Why does the Narcissist hoover 3 years after the discard phase? Dear Mental Healness Episode 9

In today's episode we talk about how a possible narcissist or toxic person comes back after 3 years, after discarding her for a new supply.

Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.

The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.

Thank you so much

[heavenlyprecog]

“If another woman steals your man, there’s no better revenge than to let her have him” 😊😊😊

[pattikakes]

My narc returned 7 years later... after our divorce he moved to a different state far ... now 7 years later he has the audacity to move right next door to me with his wife and kid! We literally share the lawn. And the fact that his wife is OK with this (and yes she knows I'm his ex wife!) Blows my mind... I can't... we don't have any ties nor kids... these narcissists are on a whole other strand of crazzyyyy.

[ipclofm]

When you start looking better, doing better, earning better or with a better loving stable partner - Narc will come back to sabotage your happiness... If you're still healing, broke, depressed, need support, need financial help, in other words, if you're still stuck & have nothing to offer - Narc would avoid you, most probably...

[lilrosetattoo]

My ex came back after 3 years. Gave me the “I want to treat the people in my life better” then proceeded to act the EXACT same way he was before. Then I read him the riot act of the awful pathetic person he was and he bounced. I’m looking forward to hearing from him in another 3 years.

[relaine]

I was with a narcissist for 12 years. I have been in therapy for over half a year to "deprogram" myself from the very detrimental effects of being with such an individual, while also dealing with all the reasons I rationalized the situation. A few thoughts:

1.) A narcissist IS a wounded person with a very badly wounded inner child. They are developmentally arrested, but if you have a codependency wound bad enough to have tolerated their behavior, you MUST turn away. Your empathy is too strong. It's codependent strong. A narcissist is still human, but wildy unsafe emotionally for others (especially you) and anyone else unless they have treatment. They do deserve compassion, but it should not come from you, it should NOT come affair partners (although they do have free will to seek that out). They need to seek therapy to be able to have any healthyrelationship. They have a black hole in them and compassion will only be poured uselessly into that black hole UNLESS they themselves want to stop the black hole - via therapy and true self reflection. Your attempt to help them WILL make it worse. I know it hurts.

2.) Codependency isn't a disease, it is not shameful, its a chronic lack of self-love that often originates in upbringing. Fill yourself up with as much self-love as possible. I know it's hard. You still need love to thrive, but keep doing your best to fill your own cup so that you'll be less likely to latch onto the chameleon nature of an NPD person. But don't think you have to be alone. Counseling, Codependency Anonymous... reach out.

3.) Ya gotta take responsibility. That term often comes off as victim blaming. Take responsibility so it doesn't keep happening. So you can be happy. So you can be free. But take up personal responsibility because if you come from a wounded background, you're going to very likely carry wounded behaviors. Break the cycle, do what the abuser wouldn't.

Increase your esteem and increase healthy pride. It's a fast way to healing.

4.) All of us have self-obsessed traits. It doesn't mean it's pathological. I know one thing that kept me trapped was thinking of all the things I did wrong in the relationship, and I therefore excused what he did wrong, all the while displaying reactive abuse (yelling, crying, pleading). When you look up narcissist on the internet, sometimes it will display what you feel like is your own behaviors- due to reactive abuse.

The difference is you read the article and you looked for the answer.

If anything sticks, please let it be the above statement. If you feel like you're losing your mind and becoming abusive yourself, get as much distance as you can. Sometimes you don't realize how wounded you are until you remove yourself from the presence of those who wounded you.

Seek love. Seek sobriety and community and laughing and passion. Don't block your empathy, but do protect it.

Go to therapy.

Be mad. Dont be destructive. Healthy angry is healthy.

Forgiveness isn't necessary for healing, but indifference is.

You got this.

[Chris-jotm]

When I found out my wife of 7 years tried to hide affair and left me to move in with him I wanted revenge. After I calmed down I realized I’m not jealous but grossly disrespected by a poor excuse of a man that should answer the bell. Decided she will be his karma and he can have what holds no value to me anymore.

