Connection With People Is Easier When You Heal Childhood PTSD Symptoms

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Many people who were abused or neglected in childhood feel socially awkward, but you may not have realized that past trauma and difficulty feeling connected and at ease with people is a trauma thing. In this "best of" compilation of my best videos on not fitting in, I teach the signs that trauma may have affected your ability to connect, and how you can heal symptoms and develop genuine, trusting relationships with the people in your life.

Do You Struggle to Connect with People?
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[aimeeamigone]

God I love this woman. Knows us deeply.

[di]

I have no problems connecting with decent, kind, good people. Kind people are not turn off by awkwardness.

[joyphillips]

This is often overlooked even at church. You have the people hugging you and wanting to pray with you and yet there is an overwhelming feeling to flee right after the service is over.

[andyb]

44:07. "Keep trying. Keep participating...and I know if feels hard because it IS hard, but keep trying, keep participating."

I really needed to hear this. My biggest challenge right now is to keep trying, keep participating.

[stephanie]

In my 40’s, no family or friends and struggled to an extreme. I am just alone and I don’t even understand how to find opportunities.

[Dorothy]

"Your sense of self has been late in arriving. That is why you borrow other people' s selves!!" 😮😮 Yes, thank you so much!!😢 You didn' t have the chance to clarify your own being to yourself. People feel you. They feel desperation. They feel resentment. No matter what you are saying or acting, your vibe communicates where they are coming from.

[msmith]

This video really hit home with me. I'm in my sixties and really struggling still with childhood trauma that involved being ridiculed, belittled, teased and then ignored by parents and much older siblings. I learned not to appreciate myself but to stuff my feelings, and wound up married (recently divorced) to a guy who didn't treat me well. A good therapist is helping me develop a sense of self and heal, but these videos are so essential and wonderful. I feel best socializing with one person or a few people at a time, and being in groups can be very triggering if others are insensitive and not thoughtful.

Sometimes groups don't have healthy dynamics, though. I went on a number of backpacking trips with a Meetup group in which the leader, out of the blue, started making demeaning comments about older women, saying they are screwed up, that older divorced women seem to take up hiking, and that they complain about knee pain, etc, on his hikes. I hadn't had any problems on his trips, but since I was the only older woman there, it felt as if he was targeting me. Another group member, a man around fifty, started making really off-color comments involving older women. Both these guys smoked a lot of pot and drank. I politely confronted the trip leader about his comments and he blasted me, saying that I had bad hearing and was way too sensitive. I quit that group, because I'm not going to stand by and put up with insults. I'll find other people to explore the outdoors with.

[Analysis_Paralysis]

It's so helpful to know the conversation stoppers, thank you!

Sometimes I realize that I don't really steer conversations and I end up talking about things I didn't really want to talk about. It's a really unintelligent way to have conversations. Not to have a plan what to talk about and what *not* to talk about. I end up either giving my power away or addressing things that are painful.

I didn't know I could work on that and be more mindful, thanks Anna!

[balisurfcali]

I scrolled through all the videos and realized I need to watch every single one of them it hit me.. my healing is so not over and it’s pretty bad … 😩

[dameanvil]

