When You Can't Remember Childhood Trauma

Dialoging Worksheet from Shame Webinar:

Writing Prompts:

1) How does my family respond when I question abuse or problems?
2) How do my parents do with their partnerships and intimacy?
3) Does my parent or parents really see me for who I am? How and why?
4) Do they show up for me in ways that I need? Who shows up for who more? How and why?
5) Does it feel like I’m an alien in my family system? How and why?
6) How does my family system manage present conflict. Is it mature and healthy?
7) How does my family talk about my childhood?
Are they defensive or don’t remember themselves, or
assume normalcy because basic needs were met?

Additional thoughts:

*If you struggle with severe dissociative problems such as extreme numbness or depersonalization or derealization I don't recommend pursuing childhood trauma work without doing work around emotional regulation and grounding skills. There is a time for everything.

Some factors that can complicate this issue on memory loss.
*You are the expert. In no way does this video intend to implant, suggest or confuse. Again - it's what the system is like in the present.
*Humans can loose the memories or the quality of memories over time.*Sometimes childhood is so uneventful that we don’t remember huge issues because it was uneventful which may be a problem unto itself such as extreme neglect. *Sometimes there is so much stress and trauma that children dissociate and detach.

In this video we cover: repressed memories, memory, flashbacks, triggers, toxic family systems, boundaries, truth, childhood trauma, inner child, inner child work, c-ptsd, ptsd, toxic parents, narcissistic abuse, healing, abusive parents, emotional abuse, childhood ptsd, repressed memories, hypervigilance, narcissistic parents, emotionally abusive parents, child abuse, narcissistic father, childhood emotional neglect, abuse, narcissistic mother, eating disorders, alcoholism, scapegoat, genogram, siblings, dissociation, trauma

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
1:06 About Working With Memory Problems for Childhood Trauma
3:21 We Are Dissociated From Our Childhood Story
5:07 The Goal Is Not Getting the Memories Back
6:09 Connect With Me
6:51 Two Hypothetical Case Examples
8:38 Family Map - Genogram
14:40 Family Map - Genogram 2
18:03 Working On the System In Therapy
19:22 Your Triggers Tell Your Story Too
20:34 How to Work On Embracing What You Do Know
22:30 Closing Thoughts
23:05 Outro

Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings

MUSIC IS BY - Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream

Opening footage - creek in Appalachia

⚠️ Disclaimer

My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.

If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[MariaMMCardoso]

"People will forget what you said and done but will always remember how you made them feel" Maya Angelou

[artisnotaboutart]

I’m actually terrified of uncovering what might’ve happened. So to anyone feeling like this, you’re not alone.

[plursocks]

As someone who forgot their trauma only to remember it later... sometimes it's better not to remember and just work on healing where you are. Trust me.

[mewmixify]

One of the saddest parts of losing memories is that you lose the good along with the bad. I recently recovered just a few happy moments of my childhood and it made me feel so much more grounded. I’m praying for more memories to surface. I know I can handle them now (even awful memories) with my support systems in place, and they help me feel more integrated as an adult.

[grass]

It's even worse when your parents try to gaslight you into believing that you're exaggerating, ungrateful, or that the few things you do remember never happened. It makes that lingering doubt in your own judgment that much worse.

[amycuaresma]

Feeling safe in someone’s energy is a different kind of intimacy. That feeling of peace and protection is really underrated.

[natedawg]

"Just getting through childhood as opposed to taking it in" damn that one hits hard

[toorealformyowngood]

Something new that may explain a lot of us is CEN- Childhood Emotional Neglect. Our parents did all the necessary basics for us and our care, but were unable to gauge us when we needed them in an emotional manner, like support or talking about something. Everything will be fine, they'd say, and never assisted us with any real solutions. Look into it, it made so much sense to me. #HumanRace 🙏🏿🙏🏾🙏🏽🙏🙏🏼🙏🏻

[lauralucreziamartell]

I absolutely fall into the category of people who feel "I wasn't sufficiently abused to suffer from childhood trauma." This makes me reticent to seek a group therapy situation.

[amycuaresma]

You’re too sensitive = You won’t let me disrespect you.

[TheTabascodragon]

I have early childhood memories that lead me to believe that I was raped. I was so young though (probably younger than 5) that I can't remember the incident itself, just a bit of the aftermath. I feel really awkward trying to explain to someone the feeling of being traumatized by something I can't fully remember. I feel really stupid and wonder if it's just false memories and I'm just wrong about the whole thing. I feel like if it's not true and I tell a therapist that it is that I'd be somehow wronging "real" rape victims. It's a very trapping feeling.

[MentalWellnessWithWaihiga]

For the longest time I just used to say 'I had a good childhood. My parents were good. I'm the one that messed up ' and I truly believed that for all these years. Yet My childhood memories only start at age 9 and they are not happy ones. It's always me locking myself up in my room alone, listening to emo music. Alone. Crying.

[biancasenisi]

Thank you for this video. I recently asked my therapist "What are most people's childhood memories like?" Because mine are like islands of very specific memories unconnected from each other, with deep gaps of nothingness in between. The memories I have are often descriptive such as what I did, not how I felt. He told me that based on what I've told him about my family, he's not surprised by that at all. I'd been telling myself that either there must be something wrong with my ability to form memories, or maybe everyone remembers their childhood as vague, hazy, and emotionless. It was eye opening to hear that that is not the case, and that he could tell what my childhood must have been like just based on the information I gave him about my family dynamic in the present.

[ReforeSetka]

I find that for me, I remember things randomly after talking about childhood. It's like a door I don't have a key to? Someone else does. And sometimes the door will open and I can see inside it, then it shuts again. Sometimes, rarely, the door is stuck open and it can't be shut again. This was a really helpful and validating video :, ) thank you

[jameseglavin]

This describes me right down to the ground. For a long time I didn’t think enough bad things happened to me to be labeled ‘abuse’ because I couldn’t quickly recall a convincing number of anecdotes. In reality, I had an extremely avoidant attachment style and an expert-level ability to detach from myself when traumatized or triggered. People around me still know the names of their second grade teachers, or what year they went on that one vacation, or what age they were when some historical event occurred. I literally thought I was a year older than I really was for almost a year, because my grasp of timelines is so bad - which is also important to acknowledge - that when you carry trauma with you, it continues to effect you until you deal with it.

[Liam-jjpo]

it makes me feel sad when people tell childhood stories because I can't join in.

I can barely even remember anything anyway and I hate trying because all the bad memories come flooding back.

[nancylpr]

Huge chunks missing. It’s really embarrassing when I talk to people from my childhood and they’ll go into an elaborate story about something we did or things that happened in school and I just don’t remember.
All I could think about was what kind of Hell was going to be going on when I got home from school.

[evagabrysova]

"It was my family, it was my experiences, it was my life, but what do I know about it?" Absolutely on point, this is how I still feel.

[starlingswallow]

I only have one memory of my mom "protecting me". My dad put his hands on my neck and slammed me against our dining room wall. After she got me out of the house, I have no memory of a talk afterwards. My family liked to ignore what happened and go back to being "normal".
Patrick, thank you for this video. I have many blank spaces of memories. 😢😖

[kseniakirs]

I recently had the worst flashback I’ve ever had and it just broke me. If I did remember my childhood, I wouldn’t be able to function anymore.