Surviving Infidelity: What Do We Tell the Kids?

When children find out about their parent’s infidelity, it’s like an atom bomb is set off within the family. If children discover the infidelity, and are at an age where they can understand what’s truly happened, it only adds to the devastation. But how will they process it? How will they see life and marriage as they get older? What if the relationship doesn’t survive, how will the kids see each parent? Today I’ll share my experience over almost 4 decades of caring for families in crisis due to infidelity and addiction along with insight into how to frame it your kids.

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“The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.”
- Amanda, Florida

HEAL with Affair Recovery:

[PJHEATERMAN]

My girls were 5 and 2 years old. I hid her infidelity and my emotions. They learned later in their adult lives what happened. Thier mother told them her version to save her reputation. I told them the truth and they were shocked not only what she did but how she did it. Our kids love us both but after what i suffered through (Major trauma) i felt the truth was important.

[philliphall]

This does make me feel better about how my daughters will grow and see both of us for whatever choices we will or have made.

[FloMorganBuffaloBills]

I was so blessed my parents showed love for each other throughout their lives together. They raised 7 kids in a house, together, cooked, cleaned, danced, hugged, kissed, sang, and we always ate as a family. They taught us marriage was a partnership, each doing 100% of their share. I wish my wayward would have had my childhood. Because, yes I am being selfish here, I would not be going through this hell again with a second husband, and his second d day. I have done everything I can to help him heal from his past, now the job is his to finish.

[cewilliamsable]

The kids are the hardest part of dealing with infidelity. My daughter asked me with tears in her eyes, to stay and it hurt... but I couldn't tell her no.

[thrivinginlight-protectyou]

I've watched most of the Affair Recovery videos -- all very good. You can try all you want, with all your heart and soul to wish and work for reconciliation. However, the minute they say, "No, I will not stop seeing the affair person" then, all is lost for a marriage. My ex left me for the affair partner. Married her. Divorced her and returned to me ... then left me AGAIN for her. He uses God as his reason to leave. What a perfect way to avoid accountability.

[abolitionsocietyofwestvirg]

8 affairs in 12 years and unwilling to get help for her intimacy disorder plus very little remorse I’d say that’s the whole book. The modeling I’d like to do is how to kick people who are harmful to you out of your life. This behavior is harmful to the kids but all I ever hear is “don’t badmouth your spouse to the kids.” I think I need to point out to the kids to avoid people like her and why.

[Out_and_Back]

This is helpful in situations where the couple stayed together. How do you approach this and the kids when the unfaithful spouse leaves and marries the affair partner? How do you teach resilience and mark the infidelity as just a chapter when the book has cemented the affair partner in the story indefinitely?

[jamesdavies]

would like advice, I am a 30 year old single man with Asperger's who has never before been in a relationship with a female. Recently I have starting seeing my postwoman who is 33 years old and has been married for just 2 years, She is very unhappy with her marriage her husband changed his job and is away a lot, we have always been chatty, she told she has become attracted to me, I feel the same, I don't love her and she doesn't love me I am sure. She has been encouraging and enticing me into having a fling/affair, Do you think I should stop seeing her? She said the life has gone out of her marriage I don’t love her.