Signs A Dismissive Avoidant Misses You (After A Breakup) | Dismissive Avoidant Attachment

In this video I go over what a healthy response to the dismissive avoidant's deactivating strategies looks like.

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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel and thank you for stopping by!

This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll recieve an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.

Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!

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#Relationships #DismissiveAvoidant #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #PDS #ThaisGibson #AttachmentStyles #Love #Dating #Romance #Breakups

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[kayann]

“They miss you but THEY AREN’T WILLING TO DO THE WORK…”

Say it louder for the folks in the back 👏👏👏

[youraphrodisiac.]

I want to tell everyone here
It’s not your responsibility to fix a person
Let them do their own work

[SK-nopp]

As Nietzsche says: Hope, in reality is the worst of all evils, it prolongs the torment of man.

[polo]

I think in most of the cases they are not willing to do the work because they are not even AWARE that they are dismissive avoidants. They look for the smallest flaws in their partner just to have a "reason" to leave the relationship, come back to their own "safe space" and to racionalise their decisision

[howtosober]

It doesn't matter if they miss you now if they didn't show up for you when they had you. Take the lessons, heal yourself, and find someone secure. Have compassion from a distance. An unhealed DA is nothing but a recipe for misery.

[justafification]

After a 5 year long relationship with a narcissist I've 'upgraded' to dating a DA. The amount of pain and abandonment I put myself through left me completely broken. Every single time when I would try to have a heart to heart conversation about us, both of them would blow up, in a slightly different way but still a blow up. No matter how vulnerable I was my feelings were always disregarded. Once I sent my DA a text saying 'when you go MIA I for days i feel abandoned and it hurts me', he replied 'OK'... People rarely change and they need to do it for themselves, they won't do it for you. The amount of pain, abandonment and rejection i went through almost broke me. My biggest lesson is set your standards, trust your first instinct and cut people off quickly if things seem off. Lots of love to you all x

[SK-nopp]

Yes, I get a random text, a link to a song, a meme, but nothing “emotional” it’s hard to constantly carry a superficial convo. Empathy isn’t a badge of honor... it’s also a trauma response. Most empaths have codependent traits and don’t know how to assert boundaries without feeling bad. These videos have helped me so much.

[kalifornia]

This happened to me. They reached out with vulnerability, even said how much they wanted it to work, we got back together, they weren’t willing to lift a finger for the relationship and after one conversation about my needs, I was broken up with. Run.

[Stella-cvmc]

Just an anectode for anyone who considers getting back with a DA:
My ex (who's definitely a strong DA) reached out to me with vulnerability. We met up an discussed all the things that went wrong, he was honest, insightful and capable of communication, so I gave the relationship another chance.
The weeks after that the conversations got less and less vulnerable. After 3 months I finally asked "what are we?" and he was like "I can't commit, it's not the right time".
Even though I was kinda emotionally prepared for this, it still tore me apart. I regret that I got my hopes up at all.
Still healing from this. It's been half a year.
From what I've heard, DAs behave like that a lot. So please remember this story and don't get your hopes up too much.

[OregonSingles]

I asked for the bare minimum emotionally, I got less than that from my ex-DA and he still considered it being an "emotional pillar." It hurts so bad but this relationship taught me about relationship attachment styles and I'll be mindful next time. I didn't want him for a lesson, I wanted him for a lifetime but I respect his actions, his lack of.

[healingwavehypnosis]

What sucks about this dynamic is that the more they like you, the more terrified they are. It's painful. But ultimately they have to be able and willing to work this out themselves. And here you are spending time watching videos on how to understand them, and what are they actually doing? I have been no contact from my DA for 6 weeks. He has started to like photos. He has told mutual friends that I'm amazing but that things moved too fast. He sent me a message saying he is available to talk if I want to, but I don't. He already said enough by telling me that it was too hot and heavy at the beginning, that he wants to meet my needs but can't.

At no point has he taken any accountability for his behavior, he just says he is "broken." Until he reaches out to have an actual conversation with me, there will be no moving forward between us, even as friends. I needed the no contact more than him, just to realize that he can never give me what I want and need. I feel sorry for him because he will never find someone to really be intimate with, because he just can't. Whatever his parents did to make him like this, it's devastating. But it's not my problem.

