How Does the Unfaithful Spouse View the Betrayed Spouse Who Chooses to Stay in the Marriage?

Today Samuel answers a popular question from betrayed spouses.

- What kind of affair was it?

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- Amanda, Florida

HEAL with Affair Recovery:

[crystalynwilliams]

The unfaithful spouse showed a lack of respect by cheating. And once the betrayed decides to stay and work on the marriage, the unfaithful will show even less respect. My now ex-husband became an absolute monster as soon as I decided to forgive him. He actually went back to his affair partner and maintained a relationship with both of us until I discovered it again and decided to leave him permanently. It hurts but it was the best decision for my mental health. Staying is not a sign of strength.

[kjbrocky]

The betrayer doesn't deserve to have peace again. Do you know that there is no worse pain than being betrayed by the person you trusted??

[freedomfields]

I stayed. I did the work. I fought really hard. And I won, for a moment. Then he did it again.

[andrealaskowski]

"Will I find in my spouse what I found in my affair partner?" is this really what my husband is thinking? SO I was truly NOT ENOUGH FOR HIM. 10 months Post D-day and I am sort of disgusted with these thoughts... when it comes to questions of 'Will I will get over this" of course I can if my husband is sincere, but if he is trying to look for things in me he found in his AP then he is at a loss. I was not her and will never be. I am only ME! Yeah this isn't sitting well with me.

[ReneeLoves]

I don't believe this is true for most unfaithful. They are just glad they got away with it, and will be more cautious when cheating next time.

[Ladyhotfire]

Oh man…this is sad and just shows why cheating is not worth it. It can never be the same. How exhausting for the cheater and the victim.

[georgevue]

I tried to forgive my wife for the sake of our son but after 15 years she is still as cold as ice & now that our son is grown I am leaving her. Looking back I wished I left the moment I found out of her betrayal.

[heidiungaro]

I feel you missed the mark on this one because I didn’t hear feelings of remorse, or possible fear of losing the betrayed, I didn’t hear respect or gratitude for the betrayed decision to stay. This just did not sit well with me for some reason🙏🏻

[soundnin]

She is in awe of you because you have taken accountability for what you did... Most cheaters just want to sweep it under the rug. You are the exception.

[deanarjones]

In both of my experiences the disrespect got even worse and I was slowly treated worse and worse until there was no respect, no loyalty and a lot of cruelty and indifference to my feelings and worth.

[PreppyFrenchFriez]

Ouch. Can the unfaithful get over it?? They did it. Can he find in me, the betrayed, what he found in his affair partner?!? If this is what he's really thinking, I'm not sure I want to forgive anymore. Just wow

[xoxo-vpww]

NEVER EVER AGAIN!! I use to think ‘the enemy’ was attacking my marriage until I realized he was the enemy. Prayed, forgave, and loved unconditionally only to finally come to the conclusión that men don’t want to be forgiven. They made a decision and they executed and were fully prepared for the consequences so why in the world would we ‘forgive’ that?? 🤦‍♀️ Still trying to forgive myself to ever allowing this to happen. Smh.

[tkoborny]

My husband got a friend of mine pregnant. He begged me to stay but I couldn’t imagine a life constantly worrying about him cheating with her. Also there would be a walking talking reminder of his affair. She would also always have reason to see him. He and I had no children together we were blending a family. I left moved 1500 miles away and for months he would call and ask me to come home. I couldn’t so he married this woman and she has made his life miserable. It’s been years and I’m still hurt and angry. We had a good relationship and enjoyed our life together until he betrayed me. I miss him, I miss our life and I know she intentionally did this. I have not been able to trust again I wish I could forget those years. He was a great father to my children he instilled good values in them and always showed how important they were to him. So they were also hurt. I misjudged his character and my friend’s character I don’t see how they can respect and trust each other. I know I’m missing a life that never actually was real. I’m still angry though.

[alisonjones]

Just reading through the comments and it is clear to see that the majority of the unfaithful are too selfish and self-entitled to even acknowledge, empathise with what they have put the betrayed through. They just don’t get how soul destroying, it is. How it demeans us, how hard we have to fight to heal so much damage, just for us to feel like a sensual, attractive woman or man again. Two years on from D day and he is still ambivalent, saying through the dynamics of our relationship he doesn’t see me like the other women (plural) that he sees himself more the child and me the adult/parent. 30 years we have been together, he never treated me the way he did I love romance....and everything that goes with it. 🤷‍♀️

[denislegeev]

Well, you can be sure about one thing- there's going to be even more disrespect for "choosing to stay"

[watitduful]

While I haven’t engaged in adultery I can speak on this. I can do so from the perspective of having numerous opportunities to be the other guy. Even at my current workplace, there’s at least 7 married women who’ve made passes at me & if I wanted to, could engage them. From a baseline carnal standpoint, the temptations are there BUT because of my rooting in being taught about Jesus it’s stopped me from doing so. Also, I’m an empathic person. I understood that I would feel terrible about contributing to the destruction of ones marriage and family unit and even more so the destruction of my soul. It’s not worth it. That’s not to say I’m holier than thou but it’s all a choice.

Part of why I’m so against it is because most of the men in my family are/were adulterers. I knew something was off about that and I saw how it affected the family and others. Affairs never end well folks.

The above is not a bragging thing as much as it is a testament about how God can work. Here it is that I have opportunities to engage in adultery & fulfill lustful pleasures but I’m choosing, for the sake of Jesus and not myself, to say no and carry onward. I’ve had some of these married women actually get upset with me behind that. Imagine what it would’ve been like if I would’ve said yes and then eventually cut them off? It would’ve been worse.

To engage would open me up to susceptibility due to delving into the enemy’s realm at that point. At that point I wouldn’t be a victim but a survivor of my bad choices and judgements. We can’t play with fire and act shocked when we get burned. That’s what it boils down to.

For those who are the unfaithful, let my story be proof to you that it’s possible to say no despite the temptation. For those of you engaging in that currently, I pray for you and ask sincerely that you please stop and return to your spouse. The carnal temptation is not worth it. Leave it alone and go back on the right track. That’s what God wants for you. He doesn’t want you to be a cautionary tale. He wants you to be a testament for His glory! God bless and peace.

[lchase]

One more thing...as an unfaithful there's no getting over what I've done the damage to my spouse. The hardest parr is knowing the emoitiinal affair wasn't worth this devastation and i knew it wouldn't be. No one evee views these videos prior to engaging in a relationship outside of a marriage, but all married couples should

[rakhmianwar]

I wish this is the case in every unfaithful person. What I experience thus far is endless selfishness and carelessness of the betrayed's true needs.

[gailjones]

I wonder how many women who are cheated on are there simply because of finances fear and their children? With cheating, the foundation is broken and sometimes it is never repaired. You need to forgive your cheating spouse to free yourself it is your choice to stay or go adultery frees you from the marriage.

[stevealvin]

I know women are so gifted with the way they forgive infidelity and move on and completely let go of whatsoever.... But believe me, once a man's pride in his woman is corrupted by thoughts of another man holding her in his arms, Men literally never heal from it, Sister that man will stay, but things will never be the same again, it might take your energy trying to fix things in vain...

For the case of women, they will always bring it back every time you fault them.... For me when am cheated on, i leave, i heal, i rediscover my self, find some space and then probably love can find me again, its tricky when children are involved, but NO ONE DESERVES TO BE CHEATED ON... And nO ONE SHOULD DESERVE TO EXPERIENCE THAT PAIN.. Its hectic.