Being Socially Awkward is a Trauma Symptom

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Growing up with trauma, or in a family where you didn't learn basic social graces -- or you weren't free to have friendships -- can leave you lost, as an adult, in social situations.
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[eelnoops]

In the beginning of this video you said something that really caught my attention when you said something along the lines of, "...until I learned how to heal my CPTSD symptoms." SYMPTOMS. I have been thinking of this, struggling with how to heal CPTSD, but really it's the symptoms that are problematic and the only part of the equation I have control over. 🤯

[adrieinwonderland]

I had someone tell me that I’m awkward the other day and it really ruined my day. Then I realized that yes, I am definitely awkward.

[Laz_RS]

My mother is a covert narcissist. Growing up, the social interaction that was modeled for me was to only talk about how horrible your life is. Too far into my adulthood did I realize people don't want to have a one sided conversation with someone who only talks about their hardships.

[rmhjules]

I’m very socially awkward. I dealt with a lot of loneliness when I was a child and also extreme anger when I did something wrong. I was always shy and when I didn’t say hi to my moms friends or whoever it was always “ oh she’s just shy “ so I grew up thinking that I was the shy one and whenever I did something out of character I was laughed at or teased because I was trying to break out of the shy mold. My family was a “ children are to be seen, but not heard “ family. I’m now 43 and still trying to figure things out socially along with my true personality. Thus is a very interesting video ♥️🙏🏻

[janalu]

Forget narcissism - POVERTY is a great hindrance to learning social skills! I remember kids having to opt out of school trips because they involved expenses for each participant for up to 2 USD. Two dollars!!!! And they couldn't go. Not to mention not having nice enough clothes to attend social gatherings that may actually be free. Child poverty is deeply affecting a large proportion of every generation. The effects are life-long.

[Oshiiiiiiiiiiii]

I don't know if I'm on the autistic spectrum or just severely traumatized.

[riffmagos]

Isolation is the only time I feel relief from the social anxiety, on top of the every day, constant anxiety.

[TheDsgrant]

Yep. 'Vulnerable to feeling shame' is a major factor in my social awkwardness and isolation. I also learned social grace by mimicking others.

[tanya_alex_comedienne]

My mom used to chastise me in front of elders for not greeting them appropriately before she even gave me a chance to greet them. We would arrive and she would do all the talking and suddenly turn to me and start scolding. I'm 29 now and I still don't know the right way or time to greet people. They start greeting me and I feel ashamed that I didn't greet them first. I feel so awkward when I meet my friends' parents.

[xuhongmao]

Away from my birth family, I discovered that I am the life of the party. Years of snide comments and “You will see what’s in store for you, when we get home” kind of threats really takes toll on one’s true personality. It’s really strange to have parents who are jealous of the child.

[MsPingyin]

Social interaction has always been challenging and unnatural for me. I can do it, but it takes a lot of energy to "pretend" that I am normal, okay, put together, or genuinely interested in other people, which I don't. Yes, everyone seems to know those unwritten rules but me 😭Sometimes I do meet interesting people who share something in common but sadly, as I become more selective in choosing my friends, my circle is becoming smaller and smaller. Not sure if it's my unhealed CPTSD, or me being too critical. At least I now know this is "normal" and I can accept myself for being this way.

[-LACE-]

Wow, I cannot explain how much this helped me. Awkwardness is so isolating. Makes you feel like a bad person sometimes. Thank you.

[spacebar]

It’s crazy how an 8 minute video has provided this kind of clarity in my life

[caitlina]

My husband tells me I don't come across as awkward but especially in groups of people and unfamiliar situations, I clam up. I have such a hard time thinking of questions to ask people about themselves - my mind goes totally blank in social situations. I realize now that growing up, I never had opportunities to interact with family members in healthy ways. My dad was emotionally absent and my mom always dominated conversations talking about her own experiences. I was a flat, one dimensional character meant to reflect well on them and be present to absorb and cushion my mom's emotional whims. Being able to approach people and ask questions is the one skill I feel like I still don't have...it almost feels like that part of my brain is just missing.

[waggawaggaful]

I learned appropriate social behaviors by watching TV very closely as a child. It quickly became clear to me from studying the television that my family came nowhere close to meeting the "normal" standards set by society. It shocked me that they were also able to watch TV or observe how other people behave in public and yet were unable to model that behavior themselves in the privacy of their own homes. My dad was always very charming in public but a completely different person in private. I've only recently realized that narcissism runs strong on both sides of my family. Narcissists are perfectly aware that their behavior is immoral or unacceptable and they choose to wear a mask in public to hide their true nature.

[Gracie.Gardener]

My journey out of social awkwardness has been long and sometimes lonely. I’ve often wondered if I was on the spectrum. I still struggle in large groups but now I shine when I am one on one. My growth mostly resulted from repeatedly putting myself out there by practicing social niceties when it didn’t really matter (like at the grocery store).

[moniquemichelle]

You need to be on the National stage. I speak that into existence for you. People are suffering and have no idea why and you make it all make sense. Keep up the great work.

[orpha]

I have CPTSD. I isolate way too much. Now I am at the weird point. I am so desperately lonely.

[katiekittycat]

Yep, I've always been socially awkward, even though some people would tell you I don't seem that way. Inside, I am often feeling random shame no matter what situation I am in. I have declined invites due to this before, especially when I was younger.

[connect]

I just found out last year people actually have genuine relationships with their family members. It’s honestly sad that it’s so shocking to me when people tell me they hang out with their dad, or go workout with their mom or eat together. I remember being younger and actually having a good connection with my family, but eventually things got more busy, my parents aren’t home often. And every time I did see them and would try to talk to them, the conversation would immediately translate to school or of religious matter. It made me want to run away into my room everytime they came home since I never wanted to talk about that. Years down the line and I struggle to show those I care about appreciation, and I lack social skills. It’s sad because once you’re traumatized it doesn’t ever seem to go away.