The 'No Contact Rule' Explained | Matthew Hussey

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When a relationship with someone we had strong feelings for (or even loved) ends, we tend to get overwhelmed with emotions.

Whether we were with them for a short period of time or in a long, committed relationship, these feelings are universal.

They can come in the form of raw heartbreak, the feeling that we’ve lost control over our happiness, a paralyzing fear that they might move on, an overwhelming desperation to get them back, or simply the pain of missing someone who used to be a constant in our life.

The trouble is, when heartbreak, control, fear, desperation, or pain are at the wheel, the desire to make ourselves feel better becomes insatiable and this will in turn start to dictate how we conduct ourselves.

The solution? Setting yourself a goal.

Perhaps you’ve heard of the “No Contact Rule” but don’t know exactly what it entails, or maybe it sounds a little too counterintuitive for how you feel right now, especially if you’re holding out hope that you could still get back together . . .

Well, I’m here to tell you that’s not the case, and in this week’s video, I distill the best I’ve learned about breakups and the No Contact Rule into everything you need to know on the topic, including what you can say at different stages.

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[brewberry]

When someone treats you like they don't care, believe them.

[feministiqe]

To anyone watching this, please know that, each day, you will heal a little more and realize a little more that you are deserving of so much better. The person who will value you enough to not let you go or ever lose you, will one day come.

[charleedell]

I don't know what algorithm sent this video to an old married woman on an exercise bike but it breaks my heart to think of so many beautiful souls in unwarranted pain because some cockroach rejected them. I was devastated when my first boyfriend dumped me. For years I wondered why, until one day I realised it didn't matter why, because there was no longer a single thing I'd be willing to change about myself to get him back. One day you will have that peace too x

[szachraj]

Message to those who are currently hurt: Its been almost 2 years after a really hard breakup. At first, I wanted him back but now I know the split was actually the best thing ever happened to me. I have never been happier. So i just came to say - wonderful things are going to happened to you. You are amazing and you're going to find someone as great as you are, you just have to believe and work on your happiness. Stop focusing on other people, your life is about you.Right now focus on yourself. Sending love 🥰

[signsignsign]

Never go back to someone that didn't want you and was okay with the idea of letting you go forever.

[rahmakawtar]

I followed your advice "no contact period" and after 30days I'm realizing that I don't want him anymore thank you so much Matthew.

[mr]

1. Creates space for healing 2. To prevent us from committing impulsive behaviour 3. To avoid pushing someone away further 4. Leaves room for mystery 5. Raises the stakes (let the other person also feel the consequences of the breakup)

[dreaming_of_that_mbbs_mbchb]

My psychologist said when you’re highly emotional and hurting act opposite don’t watch things that upset you/trigger you play music that is opposite to what you’re feeling and if you’re body is saying go to bed/hide in bed… get up get out of bed and move. This breaks the brains perception of “fear response” you face it you reframe what is happening “I’m useless this is all my fault” to “I may not be perfect but I try my best and that’s enough”

[Revolution-tlwo]

No contact isn't to "get the other person back, " no contact is for YOU. If you do no contact correctly, you get the time and perspective to see that relationship for what it was and realize someone better is on their way. It's easy to think, when you're wrapped up in someone, that just because they're the best you've had so far it means they're the best you'll ever get. Most of the time, if you really committed to no contact and invested all that energy back into yourself, by the time your ex shows back up you've taken reconciliation off the table.

[uhohhhsteven]

Remember that if your ex didn’t do any healing and self reflection during the period of no contact, there is zero point in you taking them back.

[ryzdmbp]

I listened to this and sent a letter written the way Matthew suggested. I heard back from him in 5 days. He apologized to me for over reacting and we met and talked about happening with each of us. We both want this relationship and are willing to work on it. Thank you so much Mathew. So many others tell you absolutely no contact whatsoever, but I listened to Matthew. My significant other told me that he was wanting to contact me but was afraid I did not want to hear from him. When he received my letter he knew we both felt the same. I also feel like I gained my power back because I let him come to me, and he now knows that I could walk away and move on with my life if the situation called for it.

[palaniv]

If you took a step back, far back, and really looked at your situation with your partner, more often than not you'll realise how many things are red flags that you've been ignoring.

[Mm-wbct]

I have been in no contact now for almost 4 months. I didn’t reach out again because I didn’t want to be lowering my value by asking someone who didn’t want me to come back. Matthew said in one of his videos “it’s not your job to fix what he broke”

[carmenkamberos]

“ My silence means I am tired of fighting and now there’s nothing left to fight for. My silence means I am tired of explaining my feelings to you, but now I don’t have the energy to explain them anymore. My silence means I have adapted to the changes in my life and I don’t want to complain. My silence means I am on a self healing process and I’m trying to forget everything I ever wanted from
you. My silence means I am just trying to move on gracefully with all my dignity. By Aarti Khuran))

[wendygrace]

If you're reading this I want you to know that I'm on day 22, if I can do it then baby you can do it. I'm one to hold on to people, one to fight for them. So if this time I was able to just disappear and go no contact, then you definitely can. Baby it's tough, you will want to give up more than half the time, but this time you are fighting for yourself, you can't give up. Sending love to those going through it❤ I have faith in you❤

[sackymalyenge]

Just sent the goodbye letter today, there's no turning back now🙏

[tennispennis]

If someone does not want you in their life, walk away and never ever bother them again. It's the right action for both people, anything else is unreasonable.

[AP-ggep]

STAND BEHIND YOUR DECISIONS. You are not flakey, uncertain, indecisive, desperate, and weak hearted. You are kind, vulnerable, and strong. If someone interprets that as weak, that is their mistake.

[hatton]

My boyfriend split up with me 3 weeks ago and everyday since has been a constant struggle. I feel sick, anxious, in physical pain.. the lot! Praying for everyone going through heartbreak.. praying for your healing and strength to get through this. Everyone thats currently going through heartbreak write a comment under mine and lets see where we are in 6 months. Stay strong people, we’ve got this!

[oztrace]

I’ve just separated after 25 years of marriage. Separation rarely happens overnight. As painful as it was, having contact has been even more painful. The healing only began after implementing a no contact rule. Agree100%.