[jarrettthe-yearrecoverin]

3:49 😳🤣🤦🏾‍♂️
“ 10 kids .. 10 .. you waited til the END to say that?? “

[abarksdale]

Welp, the first hoover was 3 months (a text) after the breakup, then at the year mark (a very lengthy email) after the breakup, and the last one was a year and a half ago. He mailed a letter to my mother (used as a flying monkey) and I can proudly say that I've remained NO CONTACT for 6 long, very happy years now. I pray he disappears for good!!! 💪🏽🙏🏽

[blackjag]

Men will keep your number and circle back to anyone who they had a relationship with so that they don’t do any real work. Everyone, block anyone once you’ve broken up with them Not worth the headache

[kellithomas]

The title says it all! Narcs are chameleons! This describes why my ex holds onto his past so much. Every opportunity he gets he’ll test the waters. Give a little just to suck you back in. He hasn’t changed in 11.5 years. Just learned to manipulate a little better. Smh so glad I see right thru him. I wish all Women the same so they don’t waste a bunch of years like I did! It’s laughable now because he thinks everyone else is the problem and they’re just insecure, stuck on the past, blah blah blah…

[bluecoral]

My high school bf narc contacted me 20 years later on my BIRTHDAY. My other ex narc contacted me after 2 years of no contact when I had moved to a different STATE, and though I never, ever got back together with him, he's still calling me 30 years ;later "just to see how I am." 30 YEARS!

[tanjathomas]

No contact means exactly that. It doesn’t mean no contact until they contact you again. No.
When I went no contact that is exactly what I did. He tried to call, no answer. He tried texting no answer. He dare to come where I was at because he didn’t want to get a Narc Injury. I was done and there was no coming back to me. I wasn’t angry, it was just time to let go.
Yes he cheated but in his little mind he thought I would never leave him, well he got a surprise and I did.
My thinking is what you calling and texting me for, you should be happy with the other woman, I was happy for them both lol
Don’t fall for that Hoover because after years of not hearing from them. Do you actually think that they change? NOT so don’t put yourself in that position to find out.

[Melissa-lovinlife]

"Past time is not an apology " 🔥🎤 ...mic drop 🙌💯

[NickyM_]

I've had a 25 year old hoover! Within less than 5 days of speaking, he ghosted me. Probably because I called him out on trying to lead the messaging conversation into 'Sex talk'. More so, when he was very much married. It made me feel dirty that he attempted to go down that route, immediately after reconnecting after 25 yrs. Our relationship had never even started on that disrespectful basis 1st time round. We courted and had a serious 'relationship'. I am not the one. But I was so glad and relieved he ghosted me! So I lost no sleep. Just amazed at the audacity which clearly showed mental health issues of delusion. I felt sorry for his wife and immediately knew the fakeness of their relationship. 5 years later he attempted to contact me again but he was blocked so I had no clue until months later when I was clearing my blocked spam texts and his multiple text was amongst them. Never again!

[chriscole]

I love what your doing here most narcissist abuse channels I go on the coaches are so stiff and nerd like but I still learn from them. But you are loose and have alot of humor you put a comedy twist on your topics it's so brilliant 💎 learning and laughing at the same time. 💯👍

[elsie]

They are infuriating. I couldnt be sucked in again now. I've lost all respect for him.

[PsychedPerspective]

It’s been basically 4 years for me. I am no contact for life. Change your number. Block their number & delete their contact information. Block them on all social media including email. If it comes to it consider deactivating or deleted your social media too. It’s not worth it. My life has gotten so much better and clearer since kicking these energy draining people out of my life.

[thetopcat]

To take what they can. No other reason is there? All they do is take. Not this time. Some need jail. True dat 🤔👍🏼

[Eva-tfbf]

The last time I heard from him he said: "promise me you won't contact me again, I will contact you in three years" 😮😮 this was super weird

[marshalldominguez]

So right on.... They tell on themselves all the time. Mine told me what she did or was going to do, then told me "Well, , , you did this "

These are punk liars. They can't keep anyone. When she told me she slept with a guy and he left her, I told her she was just an overnight and to get a checkup. I went no more contact. I'm in power.... You can too...