Why DATING is DIFFICULT after a narcissistic relationship

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[oceanwoods]

I gave up trying to date, 10 years ago.
Sometimes it feels like the narcissist won by destroying my gentle trusting giving soul, and my need to find a partner.
But the bliss of being alone, without having to deal with others and their issues, far outweighs any occasional loneliness

[LewsTherin]

Honestly. I have no desire to go out and date after being dragged through court and over a decade in a high conflict marriage. I'm good on my own

[serenaknight]

I'm 62 years old and 8 years out of my long term marriage. I have no desire to try dating. I'm still healing from almost 40 years of covert abuse. I was living in his false reality full of lies. I speak truth now. I like me. I like being alone with my thoughts. Should I ever find someone, he will be competing with my peace of mind 😂 I've said, this man is going to have to be amazing. He will have to be good, kind and honest. And quite frankly, I fear this man doesn't even exist. And i'm ok with it. 🙂

[justrosy]

I gave up once I learned how to identify narcissism and realized that it's plagued my entire life, and there are so many narcs out there that you can't spin around blindfolded, stop, and throw a stone without hitting one. Ignorants think that victims "attract" narcissists, but that's just victim-blaming. Nothing wrong with being a kind person! The blame is theirs, for *choosing* to be horrible! In any event, they're everywhere, it's hard to meet people who don't have some hidden agenda, and I like my life the way it is anyway, so there's no good reason to change a thing about it, including adding someone new into it!

[RobinSpeer]

There is absolutely no way I am ever getting into another romantic relationship. I would rather just hang out with my dog than go down that road again. No one is ever going to interrupt my peace again.

[stevesanders]

After reading the comments on here, it’s refreshing to know that my lack of trust is real and it happens to a lot of survivors.

[dawnkjeldsen]

It was a disaster. Ended up dating an even worse narcissist. I’m in month 9 of my year “no dating” and I am honestly not sure even a year will be enough. I am really enjoying my own journey and self-discovery!

[jokendrick]

My malignant narcissist husband passed 11 years ago today (after 30 yrs together) and I have not and never will date again. I'm way too content and happy to be alone. It hasn't even crossed my mind. I feel blessed. Life is good and whatever I wish it to be. I have good longtime friends and a darling spoiled dog. That is enough.

[RoseThePhoenix]

I was with a covert narc for nearly ten years. I spent more than two years educating myself and working through the trauma so I could avoid the same traps. Ended up briefly dating a more grandiose style narc, which was upsetting but also told me that I COULD walk away, I didn't have to stay in a manipulative situation again. Five years after leaving the covert narc, I'm with someone wonderful who shows appreciation for me and loves me.

[stevenkeller]

Going on 9 years without a relationship and hyper focused on raising my kids, now they are off to college. I've never been happier and have accepted my solitude. Meanwhile... my x/narc is running the gamete in front of our children, while having a great guy that loves her and active in our kids life, only to see her leaving him over and over again to use whatever she can to get more supply form other men. This guy was just like me, just waiting for more. Prayers for this man.They see a big difference in the attention I give to them compared with their mother. It is very sad. Waiting for someone to organically be introduced in my life...that will be the one, if there is one. Love deserves patience. Thank you Dr. Ramani.

[bowtoyoursensei]

I suffered from terrible PTSD after escaping from a narcissistic boyfriend of only a little over a year. It took another two years and lots of therapy just to start dating again.

[jerrysstories]

When I met my ex-wife, she convinced me she'd been lied to and abused by her parents and her ex -- but that she was willing to try to learn to trust to be with me. Made me feel very special, to be the person she'd take that risk for. As soon as we were married, it turned out SHE was the narc, liar, abuser, and manipulator. When we split up, she had half of her yoga class in the house helping her move out, offering her places to stay, doing everything they could to help her escape her abusive husband.
So yeah, I have trust issues.

[Dallasl_andscaping_.]

Don’t date. Refrain from sexual distractions and learn who you really are. Daily Meditation is the key. You will realize your on the right path when all your old friends are gone and you’ve joined a better herd.

[angelacahill]

In AA, we say, "My picker is broke." It means we continually choose the wrong people. I now value my safe, quiet, peaceful personal life. I refuse to compromise it for anyone, whether that's family, friend, neighbor, coworker, or future significant other. I see the red flags now, and don't excuse them away anymore.

[liudmilaaleagaaguilera]

My options have narrowed significantly. I can see narcissists quicker and get out of relationships faster as I get to know them. Most importantly, I'm happy by myself, so I'm more discerning. I like my peace🥰 Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your role in my healing journey❤️❤️❤️

[Alex-jslg]

The problem with telling someone to "get back on the horse" after a narcissistic relationship is that they've basically got brain "damage" (not actual damage per se, just unhealthy thinking). They need support and healing, not a pep talk.

[beaucarbary]

I got lucky, I think. My ex messed me up really badly, and I was still stuck living with her for years afterward. I'd made peace with being alone, said to myself I was fine being single for the rest of my life. During that time I did a lot of soul-searching about my codependency issues and made personal rules about all the ways I would never let myself be treated again, not by anyone. Then I started working with someone on a trans advocacy project, and over the course of a year doing that work we fell for each other. We've been married for a few years now, and I still am in awe that our relationship is as healthy as it is.

[ktrayn]

I have no desire to ever give up the freedom I have found since leaving my narcissistic husband. It's changed the way that I see men, especially if they have anything in common with my husband.

[MaryFaulds]

Hitting me right where I am, Dr Ramani. It’s been a nightmare. I don’t trust anyone. It’s been more than 4 years. I ended up finding another narcissist, and he fooled me by being “nicer” than my ex husband. I really hate it

[tigermagda]

It took me 2 and half years to be ready. I tried earlier but was too hurt, everything fluffed my feathers. Everything seemed like a red flag. I'm in a relationship with a normal now and feels so rewarding.