Is the Person You’re Dating a Narcissist?

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I’ve carefully designed these 7 steps to address the stages you’ll go through—in the exact order they’re likely to arrive. And while we all know this process can take an enormous amount of time to put into action, I hope these steps will serve as a compass that will keep you pointed toward your strength (in spite of any distractions the narcissist may try to throw your way).

I also hope this video provides you with strength, acceptance, peace, and progress as you finally move on with your life and remember what it feels like to be free from the coercive control of the narcissist in your life.

P.S. Even if you’re not in this situation, learning these principles in advance may save you a lot of time and grief down the road. And if you are going through this right now? Please know you’re not alone. I’m right here with you.

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[robertataylor]

I am doing this NOW. I went radical acceptance, I lived homeless for 8 months in my mini van, finished my Advanced Paralegal Certificate with honors and graduated just 3 weeks ago. I bought a trailer and I am putting it on a spot on the 1st, just in time for winter. I AM MAKING IT!!!

[fseedat]

I kept myself a prisoner in a toxic relationship until he hurt me so badly emotionally that I was forced to leave. He thought I wouldn't because of how many times I allowed it to continue in the past. This video gave me so much peace in knowing I did the right thing and life can still go on. It's not too late. And I hope if you are going through it, you find the courage to leave.

[Princess]

1. assume this person will never change
2. Too much empathy can be dangerous. Don't try to understand their situation and analyze their childhood all the time. Don't endure everything. At some point, empathy has to hit the floor
3. Do not allow your empathy to become the cover of your fear
4. We have to be willing to light the fuse that blows up our own lives. I'm accepting who I am and resetting my image. Accepting who you are is progress. Happiness comes from progress.
5.when you begin to freak out about making this tough choice in your life, your mind will trick you into thinking the status quo isn't so bad
6. you have to connect with the idea that if you remain where you are, you will never be happy and never at peace
7. realize that both paths will be terribly difficult, but only one of them leaves a possibility of your future happiness

[claudiaedward]

“If you stay it’s gonna be incredibly difficult. If you leave it’s gonna be incredibly difficult. But one of those paths has guaranteed misery. And one of them opens up a world of possibility in terms of your happiness. Which difficulty are you gonna choose.” That's what I thought too. Thank you😇

[caurbine]

She was nearly perfect. Style, same life goals and interests, my perfect body time preference, our large dogs even loved each other. She checked every box. We even developed our relationship equally. She would say she likes something and I would like it too but never said it so I knew it wasn’t some manipulation. It was genuinely perfect.

I gave my time, energy, money, and love. Then after a time She followed the classic formula for a covert narcissist. Saying things like “things will be better after this.” Then there was always something that come up as a excuse for why she wasn’t putting in the effort she used to, not being as sexual, not being as energized or excited to do things together. All the while justifying her lack of effort, but still expected the same level of effort from me.

I struggled setting my own boundaries and we ended up in and off and on again relationship. She would do something disrespectful, I’d say it hurt me, her ego would get bruised, and it would spiral into a breakup. I’ve finally left for good after she lied about going to a party, didn’t invite me because she didn’t want to deal with the drama of telling her friends we were back together, and then was completely unapologetic about how that was disrespectful to me.

During that conversation I saw the real her. Gaslighting, silent rage, apathy. Absolutely zero regret.

I have blocked her on everything and am dealing with the rollercoaster of “maybe I was wrong” and “I was right to leave”

Videos like these always come at the perfect time. Thank you.

Update: Turns out, she was seeing her ex. New lesson, if their ex is still around, leave and don’t look back.

[GrossesLettres]

Given the amount of comments here I bet no one will ever read mine but: THIS is the video that made me officialy cut ties with my ex. THIS video, saved my heart, my head, my nerves, my body, from more abuse.

Thank you! ❤ from Quebec, Canada.

[JVS-fm]

As a therapist and someone who went through all these stages personally, I have to say this video is the most important I’ve seen on the subject of how and why to leave, even though it is a brutal process. Thank you.

