Does childhood emotional neglect cause BPD? (borderline personality disorder)

Oftentimes I'll make a video about Childhood Emotional Neglect, and I get a slew of comments surrounding BPD or borderline personality disorder. Some people are confused as to whether they have childhood emotional neglect or BPD or perhaps they think they have both borderline personality disorder and childhood neglect. While not all emotional neglect results in BPD and not everyone with BPD has or had childhood emotional neglect, childhood emotional neglect can often be correlated with BPD. Let's dive deeper into what BPD or borderline personality is, along with what childhood emotional neglect is, and then talk through whether or not your childhood emotional neglect or childhood trauma resulted in BPD. We'll talk through different signs and symptoms of this, along with how to heal or begin healing from both. What has your experience been with BPD and emotional neglect? Let me know in the comments.

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[helenagackowska]

Yeah this is the biggest cause of my BPD and it's so frustrating how much people minimise emotional abuse and neglect!

[bonnkaner]

When I hear myself saying “I want to go home” (a sign that you feel unsafe or have no place to rest your soul) I just answer with “I know, it’s okay to feel like that”. This simple acknowledgment helps me to get up and carry on with my day.

[bokehintheussr]

As a male borderline it's very clear to me what the dynamic was: a genetic predisposition to emotional sensitivity, an emotionally neglectful environment in childhood, constant invalidation of my emotions and scapegoating in my teens leading to confusion an instability and outbursts of rage which worsened the dynamic of how I relate to myself and how others relate to me. And this is how it's been since. Essentially I have not been able to grow out of feeling like a confused and misunderstood teenager, even though I am now 35 years old. I get life together as best as I can and soldier on, but eventually the stress of just surviving gets too much, I self destruct and drive everyone away.

[janeharry]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[jennyroth]

I’m 66 and was given the bpd diagnosis at 33. I had a severe case but I pretty much denied it for the next 20 years, partly because I had serious medical problems and I didn’t have money for therapy. Once Obama care came along I went to therapy at 55, I stayed in it for 8 years, I saw my therapist 2 times a week plus group and NA meetings, we did dbt and emdr, all the early childhood abuse that I had stuffed came out and I dealt with it. It saved my life, I’m So much better now! I still have medical issues that are hard but I cope with them I believe in a healthy way. All the drugs, eating disorders and reckless living of my past did not help my health! I continue to work on my mental health mostly now through my lifestyle which includes a healthy diet, a sleep schedule that supports good sleep, getting out in nature, daily walks and some home exercise like yoga and strengthening, my dog brings me joy, I live very simply and do not stress over anything, I enjoy meditation and reading and listening to educational podcasts. I literally am not the same person! I do give myself a lot of self love and compassion and I practice radical forgiveness for self and others (no matter what) I work hard on keeping myself balanced and know it is something I have to do the rest of my life.

[Rob_]

I was literally today thinking that the emptiness I experience inside was caused by faulty mirroring from my distracted/addicted father who also struggled with unhealed childhood traumas and emotionally immature parents.

[MystearicaClaws]

Growing up I connected deeply with the 1982 Annie movie. I spent many a free time wishing my real parents would come get me. My dad still feels like he did his job. Roof over my head, food on my table, clothes on my back. I should be grateful.

My mother was volatile. My dysregulation would always upset her. Everything was my fault and on purpose. If there was stuff on my floor or walked out with bed head, she would get sick to her stomach. When I became a mother the only advice she gave me was, "don't do what I did?" But how? I had nothing to go on and ended up in an emotionally abusive marriage that compounded my issues, and in turn I ended up losing my shit on my girls too much. I tried really hard. And when i went homeless and thry went into foster care, they were given the healining resources, and i learned more by watching them step back from situations and calm down. I'm so proud of them and i hope our cycle ends with them.

[paigemalloy]

I try to offer myself self compassion, but I always get this huge, booming voice in my head telling me that I dont deserve it. . .

[Jennyfenty-nb]

Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.

[chrissy]

Your description of BPD fits me super well. I’ve felt I had something other than depression and anxiety. Often when I try to think what I want for my future, I can’t think past “what’s allowed?”

[BigLRestInPeace]

In Norway, BPD is now referred to as "emotionally unstable personality disorder". It seems to me that trouble regulating feelings is the main description, and that fear or abandonment and rejection comes "second" sort of.

[ThandiweBolsiek-ugog]

I think I'm always sabotaging my relationship because of my childhood trauma. And I'm always with people who are just like my primary caregiver. They aren't kind, they don't see me and they abandon me when I show emotions. I struggle with suicidal thoughts a lot. While I was working I uses to spend a lot on clothes, and I felt like that is not normal. Now I spend a lot of time in bed, depressed. I've isolated myself from the world.

[BethBTC]

Great video. I cried. So many memories. But really it is a good video.

Sadly I've been trying to heal for decades. Nothing works for me, therapy and meds. It's led me to have chronic active obsessive SI and many attempts. I started to think about it at a very young age. I turned to some of the worst coping methods to keep myself from being overwhelmed by the hopelessness and emptiness and physical/emotional pain. Intense pain. Idk.

My life was filled with distrust, neglect, 6 years of SA starting at 5yrs old, physical abuse like beatings and such, no friends, being treated like I'm a burden to everyone, and all around a hell childhood. I was unwanted, told many times about that. A mistake, as my mom told me. On a "family" road trip, my mom dragged me out of the van and told me to stay there. That I was "Deadname nobody." They then left me on the side of a highway that was over 1, 000 miles away from where we lived. 10 to 15 minutes later they came back for me. But I was like 7.