I wish I would have learned about attachment styles before that relationship. I'd never experienced anything like this! I'd never felt myself so anxiously attached - maybe one other time and I'm 40 years old with many boyfriends in my past!

[brandywilliams]

Yeah, do they miss YOU, or do they miss what you were DOING for them? That's how I view it because there's no effort to change their behavior.

[minas.a.]

I followed your advice from your video “reconciling with a dismissive avoidant ex” and had that talk with my ex last night (we formulated questions and answered them a week later) and he literally said what you were explaining in this video! he said that he loves me and misses me but ultimately showed me that he wasn’t really willing to do the work. He sort of shut down like he usually does and said that he is afraid that he will not have enough emotional availability, that he’s always been like this and that he will most likely be alone for the rest of his life. He’s very conflicted.

Ideally, like you said in this video, you want the love to outweigh the fear and it’s ok to start the conversation/lead the process to doing the work but not to be fooled by the truth of the matter.

We were in classic, toxic anxious-avoidant relationship and I am 100% putting in the work to be more secure and learning about my myself and what a healthier relationship looks like, etc everyday. Unfortunately He doesn’t do what I do (self-reflect, therapy, relationship podcasts and videos) and I used to hate him for it, until I realized that he shows up in other ways, such as being willing to have last nights conversation, sometimes watching a YouTube video I sent him, or the chapter on avoidants in the book Attached. I do love him and hope we can work through this but this whole process (of becoming my secure and learning about myself) has shown me to also value myself and if he cannot put in the work.. well then I have to move on. Relationships aren’t perfect and they take a lot of work, but not in a way that you lose who you are. Everything he says or does, or lack there of, I check with myself. I don’t take it as personal as before when I was anxious but now as a matter whether or not it meets my needs or if I’m at risk at losing who I am and everything I’ve worked on up to this point.

Hope is a dangerous and wonderful trait to have, if used correctly but the truth is that majority of us never had proper role models and do not know how to go about romantic relationships. I thank God for you and the other relationship gurus I follow everyday because I wouldn’t be where I am today!

[cerenkoca]

To my dear APs and FAs, please do not bend and break yourself trying to “wait” or change yourself to “make them feel better”. You will betray your own needs and the DA can only change if they want to for themselves. If you see them promise and break that promise over and over then its time to set your boundaries and focus on yourself.

[jillainenewman]

After spending 6 months chasing one of these guys and waiting for him to open up (he never did, of course), I really don't know why anyone would want a DA to miss them. Look, these are people as worthy of compassion as anyone and I wish them the best, but if you want a relationship LOOK ELSEWHERE. They will not change.

[samanthamatthews]

Thais, please, please, PLEASE, do a video about how those with empathy, and the habit of seeing the other’s perspective, have a tendency to let their boundaries be crossed and the behaviors continue. Love your videos!

[flower_]

As a healing FA I refuse to waste my energy for unhealthy people who don't know what they really want or can't communicate.
I love your courses, they helped me a lot 🤗

[estherh.]

Truth!
1. He liked my posts and watched my stories (didn't watch my stories prior to the break-up)
2. He reached out directly with a very slight emotional component and some vulnerability
Bonus: he turned out to be committed to doing the work. Even though he does have fears around commitment, his feelings for me are bigger 🤗

[julievazquez]

6:15 "Sometimes, especially with really empathetic people, you can get 'trapped, ' in a way, of seeing and understanding that person's perspective so much that it allows you to justify their behavior."

Wow! This is me! This is so helpful and insightful! It is so easy for me to understand the other person's perspective that I lose myself. Thank you! If I can start working on this, this could be a game changer for me. Thank you, Thais!

[e.j.]

I was engaged and we called it off just 3 months before the wedding, because he couldn't carry the insecurity into the marriage (which i didn't even know until a year later). This year we started to talk again and he came back to me with so much more attention and love until I asked if he will give up on us again. I needed assurance and again, he couldn't handle the stress and pressure. I asked him to seek discernment from God and ask himself what he really wants. As a result, he broke my heart again and this time he literally crushed it. Right after the phone call, I blocked him and I do not wish to talk to him ever again. I realized I am not responsible for his happiness but I am responsible for my own happiness.