 now and recently found myself back in a narcissistic relationship but this time, it took me 7 months to realize what was happening and find the strength to leave. I’m working on getting myself to a point where I know how to spot the signs and be strong enough to leave at those first signs. It’s a process, but with the help of this community, I’m trying to grow.

[stillnessspeaks]

I often wondered why I wanted to be with that person when he was openly mean to me. I remembered exactly I felt like an addict. I was trying to get those 10 weeks love bombing again. I feel embarrassed now thinking what I did then to get that person's attention. It was horrible, and shameful feelings. I didn't know the answer then. Thanks for this valuable information. It helps me to get out of that shame.

[tee]

😔😰...seriously these things need to really be taught in school😞 it hurts bad man.. 💔

[QueenofHearts]

I think when we look for validation and appreciation outside of ourselves, that’s where the trouble starts. We become narc bait. Lol.
In a way, we allow ourselves to be the puppet to their strings. Took me a long time to realize I was emotionally addicted to the love-bombing and all the feel-good parts because I was lacking those things within myself FOR myself—I was looking for someone else to tell me what was good and/or worthy about me. Once I started to validate and appreciate myself and gave myself permission to feel good in my own skin (vs trying to win at a rigged game), my relationships began to shift.
In the end, it’s not about getting them to see our value, but getting ourselves to see our own value. In fact, having narcs in our lives shows just how valuable we really are—“thieves” aren’t interested in worthless stuff, only the best, most valuable. 😉 In other words, narcs wouldn’t spend all that energy to puppeteer us if they didn’t think they were dealing with something precious and worth having. But, save your sparkle for those who know how to treat a diamond!

[jadekay]

I would literally have obsessive thoughts, round and round and round in my mind. Needing to do more to hopefully get his validation and then when I FINALLY would my nerves would calm and I'll be soothed but only for a moment. Shortly after the intermittent validation the confusion would start all over again because he would say or do something that makes NO Constantly thinking IS IT ME? WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH? I know I have SO MUCH inner work to do which I'm working on, I need my love, I need my time, I need my gentleness and understanding, all the things I was providing him with whilst he gave the absolute minimum in return. Ending the relationship was and is the first step in my journey to getting back to me.

[majatomic]

Intermittent reinforcement and push-pull create a strong bond. They say that the disfunctional bonds are stronger than the healthy ones.

[libbynovotny]

It was an addiction to me and yet he offered me nothing, no sex, no affection no real communication of thoughts and feelings, no best friend, partner or lover. strange it is. Great video Dr. R.

[abirami]

During love bombing stage in initial days, we think that we have found the happiness that we had been longing for a long time. And so no matter what happens after wards, we ache to attain that love bombing stage again and somehow retain it.

[darthvader]

I was addicted to my ex narcissist for sure! The drama, the whirlwind romance, the abuse. I still think about her.

[bernadettelaurie]

This is me. When we break up, I go into a panic attack. I try to think of anything I can give up or do to keep him to stay. I know it’s bad, and I know that the anxiety will come, but it’s like a physiological response that I can’t control.
I want out and sometimes I can pull myself away, it takes all the strength I have and then I get pulled back in again.
I’ll keep trying. One day at a time.

[jackiejames]

He was the worst addiction I ever had and I've been addicted to everything.

[abdulc]

Thank u for saying "its normal" coz it does feel awful and shameful. What u said hit my emotions and had me tearing up. Thank you for making me feel better

[heathercarpenter]

and you need to know that your teaching on narcissism is like a lifeline for folks that are needing answers..God bless you for being an instrument of information..I really appreciate all that you do for this community here.

[funkyyy]

I wnet no contact after dating narc for 2 years. At first it was hard but after few months im much happier person! :)

[pat]

Dr Ramani saved my life and my children! After Four good years in a cage.🤗😊😍
Me and my children are so happy now and enjoying life as it should be.❤️❤️

[jessicashirley]

This is so validating. Just to add to this, as an addict myself, when I was both sober and in recovery from narcissistic abuse, during a "hoovering" phase I realized that the positive attention from the narc literally felt like a high. Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin floods and euphoria. That was a turning point for me.

[vickywrightson]

I’m a recovering alcoholic and it’s basically the same, you have hit the nail on the head !!! I feel it’s actually worse .
My comments on this to a friend is a bottle of wine can damage you both mentally and physically if your an addict but a person can emotionally destroy you . I have felt more destroyed in a relationship with a narcissist than I ever did with alcohol !!