[Quicksilllver]

I finally got out when I realized that I couldn’t live this way 5-10-15 years down the road. Getting out was so hard. Many sleepless nights and lots of tears. But 3 months out and I can feel the life coming back into my eyes. It’s worth getting out. I promise.

[johi]

❤to anyone who is healing from narcissist people I wish you all the power you need to grow to an even stronger version of you💪🏻

[t.d.]

“If you stay it’s gonna be incredibly difficult. If you leave it’s gonna be incredibly difficult. But one of those paths has guaranteed misery. And one of them opens up a world of possibility in terms of your happiness. Which difficulty are you gonna choose.” 👌👏🙌🏻❤️❤️❤️ Brilliant, thank you🙏

[SimoneJY]

My divorce became final last week after 20 years of marriage and a further 6-year legal battle with a narcissist. I have watched many videos on this topic which literally saved my life after my ex discarded me on our wedding anniversary. But like you so eloquently summarized in this video Matthew, we all have a choice to make…to simply stay alive or to truly live. I chose the latter…but I’ll be honest, at the start, it was for my children - not for me. But now, whilst I am alone - with no partner, no close family and no friends who stayed by my side - I am truly at peace and content with the life I am living for the first time. That is the power of courage and self love that you gain as we traverse this bumpy, arduous yet wonderful journey called life. I like to call pain the cost of my life education - some lessons are damn hard and can almost break you. But when you have that “aha” moment, you really do feel infinite and grateful for all the cuts and bruises.

[rmokofsky]

I look at my toxic Narcassist as a gift of the biggest lesson of my life of self-awareness! 🙏🏽💗🙏🏿

[amandamilobooks]

4:12 'Too much empathy can become dangerous and can be weaponized against you.' "People who are narcissists are attracted to people with extraordinary empathy."
If there was a way to mark a video with highlighter, this is the spot I'd do it. What I would give to go back in time and know this!

[hildakemy]

“trade my empathy for distant compassion” best line in this video 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[Lifes_Frosting]

As someone who was with a narcissist for 36 years I can tell you that you will go through all of the stages Matthew gives. I did. Every single one. I have been on my own now for 3 years. I can say without a doubt leaving was the best decision I could have ever made. I am content. I have peace and joy in my life now that I never had. I have total control over what I do, what I spend my money on and who I spend my time with. I only wish I had been able to leave sooner. If you are with a narcissist in a romantic relationship, get out before you waste any more precious time. You won't regret leaving. You will regret that you stayed.

[kimlynch]

Took a long time to break free. All the understanding, compassion, empathy, loyalty and love cannot change these people. They will always be toxic

[naspa]

Excellent video Matthew. Cuts to the core.
After a 38 year relationship I was looking down an abyss while having a panic attack. All these years thinking kids will grow up, we’ll retire, things will be better. Then to accept the reality of nothing was going to change. I had to scream in the car where no one could hear me. He wasn’t going to change. I would still be in service to him while he did as he pleased. Sometimes I was included and sometimes not. Some good memories but more bad. The endless lying, the mind games, the manipulation. I didn’t deserve it. But being alone isn’t what I thought my future would be.
I confronted him and his response “You can’t end a 38 year relationship! We have to help each other!” I was the one helping him. He wasn’t there for me.
I made the painful choice of removing him from my home while he was out of town. I cut off all communication. As hard and emotional as it was I had to end it. To stay with him would mean I would still be in service to him. I was such a loyal, Care giving, empathic person. Exactly what he wanted. For what ever time I have left….. I chose me.

[MiriamA]

I learned a lot after being with a narcissist. It was a horrible, and crazy painful time, but while I got over it, I learned so much about myself and the patterns I used to gravitate towards that I now manage to avoid these traps.

[staciecs]

I found myself smiling at strangers at the grocery store & they smiled back❣️no pouting no shouting

[Proudchristian]

" We have to be willi]ng to light the fuse that blows up our own life "
This spoke to me so loud, I just filed for divorce last week after 21 years of marriage, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I was so CO dependent, and had so much empathy, I didn't realize I was married to a narcissist and I was being abused. Thank you for this video.