Teen years was slightly better, I wasn't experiencing SA at least. School was a shit show. Again, no friends. No partners. I spent all my time with teachers and helping them. I cleaned the science classes gerbil cage almost every 3 or so days for like, an entire school year? Idk. Lol.

Um, since, my mom had a stroke. Recovered from it. I tried to join the US Marines, messed up my knees and back. Then met a partner who had a new born daughter, I helped to raise her (honestly I did everything for her over the two years I was with them both while her mother played games on PC and talking to men) but that little girl was my daughter. And, her mom took her away from me but only after she cheated on me with another person while I watched our daughter in the other room. Next day I made an attempt to jump but was stopped by police who shot me with a taser and then charged me with the crime of lying to police. And, like, I was literally in a mental breakdown and they still are like, yup, throw the book at that person. It made things worse on me. Idk.

I still live with my mom. It's been another 10+ years since all this. Idk. I'm in a completely hopeless place now. I have a pain all over my body. Back and knees are the worst of course. Migraines. I'm allergic to everything. I'm AMAB and trying to get treatment for that but I'm looking at another 3 to 5 years. Idk. I hate my face. I can't look in the mirror. I hate my body. I HATE my genitals and have been considering taking a knife to them. I hate everything about me. And I've been thinking about stopping it all lately. Just, I want the pain to stop. I want to be free. I need to be free. I don't think anyone can realize how much tranquility I feel as I look over the edge after such a long time of feeling empty or sad or hopeless or pain. So much pain. And not knowing who you are. I have no personality. I play games all day. I do nothing now. I'm worthless. I still feel like a child. I don't think I ever grew up. I fear everything. Shadows in the night. Fear that he is going to find me. I have a severe fear of men. Sex repulses me.

Idk. Anyway, thanks for the video. I can totally relate to so much of what was said. But, I'm gonna stop writing now. It's already long enough.

Hope all of you, Kati and everyone else, have a wonderful and pleasant rest of your summer and great holidays throughout the rest of the year. Take care!

[Phoenix]

I’m in DBT therapy (helps a lot) and I’ve been thinking about this very topic a lot! Thank you 🙏🏽

[bluecarrie]

Thank you so much for sharing this information. I used to struggle so much with just accepting the diagnosis of BPD. Then a therapist friend explained to me thst BPD is a response to abuse so that was when my thoughts about my diagnosis finally shifted more towards acceptance...i still struggle because of the stigma of having BPD but i have always been a "quiet " bpd. I always turned things on myself and attacked myself more than lashing out at other people. I spent a couple years in dbt therapy and I am able to manage my suicidal thoughts much better now even though I'm still in therapy but im ok with thst and my therapist is very supportive of m. I just moved out of adult foster care after 6 years and I know that ill be able to stay safe now.

[mangantasy]

My mother had BPD. She had the diagnosis late, when I was around 17, and after a rough divorce and a burnout (I think the additional stressors of all that change, including my mental health issues showing through anorexia, were like the last straw). Both the stigma and the issues were very real. I know her parents failed her, in so many ways. Besides all her "shenanigans" (she had alcohol and medical drug abuse issues too. And I'm absolutely convinced she did that to "feel calmer". SHe learned it young. In fact her mother literally taught her so at age 16. "Have a glass of wine and you'll feel better"...) I allways felt deep empathy for her. Maybe even too much concerning my own boundaries and wellbeing. I have severe issues myself (AVPD and more. I can relate to a lot in this video, but react very differently to most of it), partly for what my childhood was like in return. (I'll end the circle by not having children)
I'm a little worried bout my 2 nieces (my sister's, who is my only sibling, daughters). They are only 19m and 4y, and their dad allways seems rather unpatient and not too empathetic around them. Like telling the 4 yo things like "nobody in the whole world cares about what you have to say". Both their parents are quite rough with language too (Like "shut up!" even to the 19m). Yeah, and they have loose hands.... Breaks my heart every time. And reminds me so painfully of my own childhood. I shower these sweet little beans with love and attention whenever I can.
But I'm digressing. Sorry for that.

Sending a big package of empathy to all you BPD people out there. I've witnessed first hand how much of a struggle that condition can be.

[kimlec]

Neglect is abuse. Plain & simple. People do not grow up able to cope with life unless there is extended family or friends or kind neighbours who can notice & care for a child or children.

[ResortDog]

That would explain it. I try to avoid as many people as possible to reduce risk of it being proven again. So now I beat myself up. Good luck with the next few decades. YOU ARE loved despite not seeing it.

[albertmarnell]

I remember my mother ignoring many things that happened to me at age 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and later. She had money and was more concerned about looking like Zsa Zsa Gabor than her little boy feeling abandoned and scared. My father never showed emotional support. He only yelled at me or severely beat me. I have abandonment issues even at 69 years of age. Though no stranger to psychotherapy, it saddens me that I still have significant issues. I'm also very bright-observant and find most people to be very average in intelligence. This makes me feel even more alone. I can not relate to people that don't have the intelligence to "Notice Things". I notice everything. That can be an asset and a liability.

[onngcin]

This was—yes, a hard pill to swallow since i empathize with so much of it but also really comforting and validating. I would love to see more videos on BPD. Thank you for your dedication and care towards these heavy subjects.