00:00 🤖 Childhood PTSD can lead to social awkwardness due to lack of early role modeling and structure for social interactions.
01:09 🛡 Shame in awkward social situations can lead to isolation and withdrawal from connections and relationships.
03:14 💼 Childhood trauma can result in a lack of confidence in handling challenging social situations, leading to a tendency to isolate.
06:16 🛠 Guiding principles for social grace include being gentle, trustworthy, and humble, which can foster positive connections with others.
09:14 ⚖ Codependent behavior involves investing excessive energy into others to fulfill one's own emotional needs, potentially leading to imbalances in relationships.
14:34 🔄 Chloe struggles with a pattern of turning potential romantic partners into friends, possibly stemming from childhood experiences with emotionally unavailable parents.
21:32 🗣 When trying to connect with people, avoid putting them on a pedestal and focus on being yourself. Don't feel the need to constantly please them.
22:41 💔 Fantasizing and desperately waiting for someone can lead to unhealthy patterns in relationships. It's important to have fun and fulfill yourself independently of a romantic interest.
23:50 🍲 Overdoing things, like cooking for someone you're not genuinely interested in, can be a sign of codependency. It's important to set healthy boundaries and not engage in behaviors that feel inauthentic.
25:16 🛑 Rushing into a relationship and bombarding someone with questions can be off-putting. It's important to pace yourself and allow the connection to develop naturally.
26:28 🪔 Take time for personal development and self-discovery. Engage in activities you love, read challenging books, and consider meditation to deepen your sense of self.
28:33 💑 It's normal to desire a relationship, but don't let it consume your thoughts entirely. Focus on developing your own interests, growth, and confidence independently of romantic connections.
30:52 📚 Engaging in conversations about ideas, goals, and challenging topics can make interactions more meaningful and help build deeper connections with others.
32:57 🧘 Meditation and practices like The Daily Practice can help you become more grounded and emotionally available in social interactions, especially if you have experienced childhood trauma.
35:14 🤝 Finding a balance between being part of a group and maintaining your own boundaries is important. It's okay to start on the periphery and gradually engage more deeply over time.
39:08 🌱 Taking risks in social interactions and allowing yourself to be vulnerable is essential for personal growth and developing meaningful connections with others. Avoiding people for too long can lead to isolation and self-centeredness.
42:22 🤝 Being included and connected with others is primal and crucial for personal growth, development, and well-being.
43:15 🧠 Inclusion in human relationships is essential for brain health and can ward off dementia. It also provides a support system in times of need.
44:10 🔄 Connecting with both individuals and groups is important, especially for those with childhood PTSD. It may be challenging but persistence is key.
45:47 🗣 Learning effective conversational strategies, such as open-ended questions and active listening, is fundamental for building meaningful connections.
46:42 🎈 Avoid conversation stoppers like giving one-word answers or bringing up negative topics too early. Instead, show curiosity and engage actively.
50:11 💡 Bonding around personal growth and healing is more beneficial than bonding solely around shared trauma.
55:25 🤔 Wait until you fully understand before responding. Misunderstandings can lead to conversational malpractice or misrepresentation.
57:57 🙅‍♂ Avoid giving unsolicited advice. Respect boundaries and only offer advice when specifically asked.
01:03:39 🚗 When someone shares something about their life, avoid contradicting or correcting them, especially with unsolicited advice. Instead, ask questions to understand their point of view and open up the conversation.
01:05:59 🗣 Correcting and contradicting someone can be embarrassing and alienating. It's important to be sensitive and avoid embarrassing others, especially in group conversations.
01:06:11 🤐 Leaving no room for the other person to talk can hinder the flow of conversation. Pay attention to pauses, and if you've been talking too much, apologize and ask for their opinion.
01:07:08 👂 Actively show that you're listening and interested in what the other person is saying. Validate their thoughts with eye contact, nods, and friendly affirmations, even if it feels unnatural at first.

[PhoenixAurelius-]

I talk more about ideas than I do about myself, and I still feel awkward around others - mainly because I feel the ideas I'm interested in are not the ones others are interested in. I feel excited about telling others what I'm studying, especially if our conversation is on the same general subject matter. But I still end up feeling like my input is "too much" or "too deep" for others to appreciate.

[aoyenngoc]

How wonderful we can find each other thanks to a letter of a stranger, yet still feel like nobody understands us in real life 😕

[yuk]

Anna, your children must be so proud of you for turning your life around. 💛

[lizrussell]

I've been marinading in your videos for 3 days and am blown away by how your communication skills have compensated for every awkward sensation resulting from my mistake of oversharing my past with people I care about as a way to be seen authentically, only to feel the *cringe* after. What a blessing these videos are! THANK YOU! I'm inspired creatively!

[elizabethoneill]

Looking back I realize that I felt this way as a child even, thanks for helping us all with this, I'm tired of being "in exile."

[cbgh]

This is relatable, grew up with poor social skills due to some form of emotional neglect in my early years. Struggled in school and my internship. Developed major anxiety and self esteem issues when dealing with people. Did not had positive experience in areas like work, school and relationships. I begin to see how the effects of emotional neglect affects my adulthood. Its really damaging. I had to deal with a mentally ill parent at a young age, which further adds on to the damage of emotional neglect.

You see, when you are the child of someone who is mentally unwell—be it due to a substance, illness, or other cause—there is a lot of sadness, guilt, and shame. You don't know what to do or where to turn, and it is very lonely. I grew up isolated, scared, and alone. When you are the child of someone who is mentally unwell, there is anger. I was mad at my mother for neglecting and abandoning me. I was disappointed in myself. When you are the child of someone who is mentally unwell, there is fear—for and of the future

[RobRowan-lp]

Omg, Anna
I'm so glad I found you.
That's exactly what I've struggled with all my life.
My mom is OVERT NARCISSISTIC.
She abused me MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, PHYSICALLY.
And as I got older I saw being nice to the rest of the world and she would take out her AGRESSION on me.
It ERODED any confidence I had.
It was so hard to get through daily life with her, and I have become my mother.
Her negativity and verbal abuse has AFFECTED me TREMENDOUSLY..
THANK YOU ANNA FOR THROWING A LIFE SAVOR to those of us who are stuck.
❤

[poetryjones]

🌟A CCF Comments Section Experiment : “Like” if you were always the “weird kid” in your childhood/teen years.
(*note - I’m fully grown now and STILL “that weird chick”. No idea why until I watched this video.
Crappy Childhood Fairy is legit changing my life 🙏🏼🌹

[benwilliamson]

When I'm outside my home, in a public place I always feel like I need to defend myself because of all the childhood bullying...I feel like I'm a monster among sheep. I always prefer my own company .

[KL-niju]

Your timing couldn't be better! I just got back from a party. I feel like I manage to offend people just by saying hello. I've spent a lot of time trying to learn how to act normal but it seems that no matter how much effort I put into this endeavor, I cant seem to make progress.