What To Do if Your Spouse Cheats

If you came to Dr. Peterson as a client of his clinical practice, this is how he would help you. First, you need to know what happened and the significance of the event.

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[KaiserN]

Cheating is not a mistake. It’s a bad decision.

A mistake is forgetting to turn off the oven. A bad decision is knowingly leaving the oven on when you leave the house. Cheating is a conscious decision. There is never an excuse.

[Dee-O]

My suggestion is to divorce a cheating spouse, the first time. I forgave it and reconciled in 2015. In 2021, she did it again. We finalized divorce last week.

[dawninkster]

My dad constantly cheated on my mother throughout their 40+ years together. It just became easier for him each time. I kept asking my mother why she accepted this behaviour and stayed in the marriage with a cheater, her response was because she loves him. May I never find myself in that kind of a marriage.

[ovbzyhi]

My husband said he's sorry he made a mistake. I said the only mistake you made was getting caught. I left him. Thank you, Jordan 🙏

[BrandonCourt]

He says it's highly unlikely the relationship could be recovered. Instead it's more important to understand how and why this happened and what your role in it was - if you don't do this properly it will happen again. So just dumping them isn't enough, you need to dump your old self too which isn't as simple.

[austinduvall]

as someone who walked into the room while the mother of my child was having sex with her coworker right next to my son, i can say this helped me alot. its not just me that is hurting. hundreds of thousands people are hurting just like me. god bless u jordan peterson

[juliepmagic]

I was 4 months pregnant with the love of my life's baby when he admitted he had cheated on me 6 months prior whilst away with work. I was shattered. As Jordan said, "To betray someone who deeply trusts you, is to demolish the foundation of the relationship itself." In my mind, I had left the relationship then and there. I had no idea what to do with that, how to 'fix it' or if I ever could fix it. We stayed together for a few more years, but to me his cheating meant I wasn't 'his girl' any more, nor was I ever.

[oprunxj]

That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your videos are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *Brian hacks online*

[levilam]

Breach of trust... to the curb... you'd never trust that person again....

[MozerinMozers]

Was watching this video 3 months ago and desperately hoped I could save my marriage after my wife cheated. Thousands of dollars in marriage counseling later, I’ve learned once a cheater always a cheater. Hard pill to swallow but save yourself the trouble and move on.

[maylynbayani]

When I got married, I told my husband: "I trust only once and never again."

It is impossible not to see them and yourself in a different light.

[cookinmum]

I will never forget this segment of Jordan’s talk ever. I played it aloud with my adult daughter next to me. We had a very long conversation about it afterwards. I had quite a few revelations about my past because of this clip. Betrayal ( in its many forms ) is a dark and deadly force and few can withstand the shattering it causes. It is not only whether you can ever forgive, for me it is also if you can piece yourself back together again and still remain mostly who you were before and somehow trust again. On the matter of infidelity for me is that it would be over.

[ronondex]

Cheating in a relationship is an unforgivable betrayal of trust that can not be remedied, at least for me.
There is no excuse for it and, again for me, marks your character as a person as flawed beyond redemption, in the regards to an relationship.

[angierobinson]

Narcissists are really great at finding depressed spouses and take advantage of this vulnerability. I’ve seen it happen so many times.

[stop_tryharding]

Speaking from experience, I think the biggest danger in 'forgiveness' is that you don't forgive at all, and you use the betrayal as a license to exact your own revenge, which is a far worse poison than the betrayal itself. When the relationship is done, and it will be, you're not only left to pick up the pieces of your life, but to also live with what you allowed yourself to become as a result.

[Random_person]

To summarize:
JP said no.
To make the answer a little longer: You can forgive her and work your way towards regaining the trust in people. The thing is that this new trust requires courage and is often way better when you choose another person to trust (basically not your spouse). So you basically can be the luckiest person in the world and be able to go through the crisis with your partner, but that's nearly impossible.

He didn't say this exactly but the true answer would be to let her/him go and build courage to substitute your naivety as the first step to be able to trust someone again.
Best wishes.

[youdontneedmyrealname]

True loyalty is hard to come by in today's world.

[ahmadsultan]

I wish therapists, psychotherapists, psychologists and clinical psychotherapists had an inch of the care and thought this person has towards humanity in general!! The depth he went to is astounding, and the dissecting of the issue at hand in such an interesting and fascinating way left me speechless! I am looking forward to his talk in Norway, this spectacular and pure human being is a god given gift! ❤

[agape]

It’s not about the affair.
It’s NEVER about the affair.
It goes way deeper than that.
Lack of self reflection plays a huge part.
Love the way J.P pulls it apart layer by layer and he’s absolutely spot on.
People are so unconscious that when something like this occurs, they’re thrown for a six.

[m.p.]

In the case of my maternal grandmother, I had been told after the death of her second husband (my grandpa) he had once cheated on her and, after she learnt it, she had told him she wasn't scared to divorce a second time (her first husband was an abusive drunkard and divorcing him had already brought her the courage to respect herself), even though she was a Catholic believer in the early 70s and my mom was still a baby. One of her widowed sister was even ready to take her and my mom under her wing. Luckily for my grandpa, he woke up and understood how wrong he had been, courted again and reconquered my grandma after a lot of time and hard work. Then, he never stopped treating his wife and my mom like queens, learnt to cook himself, helped cleaning the house and worked harder at his job to afford and create a better loving home. He would never spare any expense to make his wife and daughter happy, like I was told. Still, my grandma then told me he was a rare exception worth forgiving once, and not all men would have worked so hard on their mistake at the time.