Social Awkwardness and Childhood Trauma - 6 Tips

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Chapters:
0:00 Intro
1:37 Tip #1: Over-Reading and Predicting
3:08 Tip #1: Over-Reading and Predicting (What to Do Instead)
4:27 Tip #2: Secrets Running in the Background
5:43 Tip #2: Secrets Running in the Background (What to Do Instead)
6:41 Tip #3: Over-Talking
7:38 Tip #3: Over-Talking (What to Do Instead)
8:43 Tip #4: Assuming They Know
10:22 Tip #4: Assuming They Know (What to Do Instead)
11:10 Tip #5: Over-Sharing
12:15 Tip #5: Over-Sharing (What to Do Instead)
13:33 Tip #6: Blurting Out
14:26 Tip #6: Blurting Out (What to Do Instead)
15:26 Final Thoughts
16:33 Outro

[chrisbarry]

My biggest fear is bothering anyone. That has so much weight in my anxiety. Assume everyone is bothered

[VioletEmerald]

The "you hate me" in the thumbnail is what gets me. I always jump to that thought. Fear of people hating me

[aniE]

I find myself going from one extreme to the other. Either I share way too much or completely shutting people out. There's no in between.

[lemsip]

Love the recent reel on children being told they don't have common sense by abusive parents who have no awareness of child development, communication skills, or the need to explain things to people. People aren't mind readers, and children especially aren't so.

[ItsActuallyKate]

Its so embarrassing when im sharing what i think is a mildly amusing anecdote and the other person tells me they are sorry that happened 💀 that was not the intended vibe i meant to bring

[lizblock]

The thing that drives me the most crazy is not knowing when or how to jump into a conversation with several people. By the time I spot a moment to jump in, the discussion has moved on and my comment no longer applies. I think a big part of my awkwardness in general was NPD parents who really didn't socialize so I was never around normal conversations.

[theGRAMela]

“Be gentle with yourself.”

Easy to say… challenging to practice.

[Inaneassylum]

There are people that I have cut off contact with because every time I was around them I felt I couldn’t do or say anything right. Every encounter led to shame.

[GBmont]

It’s after a social event, party, whatever that my anxiety is unbearable to deal with, not just during. Continuously re playing over my mind dumb things I said or saying something embarrassing faux pas stuff. It haunts me days after. I literally run off and quickly do anything to take my mind off a random past memory that creeps up of some social conversation, years after in happened! It is so crippling. I try my best to go with the flow in a social situation however my body reacts before my mind does, so I end up fidgeting, then I become aware of myself even more, try to act normal, smile along, make eye contact, nodding away in agreement, even though I have no idea what conversation is about. I’m lost when I’m around people, but feel at home and at peace when I’m alone.

[fathomtuns]

There's also... lying? Not the lying of "I don't want to get in trouble", but more the story telling of "I'm boring, so I have to fib to seem cool". My worst and most persistent maladaptive trait was 'spicing up' the truth; implying hobbies I had no interest in, making up a more interesting personal life, fabricating dates and partners. I'd guess what they'd want to hear, or how I would write the events like it were a book. So I struggled either with getting caught, or only having surface level relationships built on a character of myself that I had to maintain.

[subtropical]

Wow this is a very specific comment but I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard someone say that there’s nothing wrong with being shy

[wheresallthezombies]

When I’m in social situations, I completely shut down and don’t talk. I don’t know what to say and assume people don’t like me. I wish I could be talkative and social but when I put myself in those situations it doesn’t usually go well

[loritawde]

Thank you Patrick for helping me (now in my 50s) finally start taking the training wheels off. Social gatherings are such torture, my mouth diving into over-talking and over-sharing, while the rest of me is looking for a chair to crawl under ... this video is going to be such a lifesaver, I can already tell!

[MsDarylM]

I am still over talking and over sharing and think this is a reaction to feeling invisible and ignored. Even though I’ve been aware of it for years, I still do it in stress situations.

[theclumsyprepper]

My biggest issue with social interactions is that, on top of being an introvert, I have nothing in common with most people so trying to talk to strangers is mentally exhausting. I end up either blabbing like a fool or avoiding conversations altogether.
I can put on a different persona at work, and can talk to the wall when in that mode, but outside of it I just can't do it so I avoid social occasions like a plague. I still occasionally make a fool of myself at work, but I'm learning to keep my mouth shut.

[lkensok]

I feel like I needed a #7: jumping in with stories about myself in response to when other people share so that it sounds like I only care about myself. I've read or heard elsewhere that this is the inner child's response to wanting to be heard so desperately that we finally feel like we get a chance to speak. Heck, maybe that was another PT video. But I distinctly remember having a conversation like this in college where my roommate very nicely said, "This isn't about you, " and I was just crushed. I was just trying to relate, not dominate.

[Sky_Cat_]

As the Ghost trauma personality type, I can't wait to see this 🥲Even writing this comment feels awkward

[melaniejane]

I’m 3 months into a new job & find working in an office to be overwhelming because I’m scared of everyone, yet want to fit in with everyone. It’s terrifying and exhausting at the same time.

[genmyth]

My problem is the complete opposite of the examples you described in the intro. I am socially awkward but its always because I say too little. I share too little and struggle to build connections with people, when I'm nervous or anxious I shut down and hardly talk, in social situation I tend to become invisible because that's where I feel the safest. The techniques you described though, still apply in a helpful way